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Thread: Warning...ranting about family judging me for extended breastfeeding!

  1. #11

    Default Re: Warning...ranting about family judging me for extended breastfeeding!

    Thank you so much for these words. You did provide a new tool for me. It has been amazing the support I have NOT received from my family. I tell myself though, that I don't need their support, I don't need high fives and heel clicks for nursing as long as I have, the reward is all in my daughter...I just don't need to be told I'm doing something wrong. I wondered how I should react to a situation such as this again, and I will remember your suggestions...it is true that education rarely works. With my older sister, eventually it came out that I made her feel guilty, but it took an extremely long time, and she stil just doesn't like the idea of the breast....I don't think I'll be able to ever change that!

    THANKS AGAIN!!

    Quote Originally Posted by @llli*LLL.nightowl View Post
    Many mothers find that their family isn't as supportive of breastfeeding as they expected, myself included. Some try to educate their families with information or just confront them about their judgemental and hurtful comments. This rarely works.
    Positive, open discussion can not occur with the expectation of changing someones mind. A statement that leaves room for discussion of differing opinions like, "You seem to feel strongly about this. How can I reassure you?" or "We both want only the best for _____. Can you tell me why you feel this is wrong?". Often, the answer is directly related to how they feel about their parenting choices or cultural norms. Once this is established, reassure them that their parenting choices worked for them and yours are working for you. You might want to communicate your need for support in your parenting since it is hard to find such support outside the family. Once they've been affirmed in their feelings and have been heard they will be much more willing to hear what you have to say.

    If this doesn't work or isn't an option you might be able to agree to disagree and find the boundries that will work for you and your family. For instance, when I visit my in-laws I take my toddler son to another room to nurse him, at my home they are welcome to leave the room while we nurse comfortably. They have made me aware of their opinions on many occasions and we've finally struck a balance. Of course, my mother-in-law still asks once every visit if we're still nursing. But now the conversation ends at, "Yes, he is."

    This is a tough situation at best. Hopefully, I've given you a new tool for your mommy tool belt. Good luck.


    ~~~~~~~~~~~
    A newborn baby has only three demands. They are warmth in the arms of its mother, food from her breasts, and security in the knowledge of her presence. Breastfeeding satisfies all three. ~Grantly Dick-Read

  2. #12

    Default Re: Warning...ranting about family judging me for extended breastfeeding!

    Thank you to everyone who wrote to me. It really made me smile. I have yet to attend a meeting, but would love too! It has realy made me feel not so alone on this beautiful journey, so thank you for being on here!
    Mother of Averi Michele 10/18/2007, , and still! wait, it's more like...

    I also at work for 14 months, and made so much we donated to the international breastmilk project! 200 ounces!

    We love to

  3. #13
    Join Date
    Nov 2006
    Location
    miles from nowhere
    Posts
    11,108

    Default Re: Warning...ranting about family judging me for extended breastfeeding!

    I'm sorry you are getting these sorts of comments from your family. Most of my family was incredibly supportive of my nursing...until my daughter was 'too old.' And I didn't get too many rude comments, just constantly being asked when I was going to stop, even comments to my daughter about being too old to be 'doing that'.

    You've gotten some great advice already on how to deal with them. I chose to ignore them for the most part and not talk about it with them. Many of them probably just assumed I'd stopped nursing (especially after I got pregnant) and I didn't volunteer any info, though I didn't hide it either. I came here a lot to talk about it, brag about it , get advice, and get support. I encourage you to come back whenever you feel like you need to have a 'safe place' to talk about it. And as an experienced nurser, you'd have a lot to share with new moms!
    “We are not put on earth for ourselves, but are placed here for each other. If you are there always for others, then in time of need, someone will be there for you.”
    --Anonymous

  4. #14
    Join Date
    Dec 2008
    Posts
    219

    Default Re: Warning...ranting about family judging me for extended breastfeeding!

    I didn't read all previous responses, but know that this BFing mom thinks you are amazing and I hope my youngest and I can keep it up as long as you!! I know it hurts, but you KNOW you are doing the right thing. Make sure they know that how you raise YOUR dd is YOUR decision.
    ---Josie

    Proud mommy of 2 boys and a baby girl!

    DS Owen, DOB 10/28/6, 6 lb 4oz, adopted from Guatemala, home forever 8/1/6 (we met him at 4w old! Mommy lived w/him in Guatemala from 5/28/6 till he came home!)

    DS Ian, DOB 8/6/8 via C-sec., 9 lb!
    BF for 22 mo.

    DD born via vbac 11/25/11!

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