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Thread: Our 1st night not nursing before bed

  1. #1
    Join Date
    Feb 2008
    Posts
    816

    Default Our 1st night not nursing before bed

    Our weaning journey has begun. I think. Tonight was the first night that I put DD to bed without nursing her (she's only gone to bed w/out it if I wasn't home). For weeks I have been asking DD if she wanted her daddy to put her to bed or half-heartedly suggesting that DH take her to bed assuming that she'd never let me put her to bed w/out milk. Both have been met with a big fat NO. I've also started shortening the bedtime session by asking DD to say "bye-bye milk, see you in the morning" which she took to pretty well. So, I'll take this as indication that I'm ready. And given that she doesn't ever ask for milk at any time other than bedtime, I figured perhaps she is ready too.

    So tonight I decided to put her to bed without nursing her. Why tonight? Because DH was working late and I figured if she started a complete screaming meltdown and I caved I wouldn't have to explain a)why DD had a meltdown and b)why I gave in to it (because I was pretty sure that I couldn't commit to it if she broke my heart. DH and I are also ready to TTC and I don't want to tandem and I also don't think I could nurse with sore nipples (they were excruciatingly sore during my pregnancy). And for the first time in 20mos she isn't teething or sick or adjusting to something new. So, I figure I better take advantage of this before the 2year molars make an appearance.

    I took her up to bed and sat in our usual chair and offered to rock her. Of course she said milk and threw her head back. I said that milk went bye-bye and she started to cry big crocodile tears. I offered to rock her and she said no. Then she said "bed" (which is the guest bed were we sometimes nurse in the middle of the night) so I took her to the bed and lay down with her. The tears stopped. I expected her to ask for milk again and for the tears to start again, but she didn't. I was shocked. It did take a total of 45mins for her to fall asleep and we did move from the bed to walking the hall and then back to the bed were she tossed and turned for quite a while before settling. But she never once asked for milk again or start crying again. Wow. I am impressed. With DD and with myself. It was far easier than I thought it would be on the first night.

    I'm curious to see what the rest of the night/morning brings and if she'll wake up at her usual 5am-ish time and ask for milk. And if she does, whether I'll nurse her our not. I can't decide whether I should just wean completely or just cut out the bedtime session only. The early a.m. session is inconsistent. Sometimes she asks. Sometimes not.

    So that's my story...if you've read it this far. You LLLadies are the only people I know who would appreciate any of this. I'm not sad...yet...I think because I'm not certain if we are done-done yet. It'll probably hit me then. And when I'm certain that we are finally done I'm going to reward myself with a nice piece of mommy jewelry to commemorate the beautiful journey this was.
    I'm Wendi.
    Mom to:
    DD1 7/28/07 for 21 mos and weaned with
    &
    DD2 12/16/09

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Mar 2008
    Posts
    2,538

    Default Re: Our 1st night not nursing before bed

    sounds perfect for both of you!!! s

    here's to a wonderfully peaceful evening
    Autumn
    Moma to *Silas* 10-30-07

  3. #3
    Join Date
    May 2006
    Posts
    20,959

    Default Re: Our 1st night not nursing before bed

    Get yourself something nice. You've earned it!!! and a because I know that the moments when you start to let go are emotional in such odd and affecting ways.
    Coolest thing my big girl said recently: "How can you tell the world is moving when you are standing on it?"
    Coolest thing my little girl sang recently: "I love dat one-two pupples!"

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Nov 2008
    Location
    Ontario, Canada
    Posts
    2,476

    Default Re: Our 1st night not nursing before bed

    Thank you for sharing this with us all. It sounds like you've done a wonderful job in order to arrive at this place.
    Mommy to our DD1 early bird (34 weeks, 2 days, 7lbs, 14oz)! Oct. 2nd, 2008 Emergency C-Section, Frank Breech, HEALTHY Girl!
    Weaned @ 17 months
    Our DD2 early bird (37 weeks, 3 days, 7lbs, 12oz) Aug. 10th, 2010 Our Successful VBAC, growing like a bad weed!
    Weaned @ 15 months
    Our DD3 early bird (37 weeks, 3 days, 7lbs, 6oz) Feb. 16th, 2012 Our 2nd VBAC and lightening speedy birth!

