There is a private forum under the title 'relationships and sexuality' that you have to have 3 months membership here and maybe 50 posts? You might want to head over there after you hit the requirements. There is always some great advice handed out, along with some wonderful support.
Clearly, this is way beyond the scope of nursing your dd, in fact, I would go so far as to say it is barely a blip on the screen as far as his issues go.
If I were in the position myself, I guess the question I would be asking myself is whether or not I want to be married to someone that cares or thinks so little of our marriage or our family that he could walk away, or even threaten to do so, over an issue such as this. It seems to me that if there was love and respect coming from him, this wouldn't be happening.
Has the counselor touched on his control issues?