Not sure where else to post this, so I chose here.
I'm still nursing my 13mo old son. It's wonderful! My oldest son was adopted from Guatemala, and he lived w/a foster mom there till he was 7mo., when I traveled to Guate. to live w/him till he came home to the US at 9mo. He is the love of my life, and my love for him is no different than the love I have for the son I gave birth to.
But when I nurse the baby, I always look at Owen and wish for, long for, the opportunity to nurse him. The bond w/Ian (baby) is amazing. O and I are close--he is Mom's boy, sharing my sense of humor, my quick temper, etc. We are best of friends and quite in love! But that physical connection--I wish we'd had it--heck, I wish we still had it, meaning I wish I could've nursed him from day 1 and that I was tandem nursing now!!
I'm not sure why I can't seem to let go of this little bit of grief. I'm usually good about accepting things that I can't do anything about, like this. Perhaps I feel guilty bc I get to spend that special nursing time w/Ian (but I DO spend special time w/Owen, too, no doubt!). Bc I know I'm giving Ian something that Owen couldn't have, and that seems terribly unfair when it's something so wonderful as BM. I don't know what it is I can't let go of.
Thanks for letting me talk about it.