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Thread: Did any of you have to convince your dh...

  1. #11
    Join Date
    May 2006
    Posts
    112

    Default Re: Did any of you have to convince your dh...

    I am lucky, I guess, to be a part of one of those "breastfeeding couples" so DH has always been supportive of bf from day one...and has encouraged me to continue as long as dd and I desire. I'd like to think that Daddies should always be a part of the discussion but I realize they're not all "liberated men" like my DH.

    But getting to your question about "time away"...we took a 3-day weekend away when DD was 9 months old and I was still breastfeeding pretty steadily so I pumped and dumped while away (there was no way to store the milk) and had frozen milk stored at home for granny to use. Now that she is over a year, DD nurses about 3 times a day and has no interest in a bottle (ebm or cow's milk) so I don't pump at work or leave milk for the sitter, but she does nurse AM and PM (and usually when I come home from work). Sometimes I have to travel for work and will pump to relieve the pressure while I'm away, but she really doesn't seem interested in breastmilk unless it's coming straight from mama anymore. She still is able to go to sleep with daddy (or the sitter) and seems to be ok.

  2. #12
    Join Date
    Apr 2006
    Posts
    92

    Default Re: Did any of you have to convince your dh...

    Quote Originally Posted by epbrown
    I never thought I would want to nurse this long, let alone beyond a year, so I can understand where he is coming from. Now that I am here, though, I want to continue indefinitely.

    And have you left your los overnight with others while still nursing? How? Why?
    I never thought I would nurse this long either, but here we are a month away from ds's 1st b-day and we have no plans to stop. I definately feel ya there.
    I do leave him at night frequently - I work nights either 4 or 6pm-2am or 12am-8am. He still wakes up, sometimes he does fine w/ a bottle and goes back to sleep; sometimes he freaks out b/c he really wanted mama milks. Either way we all survive. Nothing is as certain as this: bfing is an emotional agenda like I NEVER would have believed before I lived it. It is certainly something your dh can choose to support or not, but something he can never, ever completely understand. The deep, deep bond between you and that baby when you offer something no person on earth can give but you is God-given and for you alone. DH needs to understand that bfing is not forever, even if it becomes "extended," and he can and will have a bond with your lo too (even if the bond to you is stronger right now). It helped my dh for me to suggest ways he could bond with our lo separate from me, and he came up with some on his own too. He communicates his progress with "bonding," he's so proud when he finds something that is just theirs to share! Your DH may feel more comfy with you bfing a toddler and continuing that bond if he is finding things that are unique to him and your lo, away from you. It sounds a lot like he needs some bonding outlets too, so he can feel secure in his role as Daddy.
    I hope I'm not off-base! It's easy to be passionate about bfing and go on tangents!!!

  3. #13
    Join Date
    Aug 2006
    Posts
    8,018

    Default Re: Did any of you have to convince your dh...

    Since I hijacked this thread, I think I speak for me and the OP when I say thanks for all the responses! Keep 'em coming!

    Molly

    Loving mama to JP (DS, 1/03 ~ nursed 6 mos), EL (DD1, 9/05 ~ nursed 4 yrs), EJ (DD2, 3/08 ~ nursed 3 yrs 9 mos), and
    JM (DD3, 6/12 ~ currently nursing), all born naturally
    Devoted wife to SAHD P, my hero
    A few of my favorite things that I've discovered on the forum: co-sleeping, baby-wearing, tandem nursing, baby-led solids, cloth diapering, APing, selective vaccination...the list goes on

  4. #14
    Join Date
    Mar 2006
    Posts
    1,048

    Default Re: Did any of you have to convince your dh...

    Quote Originally Posted by Wolfemom
    The deep, deep bond between you and that baby when you offer something no person on earth can give but you is God-given and for you alone.
    Well, actually one of my favorite babysitters for dd is lactating. (Note that you can spread HIV and hep. through breastmilk so don't take this as advice.) Back when she was tiny and wouldn't take a bottle and I just hated leaving her at all, it was a comforting that someone COULD give her this if she needed it. But the deep bond, yeah, that's for mama. That's one nice thing about extended breastfeeding though, is that when I do separate, I don't worry if she's thirsty or hungry or something. And often toddlers go to sleep better when mom's away. (I babysit and it's a pretty clear pattern at nap time.) So its just something special that the two of us do to reinforce that bond and relax together. If I'm not around, she really DOESN'T need to nurse. But she does love it. Its just part of her way of being with mommy.