    Loving being a Mom of 3, 40 months apart!!
    and

  5. #5
    Join Date
    Jan 2006
    Location
    New Orleans, LA
    Posts
    5,036

    Default Re: Our 1st night not nursing before bed

    I remember the first night DD1 didn't nurse to bed. I ran into the room and cried in my DH's arms. Thinking back on it makes me sad. I think DD2 is getting closer, but don't predict her letting go anytime in the near future.

    Hugs to you, this is definitely an emotional event.
    Mother - Wife - Artist - Cook - Writer - EnvironMENTAList - Cloth Diaperer (but we are soooo done with diapers) - Organic Health Nut...I'm sure there's more.

    DD1 - 12/15/05 Breastfed for 16.5 months
    DD2 - 8/6/07 Breastfed for 3 whole years and 3 little, extra days.

  6. #6
    Join Date
    Feb 2008
    Posts
    816

    Default Re: Our 1st night not nursing before bed

    Thanks LLLadies. DD woke up at 3:45am. I let her fuss until 4am when I realized there was no way she was going back to sleep on her own. DH was of course sound asleep (he could sleep through a tornado!). Of course I tried just rubbing her belly but she wanted me to pick her up and then the tears started and then the request for milk. I took her to the guest room to lie down with her and told her that milk went bye-bye and she had a total meltdown. Clearly it is much easier to reason with her at 7pm than at 4am! So, I caved and nursed her. I figure I'll keep plugging away at not nursing to bed and I think the middle of the night/early a.m. session that is already hit and miss will probably go away naturally (she doesn't wake up in the early morning when I'm out of town). I probalby could have stuck to my guns but I want to do this gently and quite frankly at 4am I'm ill equipped to manage a screaming toddler.

    But here's the kicker. When DH and I woke up I told him that DD woke up and demanded milk. He asked if I "gave in" and I said yes. He didn't comment, but his question about giving in was enough for me to know what he's thinking/feeling. So I responded that it didn't have to be cold turkey and that I didn't see him getting up to help. He responded that he wasn't sure if I was trying to let her fuss for awhile and fall back to sleep on her own. I said, yes, I did that for 15mins, but that he obviously didn't hear her and that he doesn't need my permission to respond to our child in the middle of the night. For the first year he was a great partner in shouldering the night time parenting but not lately. And I have said to him on several occasions that he needs to be involved in the weaning process. I guess I need to be a broken record.

    So, aside from that fun conversation with DH, I think it went okay. I don't feel bad about nursing her at 4am. She CHUGGED the BM like she'd been stranded in the Sahara for weeks. Honestly I couldn't believe how much milk she was gulping. I'm going to stick to the bedtime weaning and see where it takes us.

    Oh, and if you have any recommendations for mom jewelry let me know!!
    I'm Wendi.
    Mom to:
    DD1 7/28/07 for 21 mos and weaned with
    &
    DD2 12/16/09

  7. #7
    Join Date
    Nov 2007
    Location
    SW Ohio
    Posts
    3,133

    Default Re: Our 1st night not nursing before bed

    Oh mama, my eyes welled up reading your original post, because I KNOW the emotion you must be feeling. At just over 18 months, I am headed down a similar road with my DD... we are down to just 2 nursing sessions per day, morning and bedtime. There have been a few nights when she didn't ask to nurse at bedtime, so I just went with it, but that morning session she is always very consistent about asking for. I am currently pg with #2, so I know I have very little milk left, but I suspect my DD will wean sometime during my pregnancy.

    Anyway, sorry to ramble, just wanted to say I am feeling the same emotions as you!!

    Buff
    IRL all my friends call me Buff, Wife to CB since 10/11/2003

    Mom to DD - "MJ" born 9/2007 @ 8lbs 10oz, 21.5" She's 6 years old!
    My journey nursing MJ started HERE, but we got through it and she breastfed 19.5 months, self-weaned on 5/17/09


    Mom to my current nursling, DS - "ME" born 10/2009 @ 10lbs 1oz, 22.25" He's 4 years old! And yup, he's still nursing.

