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Thread: baby cries and want to be held all the time

  1. #1
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    Default baby cries and want to be held all the time

    my 7 week old DS would sleep for 5 to 15 min then he would cry to be p/u. He is not hungry, his diaper does not need to be changed, he is not hot or cold, and it isn't reflux. The minute I pick him up, he stops crying, after a few min, he falls asleep in my arm, but once I put him down, he cries again. What should I do?

  2. #2
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    Default Re: baby cries and want to be held all the time

    invest in good sling or wrap! all you can do is hold that baby!!

    My DS was that way too. It does get better!

    <<hugs>>

  3. #3
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    Default Re: baby cries and want to be held all the time

    Do you have a sling that you could wear him in? My little one was like that for the first three months of her life (and is still like that on and off at 8 months - LOL). I know it can be exhausting, but our poor little babies just want to be near their mamas! They spent the last 9 months inside our tummies, and we are all they know in this big, scary world that feels safe and comforting to them. Wearing your little one and holding them is the best thing you can do for him right now. Goodness, my little one slept ON ME for the first 4 months of her life! I couldn't even roll her off to sleep by my side without her losing it and starting to cry. It does get much better though, I promise!

    You might find these articles comforting and helpful (many tips to help you comfort your little one!):

    Fussy Baby

    Calming Your Crying Baby

    How We Respond to Baby's Cries

    It will get better ... hang in there and you are doing a wonderful job for your new precious baby mama!!

    Mama to Adeline Brett, breastfed for 4.5 years (12/14/05) and little Eliza June, new tiny sprite in my arms and still learning the ropes (7/18/10)

    Family Blog • If I'm here I'm nursing and typing one handed ... forgive the typos!
    And I'm not a newbie at all ... I'm trying to get my old user ID working from back in the day ... paint-the-moon

  4. #4
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    Default Re: baby cries and want to be held all the time

    I agree with the previous posters -- don't be afraid to hold your baby all the time if you can and if it helps.

    Sometimes, though, even the most attached and loving mommas need to put a baby down for a little bit -- to shower, at the very least! If you hold your baby for about 20 minutes after he falls asleep, then he will likely enter a deeper sleep pattern (his arms may go quite limp, as one cue). This is the best time to try putting baby GENTLY down.

    There are lots of other tips and tricks -- how to lay a baby down while he is still inside a sling, for example, or warming the bassinet before laying him down so the cold sheet doesn't startle him. Good luck!

    --Rebecca

  5. #5
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    Default Re: baby cries and want to be held all the time

    thanks for the responses. some ppl say that if you held the baby all the time or pick him/her up right away when he cried, they would get used to it. I also heard to let baby cry for a few minutes before picking them up (after making sure baby is not hungry, needing diaper changed.....) what do you think?

  6. #6
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    Default Re: baby cries and want to be held all the time

    I totally disagree. Like pp said "don't be afraid to hold your baby." A baby cannot be spoiled, so don't think that way. A sling would most likely help or even a swing or something with constant motion. My dd daughter could not fight the old mighty swing, she loved it at that age, unfortunately not anymore. But don't be afraid to try and try different methods. Your baby is getting to know you as you are getting to know him. Good Luck

  7. #7
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    Default Re: baby cries and want to be held all the time

    Quote Originally Posted by anton's mom
    thanks for the responses. some ppl say that if you held the baby all the time or pick him/her up right away when he cried, they would get used to it. I also heard to let baby cry for a few minutes before picking them up (after making sure baby is not hungry, needing diaper changed.....) what do you think?
    When your baby cries he is trying to tell you that he needs something —he may be hungry, uncomfortable, or lonely and needing to be held and touched by someone he loves, etc.. Crying is your baby's only way of communicating with you. When you consistently respond to his crying and meet his needs in a positive way, he will learn that he can trust you to be there to take care of him and provide comfort. It makes him feel bonded to you and loved, and it will make him know that he matters ... that his communication is valuable and will be responded to. Research actually shows that babies whose cries are responded to immediately cry less overall.

    Building this base of security and love now will help him become a more independent and confident toddler later on. He will *know* that you are there for him and trust you to provide safety and comfort when needed ... and therefore will feel secure in exploring his new world.

