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Thread: Weaning a Comfort Nurser (Attempt #1)

  1. #1

    Default Weaning a Comfort Nurser (Attempt #1)

    Hello LLL ladies!
    I love having this site, even though I am not here too often. I know you all are there when I need you. And are always SO undestanding.

    Here's what is up with us:
    Two days ago..I decided it was "time"..time to wean, to be "all done nummies" ...it was just time. My dd is 25 mo. She is a COMFORT nurser. Both my girls have been scince birth. I have always nursed on demand, and neither has ever taken a paci, bottle, or thumb. And my oldest dd did not get attatched to a lovey until after she weaned. So when I weaned dd#1 at 21 months, we picked a weaning day and we basically went cold turkey. It was awful and so emotional. I swore I would not do it that way again. And to make it worse with her I got a breast infection!

    With dd#2 we have been trying to wean gently. Spending months working on night weaning, and for the most part we were down to 3 times a day or less. More often than not it was 2 times. So I thought..easy we can do this. Two days ago..I began telling her it was gone. All done. She was crushed! I continued on. No no, mommy has no more. DEVASTATION! Made it one solid day not one drop...day and a half, nothing. Lot's of tears...begging me "pppplleeessss mommyyy"..then sobs like she is in mourning! Wanting to kiss it..hold it..something. It was heart breaking. This morning..she was still at it.. And I NURSED her! I do not consider it a fail. I sobbed she sobbed...I said **sniff sniff sob sob** "You tried so hard, so did mommy. We will try again when you are ready to be all done." And with that she wept softly and nursed. I am happy. The nightmare of emotional heartbreak is over.
    So, when we are ready..I want to approach it from the angle of her way of nursing. Comfort nursers HAVE to be more difficult to wean than ones that take a pacifier, or bottle. Any tips and suggestions would be greatly appreciated!! Thank you so much LLL mommies~
    JEN
    Happy Wife of 20 years to J~
    Mommy to DD E~ 9/22/04 BF 21 months
    Mommy to DD H~ 7/2/07 BF 27 months CD'd from 10 mos on!
    Mommy to DD A~ 7-14-10 All cloth, and Potty Trained at 2 1/2. Still Nursing!
    I grow an organic garden, homeschool, and really feel blessed to be a SAHM!

  2. #2
    Join Date
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    Default Re: Weaning a Comfort Nurser (Attempt #1)

    She doesn't sound ready. IMO and IME once you are in the zone of nursing a toddler, you owe it to them to discuss it with them and let them be part of the decision making process. What you describe sounds pretty awful......like if you came home and your favorite thing in the whole world was just GONE. And no one had asked you or given you any time to prepare for it they just took it. So talk to her about it. And LISTEN to her as well. Nursing is a relationship between the two of you. If a child walks away on their own, than that is great. But if a child comfort nurses that is still a very REAL NEED. And they NEED to be involved in the decision for it to end. Even if you are nudging them along.
    When I ASK my son when he will be done he says when he is FIVE. I don't want to nurse him until he is 5. So we talk about having a weaning party. And he is 3.5 and lately...he's been inviting people to his weaning party. So I take that as a sign he is thinking about it. And knows it coming AND since we are going to have a party to celebrate it, I hope he will see it as a major accomplishment. Much like he does his potty training! That is how I plan to frame it.
    There was a mother here....she hasn't come around since the change but before she got all the way down to only letting her daughter nurse on Sunday. Daughter held on to that last once a week session for a WHILE. Because her mom let her and told her she could have a party when she was ready to let it go. And then one day she announced she was done. So talk to her about why and when and get her input. I think you are on the right track as far a a slow gentle weaning. But I think the piece that is missing is involving her in the process. Talk to her about the end. So she can see it in her head. Because she's getting to be such a big girl. AND because she doesn't need it. When you want out of a session, make a trade with her. Make deals with her. Negotiate. All of that validates for them that this is a very very important thing. Which it is.

    Way too lazy for formula

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Dec 2008
    Posts
    223

    Default Re: Weaning a Comfort Nurser (Attempt #1)

    Quote Originally Posted by @llli*dirtlover.mama View Post
    Hello LLL ladies!
    I love having this site, even though I am not here too often. I know you all are there when I need you. And are always SO undestanding.

    Here's what is up with us:
    Two days ago..I decided it was "time"..time to wean, to be "all done nummies" ...it was just time. My dd is 25 mo. She is a COMFORT nurser. Both my girls have been scince birth. I have always nursed on demand, and neither has ever taken a paci, bottle, or thumb. And my oldest dd did not get attatched to a lovey until after she weaned. So when I weaned dd#1 at 21 months, we picked a weaning day and we basically went cold turkey. It was awful and so emotional. I swore I would not do it that way again. And to make it worse with her I got a breast infection!

