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Thread: Are we done?

  1. #1
    Join Date
    Jan 2008
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    1,081

    Default Are we done?

    For the past week and a half, Emma (31mo) has nursed only in the morning (we finally dropped the bedtime session). She's also been sleeping on a mat on the floor in our room off and on for naps and during part of the night because she wanted to, but was still waking up during the night and getting in bed with us. But she slept there all night last night - woke up at 6:30 this morning and walked out of our bedroom calling me and asking where her cat was. I was still in bed, so I got up and came out to get her and told her it was where she was sleeping, so we went and got her stuffed cat. She was all chit chatty and wanted to play with her new duplo table, so off we went. She *forgot* to ask to nurse until about 20 minutes later and I was able to distract her really easily again. Then when she asked again and started getting fussy about it I asked her if she wanted something special to drink instead of nursing - I told her she could have some pop mixed with lemonade so I put a tiny bit of sierra mist in with lemonade and gave it to her. She's been fine ever since. We went to the grocery store today and bought her some "special" soda (sparkling water) to have instead of nursing now and she's all happy about it. But, she did tell me "mommy I can drink my special soda and then when it's all gone I can nurse." And I explained how that wouldn't happen, it was nursing or special soda. She was good with it. We told daddy about it on the phone and if I could have seen his face, I know he was because he doesn't want me to wean her and thinks I should give her at least until she's 3 yrs old.

    So, I *think* this could be my oppotunity to wean her completely. I do think she will be sad and stuff and there will be tears when the special soda fun wears off and she wants to nurse again. I'm not sure really how to proceed. I always thought child-led weaning was the way to go, but I haven't been able to do it. I started having her "wait" to nurse until we got home from somewhere at 15 months, then from 18-21 months I night-weaned her, and then we've slowly cut back on daytime sessions from there. I've been struggling to nurse her lately and really wanted it to be over, but I also feel guilty for "taking it away from her" because she tells me all the time how she loves mommy's milk and how it tastes so good. And despite wanting her to be done, now that the opportunity is here to be done, I feel a little sad. I've nursed her every.single.day for 31months, including through a difficult pregnancy and 10 day stay in the hospital, and to never nurse her again is giving me this lump in my throat.

    What should I do? Take this and run with it, or let her nurse tomorrow morning if she asks to? This is such a big step for us, in unchartered waters. I'm not sure if I should be happy or cry.
    Mommy to:

    Emmalynn Marie
    Born at 37 weeks on 12/22/06
    5lbs 1oz 19 1/2in

    Owen Charles
    Born at 29 wks 6 days on 01/17/09
    2lbs 14oz 15in
    In NICU for 2 months


  2. #2
    Join Date
    May 2007
    Posts
    4,160

    Default Re: Are we done?



    Ohhh I wish I could give you the best advice but I have NO clue what I would do in your position. I am familiar of the feelings of wanting to wean, but when we get close those emotions take over and I don't push it.

    Your DD is older though and I KNOW you have been wanting to wean her for a while now.

    Follow your heart momma.
    Lisa

    Mommy to
    Logan 5-23-07
    Colby 12-14-09

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Dec 2006
    Posts
    9,280

    Default Re: Are we done?

    Towards the end daniel started skipping days, and then weeks. He would ask to nurse, then just suck for a couple seconds. Maybe to make sure it was still there if needed? Then he just stopped asking. He will still somtimes ask, but put his mouth on my nipple and giggle. Now he uses my boobs as a squirt gun. If shes really adament about having it, especially with Owen nursing, it might be hard to deny her. But it sounds like she is able to be distracted, so thats a good sign.
    Last edited by @llli*danlynclark; July 28th, 2009 at 01:19 PM.
    Lyn
    Nursing the girl with kaleidoscope eyes


    Mama to Daniel (12/3/06) and Lucy Jane (8/28/08)

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Sep 2006
    Location
    sleepy town
    Posts
    149

    Default Re: Are we done?