    Ignore advice from those who believe the myth that babies can be spoiled and trust your motherly instincts when your baby cries. Pick him up and comfort him, show him that he matters and that he can trust you to provide for him whatever he needs.

    I also highly recommend reading the following links, all excellent articles:
    7 Things All Parents Should Know About a Baby's Cries

    Can I Spoil My Baby?
    Will I Spoil My Baby by Holding/Nursing Him So Often?

    Mama to Adeline Brett, breastfed for 4.5 years (12/14/05) and little Eliza June, new tiny sprite in my arms and still learning the ropes (7/18/10)

    Family Blog • If I'm here I'm nursing and typing one handed ... forgive the typos!
    And I'm not a newbie at all ... I'm trying to get my old user ID working from back in the day ... paint-the-moon

  8. #8
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    Default Re: baby cries and want to be held all the time

    Quote Originally Posted by anton's mom
    thanks for the responses. some ppl say that if you held the baby all the time or pick him/her up right away when he cried, they would get used to it. I also heard to let baby cry for a few minutes before picking them up (after making sure baby is not hungry, needing diaper changed.....) what do you think?
    He will get used to it. He'll get used to having his needs met by his mother. He will learn to trust you. You need to do what you feel is right. Do you think your 5 week old is trying to manipulate you? Or acting spoiled? I think what we hear is that he's not used to being away from you. Where he was for the last nine months. So everytime you put him down he gets scared. Everytime you pick him up he feels safe and secure. 5 week olds only have one way to communicate with you-they cry. They are only going to cry at five weeks if something is wrong. If everytime yoy put him down he crys then he interpets that as WRONG. Doesn't it kill you to listen to your baby cry??? They're designed like that. It's not supposed to be easy to hear your child cry. You are supposed to instinctively try to cure what ails them. At 5 weeks a high need baby will want to be with/on his mother all the time. It's good for you to try to think of it from his point of view. He's used to being with you 24/7. SO even if you hold him 12hrs a day to him that still 50% LESS than what he was getting 5weeks ago. I would get a wrap or sling. Then your baby is getting what he needs and you aren't trapped on the couch all day. I can't imagine with the other struggles you are having that hearing him cry is going to be good for your state of mind.

  9. #9
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    Default Re: baby cries and want to be held all the time

    As for: some ppl say that if you held the baby all the time or pick him/her up right away when he cried, they would get used to it. I also heard to let baby cry for a few minutes before picking them up (after making sure baby is not hungry, needing diaper changed.....) what do you think?

    I agree with all the pps. I grew up hearing that babies should cry, that you should "condition" them to learn to soothe themselves. I also babysat a lot of kids who I let cry to sleep (boy do I feel bad about that now). Then I lived in W. Africa for four years and noticed that babies rarely bawled. That's becuase the minute they started crying someone picked them up, usually momma. Most of the time they are carried on mom's back and are happy as clams. Add breasfeeding on demand for 24+ months and you get a really happy baby. They did get used to being picked up, but what is wrong with that? I never met a spoiled or manipulative African baby or child (except among the educated elite who bought stollers from overseas!).

    Plus, to me, picking up baby and making him/her content is just SO much easier that dealing with a bawling infant. I personally think you can get a lot more done around the house and outside with baby in a carrier of some sort than with baby bawling in his/her crib.

    What you point out, though, is that there are different approaches. "Attachement Parenting" (the pick them up approach) is gaining more momentum in the US these days. You can find more on this at Dr. Sears website, www.askdrsears.com, among others. Whatever approach you choose won't change how much you love your little one, you just need to do what feels best to you (and that doesn't even mean choosing ONE single approach).

  10. #10
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    Default Re: baby cries and want to be held all the time

    Quote Originally Posted by anton's mom
    thanks for the responses. some ppl say that if you held the baby all the time or pick him/her up right away when he cried, they would get used to it. I also heard to let baby cry for a few minutes before picking them up (after making sure baby is not hungry, needing diaper changed.....) what do you think?
    Think of it this way: your baby was with you 24/7 for 9 moths. Than suddenly he is in a new and confusing world and the only thing really familiar is you. And his time close to you even if its only 12 hours a day is a drastic and potentially traumatic decline from what your LO is used to. As your baby grows and becomes more confident and trusting he will naturally start to spend more time away from you.

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