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Thread: I'm losing ME!

  1. #11
    Join Date
    Nov 2008
    Location
    Ontario, Canada
    Posts
    2,475

    Default Re: I'm losing ME!

    I agree that you have to make YOU a priority too. As Mom's, we put "us" at the bottom of the list. However, if you were the CEO of a company, and you saw your key, right hand person running themselves ragged, you'd force them to take time to recharge. Since you ARE the CEO of your life, you need to force yourself to invest in you. Schedule yourself something once a week where you know that this time is for YOU. Stroll around a mall, go for a walk through a park, treat yourself to an ice cream.

    I agree that going to a hair dresser to give you a "wash n wear" style would be best. Maybe scrinch it with a bit of product and go. A girl friend and I also spent an afternoon once with a makeup artist to teach us about our makeup. She reviewed our makeup bags, told us what was good, what wasn't, how to apply it for the best effect. She also taught us a "quick day look" which was under 3 minutes and how to "vamp it up for night" which was an additional 5 minutes. It was a GREAT afternoon and really helped me to know that if I set up LO for 3 minutes in her exersaucer with some nutrio's, I had time to make myself look human.
    Mommy to our DD1 early bird (34 weeks, 2 days, 7lbs, 14oz)! Oct. 2nd, 2008 Emergency C-Section, Frank Breech, HEALTHY Girl!
    Weaned @ 17 months
    Our DD2 early bird (37 weeks, 3 days, 7lbs, 12oz) Aug. 10th, 2010 Our Successful VBAC, growing like a bad weed!
    Weaned @ 15 months
    Our DD3 early bird (37 weeks, 3 days, 7lbs, 6oz) Feb. 16th, 2012 Our 2nd VBAC and lightening speedy birth!

    Loving being a Mom of 3, 40 months apart!!
    and

  2. #12
    Join Date
    Jun 2008
    Posts
    1,255

    Default Re: I'm losing ME!

    I work FT and have two DD's. I put me last too, so I don't have any better advice than PP's on WHAT to do with your personal time. However, I've found what works for me in order to get some time. I am very scheduled and detail-oriented. I have household routines that split out my housework, cooking, shopping, etc. into different days - ie. Mondays I do girls' laundry, Tuesdays I clean bathrooms and dust (every other one that house keeper doesn't come), Wednesday are treat days/chore night off, Thurs I wash couch covers and vacuum furniture in living room, Friday I meal plan, Sat I do mine and DH's laundry, Sun I do grocery shopping. Every night I cook dinner, pick up the house and vacuum (I have slight OCD issues with fuzz and have pets). Anyway, by spreading out my chores and knowing exactly what I should do to stay caught up, I feel better and can relax when done if that makes sense (instead of thinking, no, I can't sit down now - I have to do x or y first).

  3. #13
    Join Date
    Oct 2006
    Posts
    4,836

    Default Re: I'm losing ME!

    Quote Originally Posted by @llli*mama-cpa View Post
    I work FT and have two DD's. I put me last too, so I don't have any better advice than PP's on WHAT to do with your personal time. However, I've found what works for me in order to get some time. I am very scheduled and detail-oriented. I have household routines that split out my housework, cooking, shopping, etc. into different days - ie. Mondays I do girls' laundry, Tuesdays I clean bathrooms and dust (every other one that house keeper doesn't come), Wednesday are treat days/chore night off, Thurs I wash couch covers and vacuum furniture in living room, Friday I meal plan, Sat I do mine and DH's laundry, Sun I do grocery shopping. Every night I cook dinner, pick up the house and vacuum (I have slight OCD issues with fuzz and have pets). Anyway, by spreading out my chores and knowing exactly what I should do to stay caught up, I feel better and can relax when done if that makes sense (instead of thinking, no, I can't sit down now - I have to do x or y first).
    Holy crap You get more done than I do and I stay at home!!! WTG I am impressed.

  4. #14
    Join Date
    Jun 2008
    Posts
    1,255

    Default Re: I'm losing ME!

    Quote Originally Posted by @llli*shannon75 View Post
    Holy crap You get more done than I do and I stay at home!!! WTG I am impressed.
    Thanks Did you see the part where I said I have OCD issues Seriously, it helps that my girls are now 2 and 4 and like to "help" me with chores and my DH gets home about an hour later than me and can play with them some when I'm doing stuff they don't like to do.

  5. #15
    Join Date
    May 2009
    Location
    Where they keep it weird
    Posts
    1,182

    Default Re: I'm losing ME!

    I think having that kind of schedule is a good idea. I've tried to do it...wash this on tuesday, do this on Wednesday etc. It doesn't seem to last for me though. But I'll keep trying.
    I am Lea (middle name)
    Mama to Dominic born on 3/23/09
    Wife to G 4/27/07
    We're blessed to have been for 3 years and counting! Proud to with our squirmy worm

    "My home is not a place, it is people."
    -Lois McMaster Bujold

  6. #16
    Join Date
    Jun 2009
    Posts
    11

    Default Re: I'm losing ME!

    I'm glad to hear I'm not the only one! Some things that I've learned...I apply my make up while nursing before I leave for work. I don't have lunch as I generally work through lunch to make up for my pump breaks (plus my job usually requires 45-50 hour weeks and I need that extra time). I do however try and call my best friend while I'm pumping on her day off to keep up on the girl talk (she ignores the pump sucking sound in the background). And I had to admit to myself after 4 weeks back at work after baby #2 that I wasn't super-mommy and we hired a housekeeper to do the dirty work. It killed me to admit it and shell out the money, but now I see it's the best money I've spent as it keeps those tasks from weighing on me and lets me focus on my family!