    With dd#2 we have been trying to wean gently. Spending months working on night weaning, and for the most part we were down to 3 times a day or less. More often than not it was 2 times. So I thought..easy we can do this. Two days ago..I began telling her it was gone. All done. She was crushed! I continued on. No no, mommy has no more. DEVASTATION! Made it one solid day not one drop...day and a half, nothing. Lot's of tears...begging me "pppplleeessss mommyyy"..then sobs like she is in mourning! Wanting to kiss it..hold it..something. It was heart breaking. This morning..she was still at it.. And I NURSED her! I do not consider it a fail. I sobbed she sobbed...I said **sniff sniff sob sob** "You tried so hard, so did mommy. We will try again when you are ready to be all done." And with that she wept softly and nursed. I am happy. The nightmare of emotional heartbreak is over.
    So, when we are ready..I want to approach it from the angle of her way of nursing. Comfort nursers HAVE to be more difficult to wean than ones that take a pacifier, or bottle. Any tips and suggestions would be greatly appreciated!! Thank you so much LLL mommies~
    No tips, no advice here,, just tears over your SWEET story!!!!!
    Mommy to Liam born 10/13/2008
    Breastfeeding since Day 1

    Breastfed ds for 15 months and cherished every minute of it!!

    We love and

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Dec 2008
    Posts
    223

    Default Re: Weaning a Comfort Nurser (Attempt #1)

    Quote Originally Posted by @llli*djs.mom View Post
    She doesn't sound ready. IMO and IME once you are in the zone of nursing a toddler, you owe it to them to discuss it with them and let them be part of the decision making process. What you describe sounds pretty awful......like if you came home and your favorite thing in the whole world was just GONE. And no one had asked you or given you any time to prepare for it they just took it. So talk to her about it. And LISTEN to her as well. Nursing is a relationship between the two of you. If a child walks away on their own, than that is great. But if a child comfort nurses that is still a very REAL NEED. And they NEED to be involved in the decision for it to end. Even if you are nudging them along.
    When I ASK my son when he will be done he says when he is FIVE. I don't want to nurse him until he is 5. So we talk about having a weaning party. And he is 3.5 and lately...he's been inviting people to his weaning party. So I take that as a sign he is thinking about it. And knows it coming AND since we are going to have a party to celebrate it, I hope he will see it as a major accomplishment. Much like he does his potty training! That is how I plan to frame it.
    There was a mother here....she hasn't come around since the change but before she got all the way down to only letting her daughter nurse on Sunday. Daughter held on to that last once a week session for a WHILE. Because her mom let her and told her she could have a party when she was ready to let it go. And then one day she announced she was done. So talk to her about why and when and get her input. I think you are on the right track as far a a slow gentle weaning. But I think the piece that is missing is involving her in the process. Talk to her about the end. So she can see it in her head. Because she's getting to be such a big girl. AND because she doesn't need it. When you want out of a session, make a trade with her. Make deals with her. Negotiate. All of that validates for them that this is a very very important thing. Which it is.
    I just have to say,,, that is such great advice.
    Mommy to Liam born 10/13/2008
    Breastfeeding since Day 1

    Breastfed ds for 15 months and cherished every minute of it!!

    We love and

  5. #5

    Default Re: Weaning a Comfort Nurser (Attempt #1)

    Quote Originally Posted by @llli*sixyearplan View Post
    Is there a reason you are wanting to wean?
    Yes, there are many. Wanting to do a detox cleanse. Can't dump toxins into what little breast milk I do make. Plus, we have (at least I think DH is serious) to TTC in the next few months. So I wanted to do a good cleanse before trying.
    Last edited by @llli*dirtlover.mama; August 10th, 2009 at 11:05 AM. Reason: typo
    JEN
    Happy Wife of 20 years to J~
    Mommy to DD E~ 9/22/04 BF 21 months
    Mommy to DD H~ 7/2/07 BF 27 months CD'd from 10 mos on!
    Mommy to DD A~ 7-14-10 All cloth, and Potty Trained at 2 1/2. Still Nursing!
    I grow an organic garden, homeschool, and really feel blessed to be a SAHM!

