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Thread: Joshua is regressing

  1. #11
    Join Date
    Aug 2006
    Posts
    8,018

    Default Re: Joshua is regressing

    Quote Originally Posted by @llli*kathrynk View Post
    The discomfort is more of an awkward...almost sexual-like feeling. I hate to say it, but almost like I am being violated. I know that sounds terrible, but I don't choose to feel this way. It just happens. I feel like I just want him away from me. I hate that I feel that way, because I always loved nursing Joshua, and I want to meet his needs.

    I am also concerned with the supply because Jonah is already having a hard time handling my let-downs. Joshua is just stimulating more milk production.
    Being honest about your feelings is not awful, Kathy! Do you ever nurse them together? Maybe that would help you feel better about nursing Joshua.
    What alternatives do you offer when he asks to nurse? If it's cuddle time and a drink that he wants, can you offer that to him instead? A book snuggled by mommy and a cup of his favorite drink? Even some kind of treat that he normally doesn't get?

    Maybe the negative feelings will decrease once you get Joshua to cut back to fewer nursing sessions. And decreasing is the first step to fully weaning, so just take it one step at a time.

    I wonder if looking at photos of Joshua as a baby, breathing exercises, or reading/listening to music while you nurse Joshua would help you relax. Just making some suggestions.

    Molly

    Loving mama to JP (DS, 1/03 ~ nursed 6 mos), EL (DD1, 9/05 ~ nursed 4 yrs), EJ (DD2, 3/08 ~ nursed 3 yrs 9 mos), and
    JM (DD3, 6/12 ~ currently nursing), all born naturally
    Devoted wife to SAHD P, my hero
    A few of my favorite things that I've discovered on the forum: co-sleeping, baby-wearing, tandem nursing, baby-led solids, cloth diapering, APing, selective vaccination...the list goes on

  2. #12
    Join Date
    Jul 2007
    Posts
    1,780

    Default Re: Joshua is regressing

    Kathy I think you are one step ahead of me.... I thought Gabe had weaned but he is still asking to nurse and of course I oblige. It's not often but it's seeming to increase as I get closer, so I am thinking once the baby comes he will want it more too. My plan, who knows if it will work, is to allow him that one time, with a label to it: our special time. When he asks later I will use something as a distraction- probably chocolate milk because he loves it and it's such a treat to him...and remind him that we can have more special time together at such and such a time or day.... But that's a plan, who knows what will actually occur.

    As for your feelings- I don't think they are wrong- you are not wishing them upon yourself and we all know that you don't feel that way about nursing in general. I think it's important for you to be comfortable in your own skin and if setting limits or even completely weaning Joshua, even if not by his choice is how you do that it's important to you and your family. You are doing sucha wonderful job juggling so much and have given Joshua almost 3 years of nursing. That's a huge accomplishment both for you and for nursing in general. You should be so proud of that. And although weaning against his will would not be ideal, I know you would do it as gently as you possibly could and in the end, it would bring some peace for you both! A happy mama makes for a happy home! This may not make a lot of sense, but I hope it comes across right!
    Kelly

    Mommy to Gabriel born 12/25/06 Breastfed 12/25/06 - 12/09 and possibly here and there still
    Madelyn born 9/24/09 delivered at home and caught by my husband

    "To put the world right in order, we must first put the nation in order; to put the nation in order, we must first put the family in order; to put the family in order, we must first cultivate our personal life; we must first set our hearts right."

  3. #13
    Join Date
    Jan 2008
    Posts
    1,081

    Default Re: Joshua is regressing

    While I haven't felt any sexual feelings when nursing Emma I have definitely felt the "get away from me" feelings toward her in regards to nursing. It's helped a ton to nurse her only in the morning for a few minutes. Moms have SO many demands placed on them - especially when there's a toddler and a baby. And you have had a really difficult time so far, so take a deep breath and remind yourself you're doing what you can.
    Mommy to:

    Emmalynn Marie
    Born at 37 weeks on 12/22/06
    5lbs 1oz 19 1/2in

    Owen Charles
    Born at 29 wks 6 days on 01/17/09
    2lbs 14oz 15in
    In NICU for 2 months


  4. #14
    Join Date
    Nov 2006
    Location
    miles from nowhere
    Posts
    11,107

    Default Re: Joshua is regressing

    Quote Originally Posted by @llli*kathrynk View Post
    The discomfort is more of an awkward...almost sexual-like feeling. I hate to say it, but almost like I am being violated. I know that sounds terrible, but I don't choose to feel this way. It just happens. I feel like I just want him away from me. I hate that I feel that way, because I always loved nursing Joshua, and I want to meet his needs.
    I felt this during my pregnancy. It was exactly the same way I would have felt if a man were sucking on my breast against my will. It only happened at night, but I seriously had the urge a few times to actually hit her to get her off. That was when I decided to night wean because I felt like it was better for her to miss out on nursing at night than it was for her to be the recipient of those feelings from me.

    I don't really have any advice for your situation, but I wanted you to know that you aren't alone or abnormal or anything. Maybe just deciding that it's OK to make changes and to limit him will make you feel a little more tolerant. It worked for me. It's OK if you need to limit him, or even wean him. It's not something you need to feel guilty about.
    “We are not put on earth for ourselves, but are placed here for each other. If you are there always for others, then in time of need, someone will be there for you.”
    --Anonymous

  5. #15
    Join Date
    Dec 2006
    Posts
    2,393

    Default Re: Joshua is regressing

    Quote Originally Posted by @llli*norasmommy View Post
    I felt this during my pregnancy. It was exactly the same way I would have felt if a man were sucking on my breast against my will. It only happened at night, but I seriously had the urge a few times to actually hit her to get her off.
    Thank you, yes, that is similar to how it feels. I really clench up, and hate every minute of it. I hate feeling this way, but I can't make it go away. I def. am going to start limiting his time at the breast, and try to spend more "alone" time with him by putting Jonah down a little more, or leaving him with DH for an hour after nursing him, so I can take Joshua somewhere. I've just been so focused on making things work with JOnah, that I am guilty of pushing Joshua to the side for awhile. He needs me too, and I just have to try and find other ways to meet his needs. Thanks for the wonderful input everyone.

    Kathryn,
    Mama to my sweet blueberry eyed boy Joshua
    born on 11/2/2006

    and my blueberry eyed baby Jonah Henry...my water birth baby!
    born on 6/15/09



    MOBY WRAPS ROCK

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