  7. #17
    Join Date
    Aug 2006
    Posts
    8,018

    Default Re: I'm losing ME!

    One thing really jumped out at me from your post: "a demanding DH"
    What is his role in all of this? Is he much help with the kids/house?
    I agree that if you can make your lunch hours or commute time "me" time that might help.
    I also agree that if you can spare some cash, hiring help with some of those nagging tasks like housecleaning or yardwork can be a huge help.

    Molly

    Loving mama to JP (DS, 1/03 ~ nursed 6 mos), EL (DD1, 9/05 ~ nursed 4 yrs), EJ (DD2, 3/08 ~ nursed 3 yrs 9 mos), and
    JM (DD3, 6/12 ~ currently nursing), all born naturally
    Devoted wife to SAHD P, my hero
    A few of my favorite things that I've discovered on the forum: co-sleeping, baby-wearing, tandem nursing, baby-led solids, cloth diapering, APing, selective vaccination...the list goes on

  8. #18
    Join Date
    Jan 2009
    Location
    lookingforchange!!
    Posts
    846

    Default Re: I'm losing ME!

    Quote Originally Posted by @llli*number4 View Post
    It's taxing to be everything to everyone isn't it

    I know when I was working I made every moment I was alone 'me' time. Some examples...

    I was deliberate about the music I listended to in the car to and from work.

    Any phone call I might have made on my lunch hour was to a friend to be 'just one of the girls'

    I made sure to read books I enjoyed on my lunch hour as well.

    I was sure to bring or buy something for lunch that I really loved and reveled in the fact that I didn't have to share it

    (Lunch hour was big for me can you tell )

    I made those moments count... because I was a single working mom and I didn't have time otherwise.

    Find those little pockets of time, those precious moments and do something that makes you you. Oh and yes - go to the salon... sometimes beauty schools offer great discounts if money is an issue

    I try this - so when I pump, I mostly come onto the forums and try to make it 'me' time...It's enough here and there - I sometimes feel like I'm only Mommy and let everything else slip to the waistside, IFKWIM?

    And Molly, yes, DH is demanding - but so am I....I expect him to do all of HIS JOBS and he expects me to do all mine....So we play off eachother....I don't fix a thing in my house, or wash cars, or take out the garbage and obviously a bunch of other 'his' jobs - so we do push eachother but I do take care of the kids, for the most part.


    We've made it 1 YEAR




    A newborn baby has only three demands. They are warmth in the arms of its mother, food from her breasts, and security in the knowledge of her presence. Breastfeeding satisfies all three. ~Grantly Dick-Read

    Stacey

    Married to DH since 2001
    Mommy to Mikki 2006
    Mommy to Xander 2008

  9. #19

    Default Re: I'm losing ME!

    I think we all go through this from time to time. I work a full time job and a part time job - 48 hours a week. I get home at 8:00 some nights to realize that I need to do laundry for the following day (I have to wake up at 4:15 am for work). What I do to help me feel like I am getting some "me time" is go to lunch with some of my friends every couple of weeks or so or I will take a nice, long, hot bubble bath. You may feel like me - I can't rest or take a break until it's all done. It can be a problem. You have to train yourself to realize that you don't have to look perfect or have the perfect house to be happy. It's taken me years to realize this, but it will come. You are doing a wonderful job!

  10. #20
    Join Date
    Aug 2006
    Posts
    8,018

    Default Re: I'm losing ME!

    Quote Originally Posted by @llli*airportmom View Post
    And Molly, yes, DH is demanding - but so am I....I expect him to do all of HIS JOBS and he expects me to do all mine....So we play off eachother....I don't fix a thing in my house, or wash cars, or take out the garbage and obviously a bunch of other 'his' jobs - so we do push eachother but I do take care of the kids, for the most part.
    That makes sense. Your first post gave me the impression that he was not stepping up. DH and I have certain tasks that one of us usually takes care of, too. Even so, IMHO it might help you to give over some of the childcare duties, at least once every week or so for a few hours. Even an hour or two can be sanity-saving. If DH won't do it, what about a babysitter for a couple hours?
    Also, I reiterate my suggestion of "outsourcing" some tasks. Example: DH usually mows the lawn but when we are really busy we hire a neighbor kid to do it for $20, well spent. We have even been known to hire a housecleaning service occassionally when we fall behind.
    We also don't have super high standards for cleanliness around here! I mean, we keep the kitchen and bathrooms clean and we keep up with dishes and laundry, but dusting and vacuuming are only every 2-3 weeks. I'm not embarrassed because I'd rather have a little more time for my kids, my DH and myself than have a spotless house. It's a personal choice.

    Molly

    Loving mama to JP (DS, 1/03 ~ nursed 6 mos), EL (DD1, 9/05 ~ nursed 4 yrs), EJ (DD2, 3/08 ~ nursed 3 yrs 9 mos), and
    JM (DD3, 6/12 ~ currently nursing), all born naturally
    Devoted wife to SAHD P, my hero
    A few of my favorite things that I've discovered on the forum: co-sleeping, baby-wearing, tandem nursing, baby-led solids, cloth diapering, APing, selective vaccination...the list goes on

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