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Thread: In-laws who don't support BF

  1. #1
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    May 2009
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    Default In-laws who don't support BF

    I have been BF my son for 5 months now. He is thriving, a healthy 19 lbs. However, my husbands parents make comments that upset me. They say things like "You need to stop BF, or you will drive yourself mad" or "we think you should stop because he doesnt want anyone else to hold him" or "you need to stop BF so you can get some sleep because you look tired". No one in my family has been successful at BF. I work and pump, but BF my baby when I get home and every where else I go. Since I know it bothers them I leave the room to feed him. I was determined to BF because I know breast is best, but I feel if someone else makes another comment about me BF my son I'm going to totally loose it! Has anyone had this problem? If so, I welcome all opinions.
    Last edited by @llli*joshua.smom; May 13th, 2009 at 03:36 PM.

  2. #2
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    Default Re: In-laws who don't support BF

    HI! Yes-check out the thread called dealing with criticism-you'll fine that you are not alone and that your IL's comments are common.

    When your child gets older people start to constantly comment about when you're gonna wean! Just realize that it's YOUR child and your choice. GL!
    Mommy to Maxwell 10-9-07 weaned with love (a party and a remote control monster truck) on his 4th birthday
    My Boy 3-16-10
    And my sweet pea Sam 2-12-11

    Watch Your Language

  3. #3
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    Default Re: In-laws who don't support BF

    I totally understand. I found that people are jealous. Breastfeeding is something they can't duplicate. There's nothin' like Mom! Know that this is your child and it is your decision. Hopefully your DH stands beside you on this. Maybe you could give them a detailed reminder of why breast is best

  4. #4
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    Default Re: In-laws who don't support BF

    I would think of a response that you can say EVERY time they make a comment. Make it polite but not open-ended so they can't think you are wanting to talk about. After a while they'll realize that not only do you not want to talk about it, but you also aren't going to stop BFing. Good luck, I'm sure that's hard to put up with


    Jeanne (my middle name IRL)


    Mommy to two girls (M & M), born Sept. '07 and Sept. '09

  5. #5
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    Default Re: In-laws who don't support BF

    mama....don't let the ill-informed get you down. You're right, breast is best. If people want to make comments just smile a pretty smile and say "thanks, I am doing what is right for my child."

    You can be sure to remind them that the US is the only country where women so casually give up on BF at alarming rates, and how BF has been proven to reduce the risk of cancer, obesity, asthma, cardiovascular disease, heart attack, stroke, SIDS, rheumatoid arthritis, stress.......

    Now ask them why do they want you to quit again?
    I'm Hillary
    Wife to Gualberto
    Mom to Nolan
    Born at 32 weeks-3lbs/10oz
    11-25-2007
    Our precious early angel


    Remember, you are not managing an inconvenience; You are raising a human being ~ Kittie Frantz
    Unthinking respect for authority is the greatest enemy of truth ~ Albert Einstein
    First they ignore you, then they ridicule you, then they fight you, then you win ~ Mahatma Gandhi
    Looking for more information about vaccines?

  6. #6
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    Default Re: In-laws who don't support BF

    Unfortunately, a lot of moms get these sorts of comments. I think you have 2 choices: ignore your ILs, or confront the problem and educate them. If you choose to ignore, you're going to get these ridiculous comments until you "finally" wean. That could be a long time- months, years... Who knows, they could even continue on for the rest of your life! You know "Well, if you hadn't breastfed him for so long he wouldn't be coloring on the walls/getting detention/majoring in art history, etc."

    If you choose to confront the problem, here's one way to do it: you and your DH can sit down with your ILs and say-calmly- "You seem very concerned about your grandson continuing to nurse. We appreciate your concern, and we know that you want to make things easier for everyone, but breastfeeding works just fine for our family, and we are going to continue on with it. Here's why." And then I would hand them a stack of articles, including the following:
    When to Wean
    Unraveling Breast Milk
    Extend Breastfeeding's Benefits

    If they continue on with the criticism, then I don't think you should feel afraid to draw some boundaries and say "Look, you know how we feel about this, and we know how you feel. Frankly, your continued criticism is hurtful. If we can't agree on this subject, let's just agree not to discuss it."
    Coolest thing my big girl said recently: "How can you tell the world is moving when you are standing on it?"
    Coolest thing my little girl sang recently: "I love dat one-two pupples!"

  7. #7
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    Default Re: In-laws who don't support BF

    Thanks so much. I think the articles will help. Both of my in laws say that they were formula fed. Informing them of the benefits of breast milk is best. I just don't want to disrespect his parents, but boundaries must be set. My son is 5 months old now and they keep pushing and pushing the subject. I have tried to ignore their comments, but the older my son gets the more comments I get. I will nurse my son until he is ready to stop! THANKS AGAIN and WISH ME LUCK!

  8. #8
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    Default Re: In-laws who don't support BF

    I fell your pain mama! My first DD was 6 weeks early and my in-laws would literally roll their eyes when I would leave the room to feed her! Well, thanks to the benefits of that BM, she went from less than 5 pounds at birth to 9 pounds at 2 months! Thank God for "Miracle Grow" BM!! It sure was nice to be able to "prove" to them how well she thrived on just BM. It committed me to BF my next 2 children who also have thrived. It is hard and you need to try to get the point across to them that you are not going to stop. But, more important than that is to make sure you have a good support network elsewhere. There are weekly "groups" you can attend that will help you with that.
    Keep up the great work and GOOD LUCK!

  9. #9
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    Default Re: In-laws who don't support BF

    Good luck mama! Once you've told them where you stand I hope the comments stop, but if they don't, remember that you don't have to defend your parenting choices. After you've made the attempt to educate them you might want to resort to comments like, "our pediatrician says this is the best thing for him" or something like that. It's hard for them to argue with a statement like that.
    “We are not put on earth for ourselves, but are placed here for each other. If you are there always for others, then in time of need, someone will be there for you.”
    --Anonymous

  10. #10
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    Default Re: In-laws who don't support BF

    Oh boy - do I get the same thing...
    I even posted here how my 'own' mom and DH are not totally onboard, either...Don't let it get you down....I just tell them - I'm the mommy!


    We've made it 1 YEAR




    A newborn baby has only three demands. They are warmth in the arms of its mother, food from her breasts, and security in the knowledge of her presence. Breastfeeding satisfies all three. ~Grantly Dick-Read

    Stacey

    Married to DH since 2001
    Mommy to Mikki 2006
    Mommy to Xander 2008

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