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Thread: some help

  1. #1
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    Jun 2006
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    Default some help

    My lo is 3.5 mo old. I really don't think that she has reflux based on what I have read from other posts regarding symptoms.

    Last night it took us over 2 hours to get her to sleep. I think it was combo of gas and tired/cranky. Is it possible to get her to sleep by a certain time? Any ideas on how to get them to sleep when they are that fussy? When I feed her she usually feds for 1 (i don't think it is all eating though) and she will go roughly 1 to 1.5 hours since the ending of last feed. I don't know what is normal for her age ( i know that every baby is different of course!) Maybe I am reading her hunger cues wrong feeding her when she isn't hungry.

    It has been such a challenge with breastfeeding, I am determined to bf her as it is the best for her. I have problems with the husband regarding support, he is supportive when all is well but when something is going the other way he isn't supportive.

    It is so hard since I really want to cont to bf her and then have the hubby looking for something to get me to change to formula. It is all a adjustment as this is our first, but he is a much harder time than I as I stay at home with her. Anything that maybe I should think of doing differently to help the whole situation get better (as if there is a real smooth time all the time lol) I just hate that I feel like I am alone in this.
    Jenn SAHM and carseat to

    DD 5 years old , nursed till just shy of 3 yrs old



  2. #2
    Join Date
    Jun 2006
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    Default Re: some help

    you are so NOT alone!! It is indeed stressful when hubby is not very very supportive... it affects self confidence.

    Similar situation here. Of course, every couple is different, I can tell you what worked for me...

    Honestly, but nicely, I explained that the lack of suport on BF was affecting my "milk production self confidence". In the end we decided we would always try BF first, and if baby fussy IMMEDIATELLY after feeding, then we try formula.

    DS took a bit of formula only sometimes. the other times, not needed.

    Try this for a couple of days:
    Baby sleeps.
    Wakes up.
    Feed her as soon as she wakes for 20-30 minutes... (the rest of the time she is not eating and both of you are getting tired.
    Then play with baby (change diaper, etc) for about 20-30 minutes.
    Then let baby play alone (you around, but not given her undivided attention) for about 20-30 minutes.
    Then put her in craddle and try to help her sleep.

    It my not work the first time... but some sort of pattern will most likelly develop after a couple of days. Always the same routine (sleep, eat, play with mom, play alone, repeat). Try not to keep baby up aver 1.5 hours.

    Amazingly enough, at 4 month exactly, DS learned to fall sleep on his own after applying this pattern for a while. Before, he needed to help him fall sleep.

    Last, does DD get fussy at the same time? maybe she is telling you someting?
    Can you try a rutine at night...

    play, bath, eat, in crib by 8 pm... day after day, she might buy into the pattern.

    this does not solve fussiness, but may help prevent it.

    good luck, and remember, you are no alone!

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Jul 2006
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    Default Re: some help

    I agree, you are not alone and WoW! the mom in the pp is great. I mean that. I wish my life was that organized and planned out. I am so not that into schedules, but it may work for you. I have a seven year old and we are always going, always different times. Anyway I was going to say, you and your dd really have to communicate about the breastfeeding. Let him know over and over if you have to how important it is to both of you and how you really need his support, especially when times are rough! My dd has been supportive, but in the beginning when I was so sore, biting my lip at every latch on, he would say, "you know you don't have to do this." I think some men don't understand the deep need we have to give our babies the best. And perhaps why we need to spend so much time devoted to that instead of them. Particularly when they are used to us hanging out with them at certain times. It can be a big adjustment for all involved. As far as the sleep thing goes, I can give no advice. Both of my babies are nonsleepers, we don't follow a schedule or routine and I nurse on demand. I try to go with the flow! Maybe I should try some of those ideas. Good Luck!!!

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Aug 2006
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    131

    Default Re: some help

    I feel my DH is more supportive in theory than in practice. I think he needs to learn a bit more about what his role can be and how that would be most helpful. That being said, I would concur with PP about trying to find a routine. See if you can do things little by little... stretching out play alone times, shortening feeding sessions just a bit stopping when she seems to not be swallowing any more.

  5. #5
    Join Date
    Aug 2006
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    Bryan, Texas
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    Default Re: some help

    Quote Originally Posted by islander
    Try not to keep baby up aver 1.5 hours.
    I couldn't agree more. Many times a baby will be sleepy and if we don't let them go to sleep, they will wind back up and not seem to be sleepy. Then they become these overtired fussy babies that are very hard to settle. We try never to let our son stay awake for more than 2 hours. When he was younger it was 1.5 hours. He can now stay awake for about 1 hour, 45 mins and still be happy.

