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Thread: Would you give up nursing if...

  1. #41
    Join Date
    Aug 2006
    Posts
    8,018

    Default Re: Would you give up nursing if...

    Any update? I wonder if I showed this thread to my DH, if he would be able to offer some helpful advice from his perspective.

    Molly

    Loving mama to JP (DS, 1/03 ~ nursed 6 mos), EL (DD1, 9/05 ~ nursed 4 yrs), EJ (DD2, 3/08 ~ nursed 3 yrs 9 mos), and
    JM (DD3, 6/12 ~ currently nursing), all born naturally
    Devoted wife to SAHD P, my hero
    A few of my favorite things that I've discovered on the forum: co-sleeping, baby-wearing, tandem nursing, baby-led solids, cloth diapering, APing, selective vaccination...the list goes on

  2. #42
    Join Date
    Feb 2009
    Posts
    40

    Default Re: Would you give up nursing if...

    Well, I'm sticking to my guns and not giving up on nursing, though I'm gradually pump weaning, just cause it's driving me NUTS to pump. Strangely enough, as if in response to this argument, DD started nursing less at night, as of 2 nights ago. It's a welcome rest for me since we were at 5-6 and even 7-8 wakings a night, during the worst of her teething. In response to DD's increased clinginess, I've borrowed a friend's Ergo and started wearing her on my back. She's happy as pie and sometimes cries when I put her down.

    Right now, DH and I are in a sort of "cesse-fire", where we're avoiding the topic of extended breastfeeding, so we can focus on other issues or simply take a break and reconnect. I guess we're both trying to see if our marriage can work as things are now. I can't guarantee that it'll work, but I've told DH I'd give it my all if he did too. I told him I'm still not willing to "compromise" on DD's health and need for comfort, but that I'd definitely want to work on our other issues, which are, quite frankly, more important.

    We still have 1 more counselling session paid for by my EAP so we'll see what work can be done there. After that I don't know. Perhaps we can put some money together to continue counselling...I've actually consulted a lawyer "just in case" with regards to separation and custody issues (and specifically with regards to continuing to breastfeed in the event of our separation). It saddened me to do so, but I feel this deep-seated need to protect my child whatever the cost.

    Again, thanks a bunch for responding to this thread mamas. It made me realize that I'm not some weirdo for wanting to continue to nurse DD until she decides it's time to wean.

  3. #43
    Join Date
    Aug 2006
    Posts
    8,018

    Default Re: Would you give up nursing if...

    You are doing great, mama! If you think the counselling is helping, I think you really should try to pull together some funds to pay for more sessions, perhaps even discuss a discounted rate with the provider. Probably much cheaper than a divorce lawyer!
    Please don't hesitate to come back for support if you need it!

    Molly

    Loving mama to JP (DS, 1/03 ~ nursed 6 mos), EL (DD1, 9/05 ~ nursed 4 yrs), EJ (DD2, 3/08 ~ nursed 3 yrs 9 mos), and
    JM (DD3, 6/12 ~ currently nursing), all born naturally
    Devoted wife to SAHD P, my hero
    A few of my favorite things that I've discovered on the forum: co-sleeping, baby-wearing, tandem nursing, baby-led solids, cloth diapering, APing, selective vaccination...the list goes on

  4. #44
    Join Date
    Oct 2006
    Posts
    4,836

    Default Re: Would you give up nursing if...

    Quote Originally Posted by @llli*mollyb View Post
    Any update? I wonder if I showed this thread to my DH, if he would be able to offer some helpful advice from his perspective.
    I was telling my dh about this thread on Saturday. When I told him that the dh that was objecting said that it was detrimental to continue nursing after a year old, he simply said "Find some research and good luck with that."

    Then i told him that the mama posted the thread at the request of the father, he said "He told her to post it on the forum?????????? Then he got a good chuckle, and did this : "That poor poor fool..."

    halfasianmomma, it sounds like you are doing great!! Good for you for standing your ground and doing it with such restraint! I have found that people tend to take you seriously and know that you mean business when you maintain a calm demeanor.
    Last edited by @llli*shannon75; August 25th, 2009 at 09:53 AM.

  5. #45
    Join Date
    May 2006
    Posts
    20,962

    Default Re: Would you give up nursing if...

    Quote Originally Posted by @llli*mollyb View Post
    You are doing great, mama! If you think the counselling is helping, I think you really should try to pull together some funds to pay for more sessions, perhaps even discuss a discounted rate with the provider. Probably much cheaper than a divorce lawyer!
    Please don't hesitate to come back for support if you need it!
    with all the above. Counseling is so much cheaper than divorce. (Ask my BIL.)