  5. #15
    Join Date
    Jan 2006
    Posts
    1,198

    Default Re: Did any of you have to convince your dh...

    OH, this is a GREAT discussion. I really want to chime in -- and I will try to do so tomorrow. I just MUST get some sleep.....J is fighting a bug and just isn't sleeping.....so neither are DH and I!
    -linda

  6. #16
    Join Date
    Sep 2006
    Posts
    8

    Red face Re: Did any of you have to convince your dh...

    what does dh and dd stand for?Im new to this.

  7. #17
    Join Date
    Feb 2006
    Posts
    1,168

    Default Re: Did any of you have to convince your dh...

    Quote Originally Posted by EmilyAngel
    what does dh and dd stand for?Im new to this.
    Try this link for definitions of lots of the common abbreviations on these boards:

    http://www.lalecheleague.org/vbullet...read.php?t=807

    --Rebecca

  8. #18

    Default Re: Did any of you have to convince your dh...

    I am lucky to have a supportive dh. He seems to feel that breastfeeding is between me and Em, and he is hapy to have me make the call on that one. Teh only concession I have made is that Emily has started sleeping in her crib. DH had beensleepign on the couch a lot and I finally realized it was because he gets freaked out when she isn in the bed, I think it scares him. So, Em and I go tot bed together and we do thye late night sleep shuffle when dh gets home from work, between midnight and 2am. This way dh andI can reconnect (that's a fancy word for it ) and I still get to nurse most of the night. I get up at 4:45 or so and we rock and nurse one more time before I go to work.
    Mother to Emily June, b. Sept 18, 2005 and Lucy Quinn, b. 1/20/2012

    “Buy the ticket, take the ride."
    Hunter S. Thompson

    Excitement on the Side: Who doesn't love a confident woman with long boobs...

  9. #19
    Join Date
    Apr 2006
    Posts
    9

    Default Re: Did any of you have to convince your dh...

    My OH was really supportive of bfing when DD was tiny (good job, as we had a very tough time and I'm not sure I would have carried on without his support and encouragement) but was very unsure as she approached 1 year old. Part of it I know was the social aspect - not wanting to deal with other people's disapproval - but also he just didn't see what the benefit was. He has gradually learned - we've all learned together as a family - how extended bfing has benefitted us all (DD is now 38 months and still nursing).

    As for leaving her overnight, since DD was about 14 months old I have worked varying shifts, including night shifts - but she's been with her daddy, not left with anyone else. I think we're getting to the point where we may all be happy about her spending the night with grandparents, and we've certainly managed evenings out since she was about 21 months (with familiar carers i.e. grandparents putting her to bed in familiar surroundings at our house), but up to now I don't think any of us were ready for her to spend the night without either parent. DD has slept in her own bed since she was a bit over 2 years old, but usually comes in with us in the early hours - usually when I work nights I come home to find the 2 of them snuggled in bed together.

    In fact, my OH has even become a bit of a lactivist - a few weeks ago I came home from work to find that he had taken her to visit his parents, wearing a t-shirt with the slogan "I'll wean when I'm ready" which he had chosen to dress her in (I had gone out to work early leaving them both asleep). He's definitely come around to the idea and will defend extended bfing to anyone who questions it!

    HTH

    Hannah and Miriam (28th June 2003)

  10. #20
    Join Date
    Mar 2006
    Posts
    8,591

    Default Re: Did any of you have to convince your dh...

    Still waiting for your thoughts Linda!!!

    Erin
    Wife to a grizzly
    Mama to my little deer (12/05) my loving bear cub (9/07--), and our little tiger (3/22/10)
    Born by one c-section and 2 amazing VBACs


    Miles in 2012: 350.5/900 (Actual Miles Ran: 189)
    Miles in 2011: 708.5 (Actual Miles Ran: 509)
    Miles in 2010: 800.5 (Actual Miles Ran: 620)

    January Miles: 37.5/75
    February Miles: 59/75
    March Miles: 42.5/60
    April Miles: 64
    May Miles: 41/70
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    July Miles: 39.5

    227.5 miles on my new shoes
    338 miles on my old shoes

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