    Ask me about my successful VBAC! Click here for my birth story.



  8. #8

    Default Re: Our 1st night not nursing before bed

    You are doing such a great job! I am in the same boat. My DD will be 2 on the 23rd of this month and we are down to night feedings and right before bed. On occasion she nurses during the day for comfort.

    I really like your idea of getting yourself some jewelry to reward yourself for the hard work. I may steal your idea!

  9. #9
    Join Date
    Feb 2008
    Posts
    816

    Default Re: Our 1st night not nursing before bed

    Last night was a bit of a challenge. DH was home but I volunteered to put her to bed again w/out nursing. I really want to prove that I can do it and also show DD that she can be put to sleep by me w/out BM. I think it took about 30-45mins for her to fall asleep...so not unlike the night before. And she cried a little bit but not for milk (she didn't even ask for it!!!) but just couldn't make up her mind what she wanted...rock, walk, bed, crib. I think she's so used to lying in my lap and nursing in our chair that she's not sure what she wants to be her fall asleep routine instead. So once again we bounced around between the bed and the hallway and the chair until she finally settled back on the bed and fell asleep. But, again no crying for BM so that made it easy on me.

    Smooth sailing right? Wrong. She woke up at 2:30am calling for me. DH (having gotten the message from earlier in the morning that I was not pleased that he wasn't assisting) volunteered to go to her . She cried for about 2mins yelling No Daddy! Mommy!!! And then fell asleep with him on the guest bed. At 3:00 he put her back in her crib. Nice!! Except that 10mins later she was awake again and screaming for mommy. So I responded. And of course she wanted milk so we nursed. And nursed. And nursed. And when she finally fell asleep I put her back in her crib only to have her wake up and want to nurse again in her chair. So I offered the other side (she NEVER nurses from both sides). By 3:45am I had her back asleep and back in the crib. 10mins later she's crying again. Well, fussing really. So I gave it a solid 15mins trying to see if she'd fall back to sleep on her own. No dice. She'd fuss then get quiet then fuss then get quiet. Just when I thought she was asleep she'd fuss again. So, I took her into the guest bed and she instantly fell back to sleep...no milk needed. By the time she was asleep enough to put her back in the crib it was 4:30am

    Yup, I was awake from 2:30-4:30!! And although I truly appreciate that DH took the first shift, he slept right through the rest of the drama. DDs diaper was wicked full this morning. It hasn't been like that in many, many months.

    So, coffee is my best friend today! I'm hoping that me dropping the bedtime session doesn't keep making the middle of the night progressively worse. I keep expecting that dropping the bedtime session will "encourage" her to drop the middle of the night session on her own (like how it happens when I'm out of town and she doesn't get any BM). Perhaps not?
    I'm Wendi.
    Mom to:
    DD1 7/28/07 for 21 mos and weaned with
    &
    DD2 12/16/09

  10. #10
    Join Date
    Feb 2008
    Posts
    816

    Default Re: Our 1st night not nursing before bed

    Day 3 went pretty well. DD didn't ask for milk at all at bedtime just a sippy of water. She asked to go right to the guest bed and lie down with me. It took about 30mins of her floppy all over the bed for her to start to settle down and then she asked to go to her chair. I thought, oh no, we are going to get in the chair and she's going to ask for milk. But she didn't. We rocked for less than a minute and she was asleep. Better yet, she didn't wake at 2 or 3am asking for milk. She woke at 6am. DH got her up for the day and when she saw me she did ask for milk and cling to me but when I said milk went bye-bye and offered soy milk she accepted. She was quite a bit cranky and clingy to me, but otherwise fine. And I'm surprised at how soft my breasts still are considering my last nursing session was 3:30am yesterday.
    I'm Wendi.
    Mom to:
    DD1 7/28/07 for 21 mos and weaned with
    &
    DD2 12/16/09

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