  6. #6

    Default Re: Weaning a Comfort Nurser (Attempt #1)

    Quote Originally Posted by @llli*djs.mom View Post
    She doesn't sound ready. IMO and IME once you are in the zone of nursing a toddler, you owe it to them to discuss it with them and let them be part of the decision making process. What you describe sounds pretty awful......like if you came home and your favorite thing in the whole world was just GONE. And no one had asked you or given you any time to prepare for it they just took it. So talk to her about it. And LISTEN to her as well. Nursing is a relationship between the two of you. If a child walks away on their own, than that is great. But if a child comfort nurses that is still a very REAL NEED. And they NEED to be involved in the decision for it to end. Even if you are nudging them along.
    When I ASK my son when he will be done he says when he is FIVE. I don't want to nurse him until he is 5. So we talk about having a weaning party. And he is 3.5 and lately...he's been inviting people to his weaning party. So I take that as a sign he is thinking about it. And knows it coming AND since we are going to have a party to celebrate it, I hope he will see it as a major accomplishment. Much like he does his potty training! That is how I plan to frame it.
    There was a mother here....she hasn't come around since the change but before she got all the way down to only letting her daughter nurse on Sunday. Daughter held on to that last once a week session for a WHILE. Because her mom let her and told her she could have a party when she was ready to let it go. And then one day she announced she was done. So talk to her about why and when and get her input. I think you are on the right track as far a a slow gentle weaning. But I think the piece that is missing is involving her in the process. Talk to her about the end. So she can see it in her head. Because she's getting to be such a big girl. AND because she doesn't need it. When you want out of a session, make a trade with her. Make deals with her. Negotiate. All of that validates for them that this is a very very important thing. Which it is.
    Thanks SO much!! Yes, I have to agree this is SUCH good advice! I had NOT considered her input. I had considered MY input...but that decision was made I thought for everyone. But I made it in a week of major stress..and PMS and I BLEW it big time. Hope she is not scarred for life. She now is nursing more than ever... And is happy happy. I liked what you said here..(Do not know how to multiquote)

    "What you describe sounds pretty awful......like if you came home and your favorite thing in the whole world was just GONE. And no one had asked you or given you any time to prepare for it they just took it."
    That makes sense, because it was like she was going through a death! All day saturday she was IN MOURNING!! It was the saddest, most pitiful, weeping. OMG!! I am gonna cry again....

    Thank you all for the kind words. I am really glad I have this wonderful place for support. I do have to say the 4 people I talked about this with were very understanding. My DH was so great, and my mom and sister were positive and helpful. And praised my decision to nurse again.
    JEN
    Happy Wife of 20 years to J~
    Mommy to DD E~ 9/22/04 BF 21 months
    Mommy to DD H~ 7/2/07 BF 27 months CD'd from 10 mos on!
    Mommy to DD A~ 7-14-10 All cloth, and Potty Trained at 2 1/2. Still Nursing!
    I grow an organic garden, homeschool, and really feel blessed to be a SAHM!

  7. #7

    Default Re: Weaning a Comfort Nurser (Attempt #1)

    http://www.baumancollege.org/forum/i...p?topic=3758.0http://www.naturalfamilyonline.com/g...cy-or-nursing/ These were helpful sites...


    Quote Originally Posted by @llli*sixyearplan View Post
    You can TTC and still nurse. Pg itself may cause her to wean.
    I know...just wanted to do the detox clease first. Wonder if there is anything I can do while nursing her. Probably not, they all purge junk! (See above)
    Last edited by @llli*dirtlover.mama; August 10th, 2009 at 11:47 AM.
    JEN
    Happy Wife of 20 years to J~
    Mommy to DD E~ 9/22/04 BF 21 months
    Mommy to DD H~ 7/2/07 BF 27 months CD'd from 10 mos on!
    Mommy to DD A~ 7-14-10 All cloth, and Potty Trained at 2 1/2. Still Nursing!
    I grow an organic garden, homeschool, and really feel blessed to be a SAHM!

  8. #8
    Join Date
    Jun 2006
    Location
    COUGARTOWN Baby! From here on in!
    Posts
    17,406

    Default Re: Weaning a Comfort Nurser (Attempt #1)

    Quote Originally Posted by @llli*dirtlover.mama View Post
    Yes, there are many. Wanting to do a detox cleanse. Can't dump toxins into what little breast milk I do make. Plus, we have (at least I think DH is serious) to TTC in the next few months. So I wanted to do a good cleanse before trying.
    Hi. My son is 3.5 and I just did the lemonade cleanse for 5 days. He didn't nurse any less. And I actually did a bunch of research before I did it and found SEVERAL other mothers who were nursing toddlers and were able to do this cleanse with success. Just so you know.

    Way too lazy for formula

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