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Thread: my 4 year old

  1. #1
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    Default my 4 year old

    I was 18 when i gave birth to my son. I was in a stressful situation and really had no help and no idea how to breastfeed. can't remember when i stopped trying to breastfeed him but it was within the first 2 mos. He is 4 now and i swear 90% of the time he hates me. its been like this for what seems like forever he always preferred his father over me.I have to wonder if its because i didn't breastfeed him. I was the only one breastfed out of me and my 2 other siblings and im closest to my mother. Anyways, I'm breastfeeding my daughter who is now 8weeks old. My son has made comments like "When i was a baby i was supposed to eat from there, and I didn't" Eventually i had to explain why, i dont know how he could know and it makes me feel horrible.

    I guess my question is, if my 4yr old wants to try breast milk is that okay? what if he starts wanting to breastfeed now that he see's his sister doing it? i've seen woman who breastfeed their kids till they are 5 and my aunt breastfed her first born till he was 3. Is this a normal thing for older siblings?

    He has also started peeing himself and the bed, (he has never had this problem since he has been potty trained 2yrs ago)

    Thank you for any advice possible

  2. #2
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    Default Re: my 4 year old

    I'm sorry you are going through this. I don't have any specific advice about putting a four year old to your breast after such a long spell of not nursing. But I will tell you that I weaned my first lo earlier than I wanted to (I got pregnant with the second and didn't know what I was doing ). Anyway, he was jealous of his sister for quite a while (and they are only 18 mo. apart). Something I did that helped was pump and give him extra milk in a special sippy cup. I also bought him some of his own milk and gave him that in a special sippy cup. I explained that some of the milk was for him and some for his sister. He's never asked to actually bf, but having "special" milk made him feel better. Let us know how it goes...

    I'm Erica

    Mommy to "C" - currently 3 and half years old
    - nursed for one year

    and mommy to "M" - currently 2 years old
    - nursed for 23 months

    Wife to my handsome DH for 5 and a half years!

  3. #3
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    Default Re: my 4 year old

    IMO- and its just that,
    4 year olds are just hatefull. Its just a stage that boys have.
    I will get beter!

    Bringing home a new baby is stressfull on everybody in the family.
    I bet thats why he's wetting the bed and such.
    You guys will work it out together.

    Try and give him some one on one time every day even if its just a story at bed time.
    Do you have any help with the baby, or house hold chores?
    Family near by?

  4. #4
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    Default Re: my 4 year old

    If he want to try it, and you feel ok about it, I don't think there is anything wrong with that. I don't think he will be able to latch properly and it may be weird or uncomfortable for both of you but it can't hurt. You are going to have lots of weird uncomfortable moments with your son.
    Also I would ask him questions about how he feels and why. Often boys are angry but aren't given the support they need to do the navigate their emotions. When he says things like " I was supposed to eat like that and I didn't" say "You did for a little while. But I agree it wasn't as long as it should have been. That makes me so sad. How does it make you feel?" And then no matter how he answers ask him " What can we do about it now?" ANd allow him an opportunity to participate in any kind of a solution. If he doesn't have any ideas, help him brainstorm. In the form of questions so he feels like he is contributing. "Do you want to try to breastfeed now? Do you want me to pump you some milk to drink out of a big boy cup? Is there something else we can do together that you would like that can be about just you and me?"
    And whenever you see your boy getting angry or frustrated, ask him about how he is feeling. So he learns to look at his feelings, acknowledge them and verbalize them. The younger they start doing this, the more successful they will be at it for life. Often this is a step that is negated with young boys and they never know how to talk about how they feel because don't ever really KNOW how they are feeling. HTH!

    Way too lazy for formula

  5. #5
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    Default Re: my 4 year old

    i have told him i did breastfeed him and that he just doesnt remember. He has made other comments like "why r u feeding her? (because she is hungry) yeah but you have milk on the other side too" I really dont know how to respond to that, because i dont know where he is going with that comment. I really wouldnt have any problem if he wanted to try some in a cup, or even if he wanted to try breastfeeding.
    He is a very smart boy. He knows things a 4yr old shouldnt, when i was pregnant with his sister he told me i need to have a c-section, then went on to explain how it happens and what babbies look like when they are born. then he talked his father and I into letting him be in the birthing room, he insisted on watching everything (he wouldnt have it any other way) then he just had to cut the cord! lol I dont know where he gets these things!

    anyways next time he brings up the breastfeeding i will ask more questions

    Thank you

  6. #6
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    Default Re: my 4 year old

    Quote Originally Posted by @llli*djs.mom View Post
    If he want to try it, and you feel ok about it, I don't think there is anything wrong with that. I don't think he will be able to latch properly and it may be weird or uncomfortable for both of you but it can't hurt. You are going to have lots of weird uncomfortable moments with your son.
    Also I would ask him questions about how he feels and why. Often boys are angry but aren't given the support they need to do the navigate their emotions. When he says things like " I was supposed to eat like that and I didn't" say "You did for a little while. But I agree it wasn't as long as it should have been. That makes me so sad. How does it make you feel?" And then no matter how he answers ask him " What can we do about it now?" ANd allow him an opportunity to participate in any kind of a solution. If he doesn't have any ideas, help him brainstorm. In the form of questions so he feels like he is contributing. "Do you want to try to breastfeed now? Do you want me to pump you some milk to drink out of a big boy cup? Is there something else we can do together that you would like that can be about just you and me?"
    And whenever you see your boy getting angry or frustrated, ask him about how he is feeling. So he learns to look at his feelings, acknowledge them and verbalize them. The younger they start doing this, the more successful they will be at it for life. Often this is a step that is negated with young boys and they never know how to talk about how they feel because don't ever really KNOW how they are feeling. HTH!
    I think this is really good advice - especially the bolded part. Definitely talk to your son about his feelings regarding everything but then, because what's in the past can't be changed, try to help him find a way to do something now to deal with how he's feeling. Do you think he's picking up on your saddness/regret on not nursing him for as long as you wished you did? Kids are so perceptive. And you could pump him some milk - he's probably really curious. I wouldn't worry about the wetting thing - regression is common when a new baby comes home and it will take care of itself. How's your baby girl doing? How's your son doing with her other than the breastfeeding stuff?
    Mommy to:

    Emmalynn Marie
    Born at 37 weeks on 12/22/06
    5lbs 1oz 19 1/2in

    Owen Charles
    Born at 29 wks 6 days on 01/17/09
    2lbs 14oz 15in
    In NICU for 2 months


  7. #7
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    Default Re: my 4 year old

    Personally, I would not start BFing a child at 4 years old....if my 4 yr. old had been nursing since birth then that would be another story. I would offer it in a cup. If you feel like it's something you want to try and feel comfortable with, that's certainly your option...just think about not being able to turn back and possibly having bigger problems.

    I am sure that your older child's feelings are more about sibling jealousy and less about the fact that he didn't breastfeed. My almost 4 yr. old nursed for 16.5 months and has no memory of it, I don't see how your son could have so much animosity for a period in his life that he can't even remember.

    Good luck with your decision.
    Mother - Wife - Artist - Cook - Writer - EnvironMENTAList - Cloth Diaperer (but we are soooo done with diapers) - Organic Health Nut...I'm sure there's more.

    DD1 - 12/15/05 Breastfed for 16.5 months
    DD2 - 8/6/07 Breastfed for 3 whole years and 3 little, extra days.

  8. #8
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    Default Re: my 4 year old

    Quote Originally Posted by @llli*nolamomma View Post
    Personally, I would not start BFing a child at 4 years old....if my 4 yr. old had been nursing since birth then that would be another story. I would offer it in a cup. If you feel like it's something you want to try and feel comfortable with, that's certainly your option...just think about not being able to turn back and possibly having bigger problems.

    I am sure that your older child's feelings are more about sibling jealousy and less about the fact that he didn't breastfeed. My almost 4 yr. old nursed for 16.5 months and has no memory of it, I don't see how your son could have so much animosity for a period in his life that he can't even remember.

    Good luck with your decision.
    OK but the one time she WAS feeling wistful about breastfeeding and said she wished she could breastfeed, she offered to let her....so I am not sure what the difference is.

    Way too lazy for formula

  9. #9
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    Default Re: my 4 year old

    Quote Originally Posted by @llli*djs.mom View Post
    OK but the one time she WAS feeling wistful about breastfeeding and said she wished she could breastfeed, she offered to let her....so I am not sure what the difference is.
    Uncertainty, guilt....lots of hormones and emotions, I was being hopeful that she wouldn't take me up on it I guess and that was about a year ago...so technically she was 2 1/2-ish....

    I'm glad she didn't start back up and I would have had to deal with weaning at a time when she would have had memories of it.
    Mother - Wife - Artist - Cook - Writer - EnvironMENTAList - Cloth Diaperer (but we are soooo done with diapers) - Organic Health Nut...I'm sure there's more.

    DD1 - 12/15/05 Breastfed for 16.5 months
    DD2 - 8/6/07 Breastfed for 3 whole years and 3 little, extra days.

  10. #10
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    Default Re: my 4 year old

    i forgot my sign in info till now, thank u all for your feedback. He did end up asking to try some breast milk, he was demanding it. When i finally got around to pouring some in a cup for him he looked at it and said "ummm.. maybe i just want my rice milk" lol Now he has found a comfort in giving me and his little sister hugs and kisses while im breastfeeding.

    thank you all again for your help

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