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Thread: DH advice

  1. #1
    Join Date
    May 2006
    Posts
    11

    Default DH advice

    I just started back to work this week. I'm having a hard time being without my sweet baby. I just want to play and cuddle my ds every minute I'm with him. DH doesn't understand. He says I'm taking time away from "us". I say ds is "us". He seems to always want to hold him when he knows I'm enjoying my time with ds. It really irks me. Any advice?

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Jun 2006
    Location
    COUGARTOWN Baby! From here on in!
    Posts
    17,469

    Default Re: DH advice

    Sounds like your husband may be having some jealousy issues...and some issues adjusting which is normal. Alot of us have a huge shift in our focus as well as less to no sex and when your breastfeeding you will sometimes find you just don't have a lot of room for intimacy w/your spouse because "holding/cuddling all the time" IS intimacy as is BFing and if your co-sleeping on top of all that...that can be a lot for a man to take indefinately. I find that the truth about what partnership really is stands right up in the face of a child. If my needs are being met I try to meet my husbands. I haven't really been in the "mood" since my son got here. Besides all the issues I've listed here I am fatter than I've ever been and I'm tired all the time. But my husband comes home and gives me a break everyday so I can continue to be so loving an deeply intimate with my baby, he makes sure I'm fed, he let's me go to the store alone,.....if in return for that he needs me to focus on him for an 1/2hour a day and still have sex with him even if I'm beat and not feeling so pretty I will. I want him to want to stick around. Let's face it there is no "us" without him.
    It sounds like your husband is trying to tell you he needs attention. I'd give him some. Because if he starts actiing out (and I've talked to plenty of women on this site who that happens to) you'll have another PLETHERA of issues to deal with on top of this new added stress of being seperated from your child. Let something else go. The housework...pick up some take out but try to focus on your husband for a 1/2 hour a day. Over dinner ask how he's feeling, how work is....you'd be amazed at what a difference that can make for a man who's having trouble adjusting and isn't sure where he fits into your priorities these days.

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Jan 2006
    Posts
    18,063

    Default Re: DH advice

    I agree with pp.. and working just leaves even less time for him!
    How does he realy feal about you working? My hubby used to get mad at me when I wouldn't sit down and watch a movie with him, I always had laundary pilled up or some other thing that I wanted to do. You know mulit task..
    He just wants to have some attention every day.
    WE have found that eating supper together helps too. If you cann't do that maybe try for lunch depending on your schudles.
    going back to work is a big adjustment for everybody! It might take a while before you get the hang of things.
    Just keep talking and working things out. And I agree with the pp when things are going well in the bedroom men or normaly happy.
    My hubby always says I'm either hungury or horny and you know how to fix both of thoose. lol

  4. #4

    Default Re: DH advice

    As hard as it is, it sounds pretty normal for new parents. Becoming a parent is hard work; adjusting to working and being a parent is even harder.

    Can you make time for him and the baby? When you sit down to nurse the baby, snuggle right up next to DH, so you can talk with him, pay attention to him, while still being able to attend to baby's needs.

    If DH wants to hold him (he misses baby during the day, too!), then you can both hold him. You feed him, then hand him off to daddy for the burp. Or, make a pallet on the floor (in front of a movie on TV?), and all three of you lay down to enjoy the movie and play with the baby.

    This adjustment takes creativity, love, and understanding on everyone's part. You will figure it out, in your own way. :-)

    Can you attend a LLL meeting? I'm sure other mothers there have experienced a similar situation, and would be happy to share what worked for them.
    Shannon
    LLL Leader

    Protect your privacy online; don't use your full name. Click My Alias at the top left corner.

    I'm horrible at html and encoding links, so I apologize in advance for all the long links!

  5. #5
    Join Date
    May 2006
    Posts
    11

    Default Re: DH advice

    Thank you for all of your suggestions. I suppose I may be neglecting him, like you mentioned. I will try to make more time for his needs, too. It seems like I'm NEVER in the mood, but you're right - I have to be sometimes. I haven't attended a LLL meeting because there really aren't any very close to me except a late night one. I should try to get to it though.

  6. #6

    Default Re: DH advice

    If nothing else, a LLL meeting will help you see that you're not alone in facing this dilemma, and will be a nice pick-me-up for you.
    Shannon
    LLL Leader

    Protect your privacy online; don't use your full name. Click My Alias at the top left corner.

    I'm horrible at html and encoding links, so I apologize in advance for all the long links!

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