    Quote Originally Posted by islander
    Amazingly enough, at 4 month exactly, DS learned to fall sleep on his own after applying this pattern for a while. Before, he needed to help him fall sleep.
    Our babies sound so much alike. He was 4 months old this Wednesday and for about the last week or so, he's gone to bed completely on his own EVERY time we put him down. Before that he would go down at night on his own but naps were pure HELL. Now, he lays on his tummy, sticks his fingers in his mouth, and goes to sleep.

    So many parents think that it is bad to have a routine and that you can't be a good parent and have a schedule at the same time. Breastfeeding your child and meeting their emotional needs while having a schedule are not mutually exclusive events. DS has been on a routine since the very first day he came home from the hospital. At first he wanted to eat every 2-2.5 hours and he has gradually lengthened that out to 3-3.5 hours. If he's hungry I'll feed him. But we've found that as we've kept him on a routine, his hunger patterns have been stablized. He is USUALLY hungry at the same time each day, give or take a few minutes.

    Also, breastfeeding doesn't have to be the only source of comfort. If its not working for your family to stop every 30 minutes and nurse, then find something else that works. Better that than to begin to resent your child.

    A set routine may tie you down some, but remember that we didn't have kids so that we could make our lives easier on us. If that means that we need to slow down our busy calendars and schedules to do what is best for our babies, then that's what needs to be done. Dragging our kids around constantly and trying to make them fit into our plans only gives us overtired, fussy and cranky kids that are no fun to be around. Healthy sleep habits do not come naturally, they are learned. Which means we have to do the teaching. Babies are naturally social creatures and there comes a point when they'd rather stay awake then miss something. Its our job to make sure they get the sleep they need.

    Once you have your baby on a good routine, its soooooo much easier to adjust it if you need to go somewhere...stretch out an awake time to run an errand, or make changes if something isn't working. It becomes easier to tell if your child is hungry, tired, or just needs some extra comfort. But if you are all over the map, bed time is 11pm one night, 8 the next...there is no predictability for your baby and they can become grouchy bears. DS now sleeps from 7pm-7am. He nurses about 5 times during the day and gets one bottle of EBM right before bed. He's a wonderfully happy baby. It can work if you stick with it.


    Quote Originally Posted by islander
    Can you try a rutine at night...

    play, bath, eat, in crib by 8 pm... day after day, she might buy into the pattern.
    DS nurses at 5pm, plays with me for a while, gets a bath by DH at 6pm, bottle of EBM after that, read a book, songs, prayer, kisses, and in bed by 7pm. Babies thrive when life is predictable. Think about it...everything else in their life is so new and exciting each day...that can be stressful and overwhelming. At least they know that there is some measure of predictability in their world when everything else around them is new and changing.

    HTH,
    Leslie
    All over the world there exists in every society a small group of women who feel themselves strongly attracted to giving care to other women during pregnancy and childbirth. Failure to make use of this group of highly motivated people is regrettable and a sin against the principle of subsidiary. ~ Dr. Kloosterman, Chief of OB/GYN, Univ. of Amsterdam, Holland


    **Leslie**

    Mama to:
    Shiloh (5/6/06) Nursed for 13 months and Josephine (7/26/08) Nursed for 23.5 mos Currently nursing my new little firecracker, Finley Catherine, born on the 4th of July!!

  6. #6
    Join Date
    Jun 2006
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    Default Re: some help

    Thanks everyone!! All of your information is sooo helpful.

    I will have to try and see what is going to work with my dd with getting a routine down (well at least something more than we have now!)

    I am soo happy to have this forum, it really helps me to read about other's situation and the advice is great. it can really be a lifesaver to know that everyone has the challenges and it helps us to learn from one another.

    I could never regret having my beautiful dd as she has made my life much more fullfilling and I just couldn't imagine my life without her. I have to remind myself that this is just temorary and it isn't going to always be like this, this is what keeps me going!!
    Jenn SAHM and carseat to

    DD 5 years old , nursed till just shy of 3 yrs old



  7. #7
    Join Date
    Jun 2006
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    Default Re: some help

    Any suggestions on a website or other reliable informational piece so that I may show my hubby why mommy's milk is best??

    He still thinks that it is harder than it needs to be. He wants to give her a bottle for the last feeding of the night. He thinks that she isn't getting enough and therefore is extra fussy when it's time to go to bed. She get's the most distracted and plays more at that feeding. I take her off so that when she is on she is eating.

    So besides a nursing necklace what can I do to help her nurse better at night?? in another question, a suggestion was made about a pacifier that was shaped like our boob, where do you find those?
    Jenn SAHM and carseat to

    DD 5 years old , nursed till just shy of 3 yrs old



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