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Thread: Dealing with the comments

  1. #1
    Join Date
    Feb 2009
    Posts
    40

    Default Dealing with the comments

    My DD will be one this Sunday and I've been getting comments about weaning her since she was six months old. Obviously, I've been ignoring them, but now they come from my DH AND my parents, and it's starting to be hard on me. I never really gave a thought to WHEN I'd wean, I just figure I'd *try* to nurse for 2 months and then see. At the 2 month mark, it suddenly got super easy so I kept going. Since DD isn't a super enthusiastic eater, I figured it's good for her to keep getting mama's milk, for as long as she wants it.

    I'm trying to find ways to tackle all the comments I've been getting, hopefully in a tactful way, but sometimes I just want to tell them to all go **** themselves, because they're not the ones feeding my DD.

    My mother's concerns have to do with the loss of freedom (she chose not to nurse me because itwould have "robbed" her of her freedom). She also thinks that DD needs to find other ways to be soothed...My father is concerned that I'm not sleeping well because DD reverse-cycles and nurses a lot at night. My husband thinks that a) I'm babying DD and b) if I would just wean her, we could have our sex life back. Right.

    what have your strategies been?

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Mar 2008
    Posts
    2,538

    Default Re: Dealing with the comments

    I simply answered everyone with a joke that we'd wean before he left for college.... most people never asked after that.... but for DH I say that "we can start distraction and gentle leading around age 2, which by the way is the earliest I would like him to wean."
    Autumn
    Moma to *Silas* 10-30-07

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Nov 2006
    Location
    Durham, NC
    Posts
    723

    Default Re: Dealing with the comments

    Frustrating for sure.

    Back in the day (DS1 is 3 and still nursing, DS2 is 6 weeks...) for DH I showed him some links and talked about the benefits of extended nursing for baby and me. http://www.kellymom.com/bf/bfextended/index.html He was ok with it and supportive once he was informed.

    For my mom, who never nursed me, I just told her repeatedly that I was fine and felt I was doing the best thing I could for my child. That just because she had a different experience that was right for her... it was not right for me and my situation - and she could help me by being supportive if my decisions not judgmental. Took a while, I also discussed benefits then I just told her we'd have to agree to disagree and I didn't want to talk to her about it anymore because for me it was a non issue and if she didn't like it or agree with it that was her deal, not mine. Now she puts on a supportive front but I think deep down she just doesn't get it and I'm kinda done explaining so I don't bother. I feel like she had her time to make parenting decisions and this is my time. She's a grand-parent, not a parent and I don't feel the need for her to 100% agree with my choices.

    Other relatives generally never tried to push their beliefs on feeding/raising kids so I don't make it a point to bring it up. When some tried to make an issue I said I didn't understand how my feeding choices were their concern... that we were doing what worked best for us and they with their family were doing what was best for them. Some co-workers were curious why I was pumping after a year so I matter of factly told them the WHO recommendations, and the decreased cancer risks for me. After a while people stopped asking.

    Be strong. The decision to nurse or not is for you and baby to decide - no one else. So long as you can get your DH to be mildly supportive then that's enough. Sounds like his issues are not really with nursing but feeling like he is neglected and not getting his time with you so maybe try to come to some resolution on those things and nursing will just fall into place.

    Good luck.

  4. #4
    Join Date
    May 2006
    Posts
    19,905

    Default Re: Dealing with the comments

    I'm lucky- my family is very pro-breastfeeding and I didn't run into much flak for nursing DD until age 3. However, whenever I did, I took the education route. Here are some of my favorite articles:

    When to Wean
    Extend Breastfeeding's Benefits
    Unraveling Breastmilk
    Coolest thing my big girl said recently: "How can you tell the world is moving when you are standing on it?"
    Coolest thing my little girl sang recently: "I love dat one-two pupples!"

