Happy Mothers Breastfed Babies
Results 1 to 7 of 7

Thread: 7+ months working/pumping/breastfeeding. But my determination is waivering.

  1. #1
    Join Date
    Apr 2009
    Posts
    23

    Default 7+ months working/pumping/breastfeeding. But my determination is waivering.


    How do you find time for yourself, and perhaps even more important, how do you find time for your spousal relationship?

    I work full-time Mon-Fri and leave for work at ~6am and get home ~4:30pm. My husband does the stay-at-home-parent thing during the week and works 10 hour shifts on Saturday/Sunday. He also works from about 5am to 8am on Mondays and Tuesdays while his sister watches our 7 month old. This schedule is great because we don't have to pay for child care and our baby is always with someone who loves him. This schedule is awful because my husband and I only see each other in the evenings and we are always tired and busy preparing for the next day. Here's the routine: I get home from work (or my husband if its the weekend), feed our son while my husband prepares dinner, we all eat together (well, at 7 months our son is just playing with food really) then one of us plays with our son while the other cleans up, packs lunch for the next day, cleans the pump and bottle parts...I feed our son again and put him to bed. At this point its usually 8pm (or later) and since I wake up before 5am all I have time to do is get ready for bed and fall asleep.

    I feel like all I do is rush around to get everything ready so that I can repeat the same rushing around the next day. I'm in a constant state of anxiety over getting everything ready 'in time'. My husband has started going out to visit friends as soon as dinner is done. I know he needs a break because he's been home all day with the baby. He's also said that there is no reason for him to stay at home because being around me stresses him out. He is very responsible and makes sure that me and our son are fed and since he no longer finds any enjoyment in MY presence, he leaves. He's been gone 4 nights in the last week.

    He urges me to go out also and enjoy myself and says that he can watch our son (and obviously he can because he does it ALL the time). However, I don't have any friends to visit. We moved back into our hometown a month before our son was born (I started a new job at 7.5 months pregnant and took 6 weeks maternity leave). The few old friends I did try to reconnect with don't have children and are just totally not on my radar anymore. I haven't exactly had free time to meet any new friends. Also I only get 3 to 4 hours in the evening to be with my child. If I WERE to go out I would have to pump and I feel like all I do anymore is pump.

    My mom urges us to go on dates (we've been on TWO since our son was born). Since one of us is always working or has to get up early for work the next morning we never really have the energy for such a thing. I also feel trapped by the neccesity to be at home in the evenings to feed our son. When we have gone on a date I've had to pump and it just totally interrupts the whole flow of the evening for us.

    Another breastfeeding/working mom I've talked to at work just started her 8 month old on formula. My initial thoughts were "You've gone so far with exclusively breastfeeding and working. Why stop now?" But now the idea is getting more tempting. I just feel so trapped by my pumping schedule and then when I am at home I can't be separated for more than a few hours from our son.

    How do you do it all?

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Mar 2009
    Posts
    184

    Default Re: 7+ months working/pumping/breastfeeding. But my determination is waivering.

    Oh Mama I know exactly how you feel! It is a constant struggle to keep breastfeeding. We are at 9 1/2 months and I have to remind myself 'only 2 1/2 months to go. You can do it.' But the happiness of the loving parents is just as important. How can a child you love so much grow up in a loving home when it is not filled with love. Children do pick up on these things no matter how hard you try to hide them. It is ok to give him formula now and again without it affecting your supply. Do you get really engorged if you go more then 2-3 hours without pumping/nursing? Is it possible for you to take a day off and have your sister-in-law watch him while you reconnect with your dh? Or maybe you could do some family outings? Even just going for a walk you can talk while your lo enjoys the new scenery. Sometimes its the little things that can make a big difference. I am always in a state of anxiety also with all the things that need to be done and getting ready for the next day. I always feel behind and will never get caught up. Sometimes we will set our little guy on the kitchen floor with a wooden spoon and a pan to play with while we get things ready and talk. Also while I am nursing my dh will sit and chat with me sometimes. We also try to eat dinner together and put our lo in the bumbo with some 'food' to play with. He has been going to bed around 8-9pm and we get up around 5-530am so even though we know we have to get up in the morning we try to make 'us' time right after he goes to bed, or nap time which is usually only 30 mins. Most of the time I very much lack the energy but I know I feel better after and really push myself. That sounds bad but its the mental part of it that holds me back. I am always stressed about what needs to be done but I have to learn to just shut it off for a bit, which is hard to do. I know this is a difficult time, but just think a few more months to go. And even if you don't go much longer it is ok. You are not a failure, you did the best thing for you and your family, look how far you've made it right now! That's awesome! What ever you decide we are here to support you
    Now if only I can listen to my own advice

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Mar 2009
    Location
    Pacific Northwest
    Posts
    56

    Default Re: 7+ months working/pumping/breastfeeding. But my determination is waivering.

    Your schedule is very similar to the one that my family had when our son was young. I worked 4 ten hour days. My husband worked my days off. I pumped at work so my child would have nothing but breast milk.

    It was hard on both my husband and me. He needed to get "out of the house". I was stress out about doing so much and keeping it together.

    I kept physically active. (I know that sound like doing more - augh!) I had a good baby jogger stoller and we were outside on my days off of work and on summer evenings. One night a week I played soccer in a league. Some of my teammatees would bring a babysitter to the game that we would all share. Soccer was the best thing since my mind did not think about anything but the game for that 90 minutes. I did not clean my house as much nor keep the lawn mowed adequately nor was my car clean.

    Friends - I hear that all the time with many moms. I was lucky to find a "play group" of moms (and dads!) in my community. That was a good support system. Think about taking a baby and me class- baby swim or exersice where you can meet other moms. Or just take any class that interests you that is active (not computer programing or self paced German).

