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Thread: Would you give up nursing if...

  1. #1
    Join Date
    Feb 2009
    Posts
    40

    Exclamation Would you give up nursing if...

    ...it caused great strain on your marriage?

    I'm posting this at my DH's request, because he wants to see what like-minded moms would say about his concerns.

    My DD is now 13 months old, and she still nurses a lot. Generally, she'll nurse once in the morning, at daycare drop-off (though sometimes she forgets), once in the afternoon at daycare pick-up, maybe once in the evening, and then right before bedtime. Then she'll nurse maybe 2-3 times during the night. That's a total of 6 or 7 times in a 24 hour period, though it can be more or less depending on teething or illness or fun toys to play with.

    I WOH full-time, so my DD's in daycare. She eats solids there, and has a meal of solids at home in the evening. She has NEVER taken a bottle, though she'll take a sippy of EBM and soy milk at daycare, as well as a lot of water.

    My DH believes that nursing past the age of one is detrimental to both myself and DD.
    a) he doesn't believe that breastmilk has any nutritional value past the age of one ("it's just a drink").
    b) he thinks that it makes it impossible for others to babysit DD since she likes the boob for comfort and she can't go to sleep without it.
    c) he also feels that DD is very "clingy" and needy because I still nurse her
    d) he feels that it greatly interferes with our sex life because I have a low drive
    e) he says that the fact that I cosleep with DD so that DD can nurse at night makes me tired and depressed, which impacts our life in general, as well as my health
    f) he says that I keep nursing DD to feel important
    g) finally, he believes that I'll always have an excuse to keep nursing DD (i.e. teething, illness, comfort), much like he'll always have an excuse to keep smoking or drinking beer.

    We're in counselling right now, and obviously there are many other issues at hand, but my DH put it this way: which is better, nursing DD until she decides to wean or having her father there in her life? I guess it's sort of a either/or situation for DH, and I think he feels so strongly about this that he think it'll destroy our marriage.

    FTR, my parents have successfully babysat DD many times, and have both managed to put her to sleep without the boob (or sippy of EBM and soy milk worked fine). Her DCP also put her down for naps with a backrub. And my DSS has also managed to put DD down for a nap with his own method.

    I'll withhold my own views here in order not to color people's responses to my post.

    So, what do you think mamas? What would you do?

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Feb 2007
    Location
    Sunny Arizona
    Posts
    3,171

    Default Re: Would you give up nursing if...

    Honestly?
    I'd tell my DH to pull his selfish, ignorant head out of his a$$

    ETA: Here is a link on the benefits of nursing a toddler that you could show him http://kellymom.com/bf/bfextended/ebf-benefits.html

    Amy married to my bestfriend since 10/30/04

    Proud SAHM to DS born 2/17/07 and DD born 9/11/08 Both weaned together 11/2011
    Currently milk, peach, peanut and tree nut free. DD has outgrown her wheat, cheese, egg, garlic, and citrus allergies

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Oct 2008
    Location
    St. Louis, MO
    Posts
    2,242

    Default Re: Would you give up nursing if...

    Quote Originally Posted by @llli*amy.marie View Post
    Honestly?
    I'd tell my DH to pull his selfish, ignorant head out of his a$$
    WSS!


    I'm Laura, mamma of 2

    5-27-06

    8-30-08

    We love and

    We have been nursing for over 2 years now!

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Feb 2007
    Location
    Sunny Arizona
    Posts
    3,171

    Default Re: Would you give up nursing if...

    And another thing if my DH gave me an ultimatum about my kids having him in their life or nursing, I'd show him where the suitcases are and tell him to leave the key on his way out. No way would I put up with someone, anyone, making me choose between what's best for my kids and their presence in our life. Because ultimately that type of ultimatum shows me they aren't interested in what is best for my kids, they just want to feel important and "win" IMO.

    And here is a question for you, what if you did wean and things still didn't work out between you and your husband, how would you feel about it then?

    Amy married to my bestfriend since 10/30/04

    Proud SAHM to DS born 2/17/07 and DD born 9/11/08 Both weaned together 11/2011
    Currently milk, peach, peanut and tree nut free. DD has outgrown her wheat, cheese, egg, garlic, and citrus allergies

  5. #5
    Join Date
    Apr 2008
    Posts
    4,007

    Default Re: Would you give up nursing if...

    so many marriages fall apart after a baby and it really is a valid thing to look at. Having two loving parents is better than one, it's just a matter of having those parents together or not. I personally, would not make the decision by myself, but rather ask your dh to gather his information (actual legitimate sources) for weaning at one, and you gather your information for extended breastfeeding. When presented with the facts he may change his mind and then it wont be you "choosing" the baby over him, kwim? He probably feels left out. He was your partner pre-baby and sometimes it's hard for dads to find their new place after a baby. I would sit down with an old fashion "pro" and "con" chart and work through this together.
    ~Jenn~


    mother of 2 boys!
    08/14/98~~03/20/08

    Birth: 7lbs 12oz, 1 year: 22lbs 11oz
    until he self-weaned 4 days before his third birthday ... still on occasion ... and happily

    ************************************************** ************************************************** *****************
    People need to understand that when they're deciding between breastmilk and formula, they're not deciding between Coke and Pepsi.... They're choosing between a live, pure substance and a dead substance made with the cheapest oils available. ~Chele Marmet

  6. #6
    Join Date
    Jun 2007
    Posts
    1,177

    Default Re: Would you give up nursing if...

    simple answer - no.

    especially because I doubt nursing is really the issue.

    Jenn
    Mom to - DD1 10/5/05, DS 6/27/07 & DD2 6/18/09

  7. #7
    Join Date
    Oct 2006
    Posts
    4,836

    Default Re: Would you give up nursing if...

    He acts like this and then thinks that nursing is why you don't want to rip his clothes off?

  8. #8
    Join Date
    Jun 2006
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    COUGARTOWN Baby! From here on in!
    Posts
    17,467

    Default Re: Would you give up nursing if...

    That's very diplomatic of Jenn to Say....But factually he's ignorant. I wouldn't stop nursing my one year old BABY because my DH was clueless and speaking to me emotionally rather than a place of facts. The way he is speaking to you really angers me and I am having a hard time not calling him a bunch of names. So I will go and leave this to more diplomatic Mothers. But if in your shoues? The answer is no chance. No chance that someone who was trying to emotionally blackmail me and control a relationship between be and my child would be taken seriously. At all.

    Way too lazy for formula

  9. #9
    Join Date
    Jun 2007
    Posts
    1,177

    Default Re: Would you give up nursing if...

    with Shelly. and reason f really p**sses me off.

    Jenn
    Mom to - DD1 10/5/05, DS 6/27/07 & DD2 6/18/09

  10. #10
    Join Date
    Nov 2006
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    miles from nowhere
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    11,107

    Default Re: Would you give up nursing if...

    Quote Originally Posted by @llli*sixyearplan View Post
    he is using having DD wean as a way to control you and rather than "fix" the problems you are having in your marriage, it would highlight that nursing is not the problem at all. Since you are having problems, I can tell you that you will just resent him even more if you wean.
    This is what I see as the problem. Nursing isn't the issue here. Address the ones you DO have some control over. He has valid concerns about other issues and maybe if you make an effort to make sure his needs are being met in some areas, he will be more willing to be accepting of your continued nursing. Sexual frustration can be a serious issue and it's one that you might be able to help resolve.
    “We are not put on earth for ourselves, but are placed here for each other. If you are there always for others, then in time of need, someone will be there for you.”
    --Anonymous

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