  5. #5
    Join Date
    Jul 2009
    Posts
    12

    Default Re: Dealing with the comments

    Those comments aren't fun at all! I got it a lot from my inlaws with my first. As her first b-day approached, I got the question, so how long are you going to nurse and then I got to hear about how long all of their friends daughters nursed. It is such an individual thing and you shouldn't feel forced into deciding b/c of someone else's opinion. As a kid gets to 1, nursings start to wind down some where you will feel more like you are supplementing than providing. This may help with your husband. For the other comments, I always said something like I plan on feeding until 2 (just to give them a number) or until they are ready to wean. Then I would say, when do you think my daughter should wean? I always said that last part half joking, but they got the point that it really is none of their business!! (My 1st weaned at 21 months on her own and my 2nd is still nursing at 21 months right now)

    I would get it from my pediatrician too. There I just either lied about how much he or she was nursing or never brought it up. I felt the DR. didn't know enough about breastfeeding (she quit at 9 months) to advise me past a year.

    Do what feels right, it is perfectly natural to go longer than 1, just because they are one doesn't mean they are ready to be weaned. They are still much a "baby" at one. Nursing helps them become independent in a world they are learning to grasp. It gives them a connection to you and helps build a healthy relationship together as a family. (that is my opinion!)

    Hang in there! It isn't fun, but after a few times, I am sure they will stop asking!

  6. #6
    Join Date
    Jun 2007
    Location
    N. TX
    Posts
    1,231

    Default Re: Dealing with the comments

    [QUOTE=@llli*Halfasianmomma;736520]My husband thinks that a) I'm babying DD and b) if I would just wean her, we could have our sex life back. Right. [QUOTE]

    How dare you BABY a BABY!!! Maybe find ways to be close to your husband so he doesn't feel it is a closed system, either the baby gets you or he does. As for your mom, your daughter's whole life is going to be about you making decisions as her mom, and letting grandma know she is welcome to be a warm loving grandma, but she had her children, and she needs to let you have yours!

  7. #7

    Default Re: Dealing with the comments

    A line I love from Austen's Pride and Prejudice was when Mr. Bennett asked, "What purpose do we serve on earth but to provide amusement to our neighbors?"

    Everyone has an opinion about everything when it comes to parenting, but the good news is, there are plenty of people who agree with you too. I spend time
    (like here) recharging with those who agree with my choices, so I am armed with the humor to help me enjoy whatever amusement my extended nursing is giving my family and friends. (Which appears to be: a lot).

    When they make comments I try to defuse them, like an earlier poster, with jokes like "I was hoping to give away him and his nursies at his wedding." Or "Michael Jordan nursed until he was three, so I'm planning on continuing until he is able to dunk like Michael Jordan. When do you think that will be?"

  8. #8
    Join Date
    Nov 2008
    Location
    Portland
    Posts
    22

    Default Re: Dealing with the comments

    I think most are too afraid to tell me their opions..I know they all think it though. F them! is what I say...as for DH, nursing breasts are the best thing to happen in our sex life. They are big...and messy....payback! Sorry...TMI
    Wolfgang born 10/9/07
    Odin born 2/5/09

  9. #9
    Join Date
    May 2007
    Posts
    4,160

    Default Re: Dealing with the comments

    My family is very supportive of me, I'm lucky. MIL doesn't love the fact that I still nurse my 2+ year old toddler, but I don't give a lick. I don't bring it up as a conversation point though.

    If anyone does ask or chide me for my decisions, I just keep my response simple. Something like, we both still really enjoy it and when the time is right we will wean. That is the truth!
    Lisa

    Mommy to
    Logan 5-23-07
    Colby 12-14-09

  10. #10
    Join Date
    Nov 2006
    Location
    Durham, NC
    Posts
    723

    Default Re: Dealing with the comments

    Quote Originally Posted by @llli*merrick View Post
    "Michael Jordan nursed until he was three, so I'm planning on continuing until he is able to dunk like Michael Jordan. When do you think that will be?"
    How did I NOT know that?!? Cool... another comeback to say.

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