Happy Mothers Breastfed Babies
Results 1 to 7 of 7

Thread: concerns and fears about going BTW...

  1. #1
    Join Date
    Jul 2006
    Posts
    179

    Unhappy concerns and fears about going BTW...

    Hi all. I have some concerns about returning to work... I won't lie... I am scared to death to leave DD!!!! Maybe some of you may be able to help ease my mind.

    When DD was born I had no intentions of staying home w/ her. My DH has a good job and makes decent $ but not enough to keep up w/ everything on his own- our mortgage, our cars, etc... was all budgeted when we were both working FT. When it was time for me to go BTW, DD would not take a bottle for anyone- we tried every kind of bottle, even the adiri breastbottle- nothing worked. My maternity leave ended and I quit my job, DH said I could stay home a few months w/ her and we would pinch pennies and be ok. I have worked w/ her on the bottle which she is doing better with, and she also does fantastic w/ a spoon. Now our bills are piling up and I have to go back to work, my job graciously took me back as a rehire and I start on the 18th. I have been crying all day today just looking at her wondering how I am going to leave her 5 days/wk, 8hr/ day... I know she won't understand why I am suddenly not here with her. I don't want her to feel abandoned, but at almost 4 mo old, it's not like I can explain to her that mommy wants to stay home w/ her but can't! Fortunately her caregiver will be our next door neighbor and I have left Kayleigh with her several times while I ran errands or went to an appt. Kayleigh loves her and I know she will be in good hands.

    Sorry to be so lengthy, but I guess what I am wanting to know from you ladies is how you make up for the time you are away from your LO's? I will work from 8-5 and I usually give her a bath at 7 and put her in bed at 8. I feel like I will never see her! When you all went BTW did you think things like... *what if she says (insert caregivers name here) before mama? I am constantly wondering if I will miss her first word, the first time she crawls, her first step... Am I being paranoid or are these feelings normal? Also, did going BTW disrupt anyone's BFing relationship w/ their LO? Does anyone have any advice to help ease this transition for her (and me...)?

    TIA,
    Shalyn (a very sad mommy today )

  2. #2
    Join Date
    May 2006
    Posts
    929

    Default Re: concerns and fears about going BTW...

    I know exactly how you feel. I was devastated when I returned to work. Admittedly, the fist 2 wks were really hard. DS was not happy with me when I came home but now I walk in the door and he's waiting for me. He smiles ear to ear, giggles and reaches for me! My heart just melts. It will be very hard at first but each day gets a little more bearable and your LO will settle into her new routine.

    It sounds like you have a great childcare option lined up. Could you start off working PT a couple of weeks to ease yourself and your LO into it? Are you close enough to work to run home for lunch to see and nurse your LO?

    Hang in there. Keep us posted on how things go.

    Jennifer
    Amazed and Proud mom of Luke (Lucas) - 4/5/2006; 9 lbs 12 oz , 22in
    Wife to best friend Carl - 11/4/2001

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Jun 2006
    Posts
    166

    Default Re: concerns and fears about going BTW...

    I went back to work part time to help ease into it. Also, the first week I went back to work, my DH took off so that she would still be with daddy even though mommy was gone. Then the next week she started daycare. We tried to do a really slow transition this way and it has worked well for us. She cried a lot the first day with DH (and won't take a bottle at all so was hungry AND missing mommy). But now she is happy at daycare and I feel okay knowing that she is being well taken care of. I spend time with her at the daycare so that she gets used to the room also. I nurse her in the morning before I leave her and also when I pick her up, and I spend about an hour there total every day. This helps me feel comfortable with her teachers and the environment also because I see them interacting with the other babies during this time. After I go back full-time, I will still go there to nurse her at lunch.
    -Alicia
    Mommy to Cadence (5/19/06) and Tessa (4/25/09)

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Jul 2006
    Posts
    994

    Default Re: concerns and fears about going BTW...

    shalyn, those are all natural feelings...and feeling to be expected of a mother who is going back to work. i went back to work at the beginning of last month when my dd was 10 weeks old. it was hard leaving her the first couple of weeks...but it's gotten easier. i leave the house by 7am and i'm home typically by 5:15pm...i nurse her and then we play for a little bit. then i give her a bath around 6:30pm or so...and nurse her to sleep around 7:30pm. my dh used to give dd a bottle of ebm and put her to sleep, but now that i'm back at work, i want to nurse her to sleep at night...and i made sure we didn't use any bottles at all during the weekend. i don't think our bf relationship has changed...i do noticed that she's more eager to bf at night (i think she misses me! )

    i also worry about missing dd's firsts...like i know she'll be rolling over from her back to her tummy very soon!!!! she's almost done it 3 times in the past week...and i may very well miss it. maybe you can have your neighbor take pictures/video of her during the day to capture her "firsts" if they happen when you're at work.

    oh...and bring a few pics of your dd to work to put up if you work in an office type setting. i find myself looking at my dd's pics at least 10 times an hour! LOL! she makes me smile and it makes the day go by faster!

    hang in there and good luck!
    Mommy to...
    Aleina... born on Mother's Day, May 14, 2006...7lbs 4oz, 21.6 inches
    Lauryn Elle...January 26, 2008...7lbs 15oz, 20 inches

  5. #5
    Join Date
    Aug 2006
    Posts
    289

    Default Re: concerns and fears about going BTW...

    How I feel for you and also know what you're going through. My ds (who is my 4th child) is 4 weeks old. I'm a mostly sahm now, and only work one day each week (less if dh will let me!) and I am dreading going back to work even just that little bit. What you're feeling is totally normal- but that doesn't make it feel any better.

    First- if you can, go back to work middle of the week instead of on a Monday. That way you will have only a couple of work days before you'll have the weekend.

    Next- do you work close enough to your home that you can nurse the baby right before you leave, then at lunch, and then as soon as you get home? That would limit the number of bottles she has to have, and will limit how much you have to pump. If it's not an option for you to leave- could your caregiver bring her to you at some point during the day?

    Last- yes- I worried about them saying or doing things first for the caregiver. In fact, I asked my babysitter to please not tell me if they hit any milestones- like sitting up alone- without me there. My dh thought I was silly- but it really was important to me. I don't know if they hit any milestones wiht our wonderful babysitter- so as far as I'm concerned I saw them all as they happened.

    One last thing- expect some marathon nursing right after you go back to work and on the weekends. My babies always nursed a lot more in the evening and at night right after I went back to work- and they nursed much more on the weekend too. I never had a supply problem as long as I pumped about as often as they took a bottle from the caregiver.

    Most of all-hugs to you as you go through this.

  6. #6
    Join Date
    Jul 2006
    Posts
    179

    Default Re: concerns and fears about going BTW...

    Thanks ladies for the kind replies! I do feel better knowing I am not the only one w/ these thoughts and feelings. DH doesn't understand... I have tried talking to him about it and he just doesn't look at it the same way as me bc she was 3 days old when he went BTW!!! And it is different for mommies I think! Unfortunately, I live about 15 min from my job and have only a 1/2 hr lunch break, so coming home on lunch is not an option. The sitter may be able to bring her to see me some days, but where I would nurse her I have no idea!!! Going back part time to let her adjust gradually is not an option. When I asked for my job back they did not give me the impression I could pick and choose anything! I guess I am lucky they took me back at all! I left her today w/ our neighbor for about 5 hours and she was just fine. She said she only cried once and that is when it wasn't mommy who came to get her when she woke up after her nap! She took the bottle no problem, all was good! I really appreciate you all responding, I feel better now. I especially loooove the idea of having the sitter not tell me if she hits a milestone that i don't see. Kinda like, if she sits up the first time in her crib in the middle of the night, I won't see it, but what I don't know won't hurt me!!! I love that! Luckily, I have seen everything thus far... she is rolling both ways, smiling, laughing, scooting.. from this point on - when I see it I will consider it her first time!!! Thanks again!

  7. #7
    Join Date
    Jul 2006
    Posts
    65

    Default Re: concerns and fears about going BTW...

    The first week is tough any way you look at it. Try to have as much stuff lined up ahead, easy frozen meals or DH picks up supper (or maybe even have a snack before you leave work and wait for supper until DD goes to bed), give your neighbor frozen milk and have her keep diapers/wipes (and maybe even an extra outfit or 2!) there if she will, have enough bottles so if you don't wash them that day they'll still be enough. I found that when I did go back to work I appreciated all the more every precious moment with my DC. And I totally agree with the telling the babysitter not to tell you about milestones. I really like that about mine. Huggs, it's hard!!!!!!
    Margaret and
    DS 2/06 nursed x1yr
    and DD 3/08, so far so good!

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •