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Thread: What do I do?

  1. #1
    Join Date
    Jan 2008
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    Default What do I do?

    I really want to be done nursing Emma but she doesn't seem willing to let go of her last 2 sessions. I know in my heart she's not quite ready to be done completely, but honestly I think it's because she likes my milk not so much because she needs the comfort - at least that seems to be true 90% of the time. I feel like we've done this for 2 1/2 years, I am REALLY HAPPY when she doesn't ask, and really want to enjoy nursing Owen, which right now I feel so annoyed by having to nurse her that I don't really enjoy nursing him (although is it just less "magical" with a second child?). BUT, at the same time I can say, she's only 2 1/2 years old, she loves to nurse (asks several times a day, gets really excited in the morning and night when she's allowed to and tells me "mommy I so excited to nurse" and is especially happy when she nurses at the same time as Owen, and I feel guilty for even wanting it to end but I do. I'm sure I'll be a little sad after but I think I'll be mostly relieved when she's done. I've been trying to tell myself "you'll be sad when it's over, so let her keep going" plus I know it's still good for her. I read articles on the benefits of extended breastfeeding and that helps me keep going for a bit, but it's getting less and less effective for me.

    I just feel like I'm in a no-win situation here. If I keep going, I'm unhappy about it, but if I stop she will be really unhappy. What do I do? Is there some way I can get the desire to keep providing this for her back? And how do I feel like I'm not cheating Owen out of the deal because I am just sick of nursing.
    Mommy to:

    Emmalynn Marie
    Born at 37 weeks on 12/22/06
    5lbs 1oz 19 1/2in

    Owen Charles
    Born at 29 wks 6 days on 01/17/09
    2lbs 14oz 15in
    In NICU for 2 months


  2. #2
    Join Date
    May 2007
    Posts
    4,160

    Default Re: What do I do?



    I vote for weaning her. You're not happy. At 2.5 it's a mutual relationship, if it's not working for you then it's a good time to wrap it up. Let the guilt go momma!!!

    She is so bright, I think that she will understand. Have you tried talking to her about it?

    So many ways to wean her, you have to find the right thing that works for you though. You could start by cutting back to once a day, and then only weekends. Have you thought about having a weaning party for her?
    Lisa

    Mommy to
    Logan 5-23-07
    Colby 12-14-09

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Jan 2008
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    1,081

    Default Re: What do I do?

    I have talked to her about it, but I haven't told her I don't like to nurse her. I've said things like "soon you will be all done nursing" and "Emma you are a lucky girl to still nurse, many children who are your age don't nurse anymore." But it's hard because I don't want her to feel bad for wanting to nurse, or that it's not o.k. for her to want it - afterall I just read an article explaining the natural age for weaning is from 2 1/2 to 7 years old. So this is why I feel guilty...she wouldn't be self-weaning, the best kind of weaning right? And in theory I want the best for her but I can't seem to be fine with continuing to nurse her. And I wonder why that really is?

    Quote Originally Posted by @llli*green.momma View Post


    I vote for weaning her. You're not happy. At 2.5 it's a mutual relationship, if it's not working for you then it's a good time to wrap it up. Let the guilt go momma!!!

    She is so bright, I think that she will understand. Have you tried talking to her about it?

    So many ways to wean her, you have to find the right thing that works for you though. You could start by cutting back to once a day, and then only weekends. Have you thought about having a weaning party for her?
    Mommy to:

    Emmalynn Marie
    Born at 37 weeks on 12/22/06
    5lbs 1oz 19 1/2in

    Owen Charles
    Born at 29 wks 6 days on 01/17/09
    2lbs 14oz 15in
    In NICU for 2 months


  4. #4
    Join Date
    Mar 2008
    Posts
    2,538

    Default Re: What do I do?

    have you tried offering pumped BM?
    Autumn
    Moma to *Silas* 10-30-07

  5. #5
    Join Date
    Nov 2007
    Location
    SW Ohio
    Posts
    3,133

    Default Re: What do I do?

    Have you tried making her 2 remaining sessions shorter and shorter? Perhaps by singing a song or counting? I know I have seen Paige post about when her DD was weaning... singing twinkle twinkle 3 times while nursing, then working down to just 2 times, then just once. Perhaps if Emma's 2 remaining sessions get super short, she will eventually give up on them??

    Of course, there is also bribery... I know it sounds bad, but is there anything that she loves more than nursing? My DD will do just about anything for a single jelly bean, and I often use that to my advantage.
    IRL all my friends call me Buff, Wife to CB since 10/11/2003

    Mom to DD - "MJ" born 9/2007 @ 8lbs 10oz, 21.5" She's 6 years old!
    My journey nursing MJ started HERE, but we got through it and she breastfed 19.5 months, self-weaned on 5/17/09


    Mom to my current nursling, DS - "ME" born 10/2009 @ 10lbs 1oz, 22.25" He's 4 years old! And yup, he's still nursing.

    Ask me about my successful VBAC! Click here for my birth story.



  6. #6
    Join Date
    Aug 2006
    Posts
    8,018

    Default Re: What do I do?

    Oh, my, what a tough situation. My DD1 still loves nursing and gets excited about it, too. She just lights up when she gets to nurse.
    Anyway, are you getting any time for you, mama? Is there anything else you can do to not feel so touched out? Anyone to help you out?

    Molly

    Loving mama to JP (DS, 1/03 ~ nursed 6 mos), EL (DD1, 9/05 ~ nursed 4 yrs), EJ (DD2, 3/08 ~ nursed 3 yrs 9 mos), and
    JM (DD3, 6/12 ~ currently nursing), all born naturally
    Devoted wife to SAHD P, my hero
    A few of my favorite things that I've discovered on the forum: co-sleeping, baby-wearing, tandem nursing, baby-led solids, cloth diapering, APing, selective vaccination...the list goes on

  7. #7
    Join Date
    Feb 2008
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    2,005

    Default Re: What do I do?

    Maybe try talking to her about when she thinks she should be done nursing.
    Some toddlers seem to respond well to coming up with a date or event that will signify their time to stop. Is she starting preschool, a vacation or anything that you could suggest to help her decide that is when she will be grown up enough to not need mommy's milk?

    Have you read this article
    http://www.llli.org/llleaderweb/LV/LVMarApr87p23.html

    Ds1 weaned while I was pg so I never tandem nursed. I think you are doing an amazing job.
    Proud mom of 2 boys, both weaned gradually and with love.


    Find a local LLL leader

    For each and every one of us, the person from whom we can learn the most is our own baby: listen to him. - Mary White, LLL co-founder

    The best-kept secret in child psychology is that children who were never spanked are among the best behaved."
    Murray Straus, Ph.D.

  8. #8
    Join Date
    Jan 2008
    Posts
    1,081

    Default Re: What do I do?

    I haven't tried offering her pumped bm mostly because I'm not pumping right now because Owen and I have been battling thrush off and on for 2 months. I don't have any reason to pump really, except the milk bank called the other day wondering if I was going to give any more milk and I'm like soon as we get all this under control!).

    I've used the singing thing with her a lot - that's one of the things that helped get us down to these 2 sessions a day. Otherwise Emma would seriously nurse every 3 hours still!

    And "me time" happens, sporadically but it usually involves Owen which is ok with me right now. Every Monday afternoon, for 2 hours, I take Owen and go to the same nursing support group I've gone to since Emma was born. I got a lot of help and advice and stuff when Emma was little and the lactation consultants are like 90% of the reason why Owen is nursing now, so it's nice to go and help the other newer moms there. Last Friday night I took Owen and went to a girlfriend's house and we talked and watched a movie. Tonight I'm going to meet with a social worker regarding all the issues around Owen's birth and not having any more kids (I'll bring Owen and DH will take Emma) and then I'm going to the grocery store. Not sure how to add in any more time away from Emma.

    I just feel so torn. I want to do what's best for her. I just feel like she is so demanding towards nursing, especially in the morning, and I feel like cringing when she demands to nurse. It's not even like she asks. She demands it. I understand she only gets to twice a day and really wants to, but I SO WISH she would let go a little and let me do other things with her instead at those times. I know I need to be careful about this because she WILL remember nursing and probably how it ended at this point. And when she retells something to us, she will remember the 1 not so good thing from an experience and say that before the 99 good things. KWIM? I guess I'm looking for the peaceful weaning and since it's not going to happen right now, how do I hold off and wait for it without feeling so yucky towards nursing her?
    Mommy to:

    Emmalynn Marie
    Born at 37 weeks on 12/22/06
    5lbs 1oz 19 1/2in

    Owen Charles
    Born at 29 wks 6 days on 01/17/09
    2lbs 14oz 15in
    In NICU for 2 months


  9. #9
    Join Date
    Mar 2007
    Posts
    1,110

    Default Re: What do I do?

    I'm in the exact same situation. I feel so guilty since DD2 was born, I'm doing a lot better but at the beginning, I let DD1 nurse all the time because I felt so guilty I couldn't set limits. I changed my mind when I was visiting my parents and my dad said, you know what? I feel a lot of anger when you nurse DD1. That day I realized I needed to do something cause if he noticed it (I never said anything about not wanting to nurse her, I was being very careful on hiding my feelings) she would notice it too. And I am pro baby-led weaning but after that I think this is a two way relationship and if it's not working for both then it's better to stop.

    That day I talked with DD1 and told her we were going to nurse only 3 times a day. And I said to myself, I'll do it until I start feeling resentment again and that's what happened to me the last few weeks so since last week I've been nursing her only once a day. It started a little by accident. She wakes up at 5:30am every day and one day I couldn't get up of bed and told her, lets watch TV instead and I went back to bed (couldn't sleep but at least I rested:P) Since then I offer her to go and watch TV and a cookie. She asks but it's easy to distract. At night DH took charge of bed time and now, when she asks, I tell her, lets read a book instead. The last one will be the one after naps. I'll keep it for awhile until I'm convinced I want to stop it.

    My suggestion is to cut to only 1 session a day but you have to be convinced about it first, you'll need to be consistent.

    I don't know what to tell you about the yucky feeling towards nursing because I feel the same way but I'm in the same situation, if you want you can PM me and we can vent to one another for awhile :

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