    Emily did that for a whole day and didn't ask or nurse at all. At first I was so happy, then I was so sad! I wish now when she asked the next time I would have said no. I thought that it would be tapering off after that, but she is nursing as much as ever! It is so hard! I think that if it were me I would at least try saying no a few times, you can always change your mind. At least you will know how it plays out that way. I still wonder what Emily would have done if I had just said no
    Hi, I'm Lisa, mommy to:
    *Emily Grace 12-13-06.weaned with at 3 1/2
    *Abigail 9-12-08 born at 28 weeks 2lbs 13oz-Now my 2 year old nursing chunky monkey
    Nursing after a 12 week stay in the NICU





    :

  5. #5
    Join Date
    Mar 2007
    Posts
    1,110

    Default Re: Are we done?

    I was 6 months into tandem nursing when I decided to wean DD1 (2 and a half) and I'm glad I did. I wasn't enjoying tandem nursing, my relationship with her wasn't very good so I asked the forum and lots of LLLadies gave me really good advice. They told me if it's not working for one of you (me or DD1) it's time to do something. So I did what you are doing, I offered chocolate chips cookies and milk sitting on the couch in front of the TV. I made breakfast special. For the night sessions, DH put her to sleep and she would forget about nursing. The hardest one was the session after naps. I had to change her routine but we finally did it, She weaned with almost no tears. If she cried, I would hug her very tight and tell her how much I love her and she would stay with me for about 1/2 hour with her head on my shoulder. She still does that. If she asks to nurse I always offer her a big hug and she forgets about it.

    My suggestion is to be consistent

    Good luck!!

  6. #6
    Join Date
    Jan 2008
    Posts
    1,081

    Default Re: Are we done?

    Thanks ladies. Well, the answer to my title is, no, we're not done yet. This morning she asked to nurse and at first I told her we could go get some of her special soda (soda water mixed with lemonade) and she was good with it. Then I went to get out of bed and she flipped. She was bawling and saying "mommy I just want to nurse for a minute, just a little bit, please, I love mommy's milk." So I let her nurse for a minute and then she was good. I'm trying to be patient and remember she's still young, and while I have no problem with others who nurse their kids for a long time - actually I think it's great, I'm just having a hard time with it lately. But, I don't want weaning to be traumatic for her - we've had a gentle, but mother-led weaning thus far - began over a year ago cutting back from on demand slowly. And she only nurses once a day now, so I can give her some time. Because then I think, or I hope, when I look back on this I will know that I did the right thing for her, by going slow and being understanding to her need to still nurse. But ya know, there's a part of me that wonders why it's still a need for her - I know she likes the taste of my milk and that's probably it - I don't think it's for a need of closeness because I snuggle her a lot many other times a day/night. I don't know. Like I said, this is unchartered waters. Someday I'll post that we're done and I hope I'm happy and not sad about it.
    Mommy to:

    Emmalynn Marie
    Born at 37 weeks on 12/22/06
    5lbs 1oz 19 1/2in

    Owen Charles
    Born at 29 wks 6 days on 01/17/09
    2lbs 14oz 15in
    In NICU for 2 months


  7. #7
    Join Date
    Dec 2006
    Posts
    9,280

    Default Re: Are we done?

    Quote Originally Posted by @llli*sixyearplan View Post
    But it's what she used for security and closeness for so long. I think even the taste has comfort association. It's like shaking hands and hugging. They are touching but not the same association. Good for you for being so gentle. I know it's hard.
    Not to mention with all the changes and stress your family has been through over the past few months, it could really be a security thing. Taking that away from her right now may not work.
    Lyn
    Nursing the girl with kaleidoscope eyes


    Mama to Daniel (12/3/06) and Lucy Jane (8/28/08)

  8. #8
    Join Date
    May 2007
    Posts
    4,160

    Default Re: Are we done?

    You are a good momma.
    Lisa

    Mommy to
    Logan 5-23-07
    Colby 12-14-09

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