    I would talk with your husband about it. Come up with a plan for a couple things that you can both look forward to regularly as a family.

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Feb 2009
    Location
    San Diego
    Posts
    4

    Default Re: 7+ months working/pumping/breastfeeding. But my determination is waivering.

    It is very, very hard...I give you props for sticking to it for 7months!! I know how you feel!!! I have 3 kids, 9yo, 3yo, and 7 months. and both DH and I are working full time! My 9 year old plays baseball, which means at least 2-3 practices/games a week, yes, this does include week nights! Then there's dinner, cleaning, homework, etc.. My day starts off at 5:00am, when my LO/DS wakes up, I nurse him and he will go back to sleep. I then get ready for work and wake my 9 year old/DS up to get ready. DS and I grab stuff for breakfast together and we head out the door by 6:30am, while my 3 year old/DS sleeps in till about 7:00am and leaves to school with dads on tu & thu. They leave the house around 7:30-8:00am. The good news is that my LO gets to stay at home b/c my mom comes over to our house to baby sit. Also, my DD goes to preschool 2 times a week and the remaining 3 days, she is also at home with grandma. Even though I'm not dropping my LO or DD off at school, we are still very busy. I am still EBF and I pump 3-4 times at work between 7:00am - 3:30pm. I also sometimes during driving! On the days that DD goes to school, i pick her up and then i pick up my DS from school. I get home around 4:30-5:00pm. If my DS has practice, then i would get him changed, give him a snack and then drop him off. Oh, my DS is in a before and after school program, otherwise it would be impossible to abide to his school schedule. After I drop DS off, I come home to nurse my LO. DH then gets off of work around 4:30-5:00pm to watch DS practice or play his game and then come home. While I am at home during DS's practice, I am making dinner, playing w/LO and DD, and then get them ready for bed. DH will then come home with DS around 7 and we try to eat dinner together. While dinner, I am sometimes nursing LO, he usually goes down for a quick 15-20 min nap around 7:30, this then allows me some one to one time with DD. DH then gets DD ready for bed at 7:50, they'll read 2-3 books (she won't sleep w/o reading!), and then he has to sit outside her door until she falls asleep. She is typically asleep by 8:30. During that time, I am now doing one on one time with LO, this includes nursing. My DS, in the meantime will shower on his own and is good at doing his homework. But either my DH or I will review it later. My LO will then go down at 9:00pm in his own room/crib. DH will then go downstairs to cleanup the kitchen (wash the dishes, bottles, etc) while I have about 15-20 min with DS. He then goes to bed at 9:30pm. I shower and get ready for bed by 10:00pm. However, I also work out during lunch so i'm pretty much ready for bed, plus sometimes I don't even have time to shower at night b/c I'd rather spend time with my kids and shower in the morning. DH and I typically watch a show that we've tivo'd, but I usually fall asleep by 10:30-11am. DH is a night owl and will stay up longer or he will work out for 30 minu (wii fit).... the day starts all over again at 5:00am. My mom will help sometimes with dinner but I don't expect her to b/c she is pretty busy with LO and DD during the day. weekends are really important to us since we don't have much time during the week. DH and I are lucky to work at the same company (different buildings) and we often do lunch 1-2 times a week on the days that I don't work out. DH and I have gone on maybe 2-3 dates since LO was born. We typically do family things and will stay up longer on the weekends to catch up on stuff. We also chat throughout the day via IM or text so we are pretty close. When we get home, we don't usually have time to chit-chat. DH is really supportive with BF especially since this is our last baby. There are days when I'm too exhuasted but I keep telling myself that I've already come this far and I might as well keep on trucking for another 5 months. Plus it is a really good bonding time for us, it allows me to relax from the rush of the world. I've been told that it'll get easier, but all I can see is how it will get even busier especially when DD wants to play soccer or something or when she goes to kindergarten. I do plan on BF while I'm not at work, maybe in the wee hours in the morning while everyone but the two of us is awake and in the evenings during our one to one time. I will just stop pumping during the day. Life will always be busy, it'll never slow down. I've just made certain things a priority, and if it's something that really means a lot to me, then I try to make every effort to stick to it. My message to you doesn't really help with your situation nor am I trying to give you any advice. I am simply sharing my crazy schedule and how "it just works out."... and I wouldn't have it any other way
    for 6 months!! juggling working and , enjoying

  5. #5
    Join Date
    Apr 2009
    Posts
    23

    Default Re: 7+ months working/pumping/breastfeeding. But my determination is waivering.

    Thanks for everyone's input. Some days just seem impossible to get through and I was having one of those when I posted. (Today is better though!).

    The advice to get active and get out I will try to do. My husband and I took a lot of walks together while I was pregnant and it was a great time to talk and connect with each other. I haven't thought about checking into classes to take with my baby, but maybe there is something I could do on weekends while my hubby works...I love my husband and don't ever want to call him my ex, so we need to somehow find the time to reconnect.

    It's also good to hear from other mamas who are in similar (or even busier)situations. I'm in a male dominated line of work and the only other woman near my age in the office has loudly professed NO desire to be inconvenienced by pregnancy (not being able to play raquetball, softball, bike, run, do marathons or drinking games for 9 months--NO WAY) much less children.

  6. #6
    Join Date
    Jan 2006
    Posts
    18,063

    Default Re: 7+ months working/pumping/breastfeeding. But my determination is waivering.

    I just wanted to say I'm glad today was beter.
    Sometimes it just helps to take some time for yourself everyday even if it's just 10- mins to read a book or huddle in the bathroom by yourself.
    HAving a baby is a big adjusment for everybody!
    you can do it one day at a time just like everybody else does it.

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •