I'm pretty distraught. I'm pretty sure I've had PPD (at least mildly), and now with current events, I think it's gotten worse.
So, I went to see a lactation specialist Wednesday. My poor baby had lost 15% of her birthweight and wasn't gaining yet- she's 3 weeks old. She was born at 9lbs. 10 oz. The birth was induced (42 weeks) but otherwise unmedicated. Pitocin was only used during the last few hours of labor, and I was taken off of it (due to my arm swelling like a balloon) almost immediately afterward.
The weight loss went this far because other than the weight loss, she is a happy alert baby who looks healthy- just getting thin. The only real problem was that she was nursing around the clock (though her habits were changing daily), and wasn't always swallowing. My supply was all over the place- I had no measurments, I'm going off of a feeling of fullness and how much she swallowed.
At the consult, I managed to give her a half oz. after 10 min on each breast. Then I pumped a half oz. after 10 min on each breast.
The Specialist said that I should be giving her 3 oz. every 3 hours with her size/age. She said that she didn't like it, but she thought I should suppliment. I nearly cried right there. She offered to give Anaka (my baby) some formula right then, and gave DH and I some time alone to talk it over.
DH is VERY supportive. We both agreed that this wasn't what we wanted, but we needed our baby to be healthy. We decided to go ahead and get her some formula at the clinic to make sure she would take a bottle in the first place (she's rejected pacifiers outright).
Anaka took the bottle just fine, but after getting 2 oz. of formula, she spit most of it back up. She gave us a good burp, and then spent the next 2 hours quietly alert, or asleep. This was totally out of character for her. It hurt, but I was hopeful.
The plan is/was every 3 hours to feed her on the breast, 10 min each breast, then give her some formula (work my way up to 3oz. since her tummy is too small right now). Then pump 10 min. each breast. I am to give her the expressed milk before I give her the formula. The idea is to up my supply, while making sure Anaka is still taking in enough calories. Eventually I would cut out the formula entirely.
The problem so far is that I am not able to stick to this plan so well. Anaka will not be sated for 3 hours. It only took 2 till she was fussing and rooting after the consult. It went downhill from there.
She wasn't keeping down 2 oz. and was showing signs of hunger every hour. I decided that we'd just feed her on demand still, and spread out the formula. So when she started rooting and fussing, I'd put her to the breast. Then I'd try and give her a half oz. of formula at a time to try and reduce the spitting up.
The result that is killing me is that I seem to be producing less and less milk when I pump. I know, it's only been a little over 24 hours, but I'm freaking out. The upside, that I am hopeful about, is that Anaka seems to be swallowing a lot more (and consistantly) at the breast...
It breaks my heart every time I give her a bottle. It's gotten to where sometimes I have to hand her off to DH to feed because I can't take it.
Any recommendations would be welcomed. I feel like friends are encouraging me to give up, and all their "it's ok" isn't helping at all because they're all pro formula. The lactation specialist was very complimentary, but it wasn't much comfort to me. My baby is doing everything she's suppossed to- good latch, good signalling that she's hungry. She even prefers my milk to the formula so far... I don't want to ruin any of that, but my body just isn't working with us as well as I'd like.
I'm sorry this post is so long... I'm just really having a hard time. I really just want to enjoy my baby and feeding her.