    I think you were really, really smart to talk to a lawyer. Hopefully you just threw your money away, but in case you didn't, being prepared is the best possible thing you can do.

    It sounds like you made some real progress- a cease-fire is such a major step! And so is pump-weaning, and working on your non-breastfeeding-related issues. I hope that things go really, really well. You know we're all for you!
    Coolest thing my big girl said recently: "How can you tell the world is moving when you are standing on it?"
    Coolest thing my little girl sang recently: "I love dat one-two pupples!"

  6. #46
    Join Date
    Jan 2006
    Posts
    18,063

    Default Re: Would you give up nursing if...

    yup my hubby said idoit...

  7. #47
    Join Date
    Nov 2006
    Location
    miles from nowhere
    Posts
    11,108

    Default Re: Would you give up nursing if...

    Unfortunately, when presented with the research supporting breastfeeding beyond one, DH basically said that he could find just as much or MORE research supporting his views that breastfeeding past infancy is detrimental (he quoted some weirdo site of a mother nursing her 14 year old). So, he summarily shot down any "data" I might have supporting my views. Is there, BTW, any actual research out there supporting the negative effects of breastfeeding beyond infancy? I sincerely doubt it, but you never know..
    I think you should call him on this. He won't find it. Some woman nursing a 14 year old isn't research on negative effects of extended nursing.
    “We are not put on earth for ourselves, but are placed here for each other. If you are there always for others, then in time of need, someone will be there for you.”
    --Anonymous

  8. #48
    Join Date
    Apr 2007
    Posts
    1,601

    Default Re: Would you give up nursing if...

    Quote Originally Posted by @llli*Halfasianmomma View Post
    Well, I'm sticking to my guns and not giving up on nursing, though I'm gradually pump weaning, just cause it's driving me NUTS to pump. Strangely enough, as if in response to this argument, DD started nursing less at night, as of 2 nights ago. It's a welcome rest for me since we were at 5-6 and even 7-8 wakings a night, during the worst of her teething. In response to DD's increased clinginess, I've borrowed a friend's Ergo and started wearing her on my back. She's happy as pie and sometimes cries when I put her down.

    Right now, DH and I are in a sort of "cesse-fire", where we're avoiding the topic of extended breastfeeding, so we can focus on other issues or simply take a break and reconnect. I guess we're both trying to see if our marriage can work as things are now. I can't guarantee that it'll work, but I've told DH I'd give it my all if he did too. I told him I'm still not willing to "compromise" on DD's health and need for comfort, but that I'd definitely want to work on our other issues, which are, quite frankly, more important.

    We still have 1 more counselling session paid for by my EAP so we'll see what work can be done there. After that I don't know. Perhaps we can put some money together to continue counselling...I've actually consulted a lawyer "just in case" with regards to separation and custody issues (and specifically with regards to continuing to breastfeed in the event of our separation). It saddened me to do so, but I feel this deep-seated need to protect my child whatever the cost.

    Again, thanks a bunch for responding to this thread mamas. It made me realize that I'm not some weirdo for wanting to continue to nurse DD until she decides it's time to wean.
    I'm really happy for you! Your a smart cookie, I think that you should definitely continue to follow your instincts.
    There are some family lawyers who specialize with nursing mothers/also LLL has a lot of good resources (via your local Leader/and this website) about families in that situation. It's gotta be scary but I think that was a good move to at least think about your options if that's what it came down to.

  9. #49
    Join Date
    Jun 2008
    Location
    TX
    Posts
    2,197

    Default Re: Would you give up nursing if...

    Quote Originally Posted by @llli*Halfasianmomma View Post
    Unfortunately, when presented with the research supporting breastfeeding beyond one, DH basically said that he could find just as much or MORE research supporting his views that breastfeeding past infancy is detrimental (he quoted some weirdo site of a mother nursing her 14 year old). So, he summarily shot down any "data" I might have supporting my views. Is there, BTW, any actual research out there supporting the negative effects of breastfeeding beyond infancy? I sincerely doubt it, but you never know...
    I know this is splitting hairs, but for the life of me, I can't find ANYTHING online about a woman nursing a 14 year old. The closest I can find is that video of a mom who nurses her 8 year old, and that, while it weirds me out on a personal level, does NOT show any harm to the child or her family. Quite the contrary, in fact...

    I'm so proud of you for standing your ground on this and for taking the protective steps you have! Way to go!!!
    Teal

    25 May 96 and 14 January 08 and 27 February 2012

  10. #50

    Default Re: Would you give up nursing if...

    I can't believe he actually gave you an ultimatum! Sounds to me like he is just being controlling. He only wants you to quit because it is something that means a lot to you. I hope you guys can work this out, but if not keep on nursing. Personally I wouldn't let any man manipulate me into not giving my child the best.

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