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Thread: So today was my due date...

  1. #1
    Join Date
    Jan 2008
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    Default So today was my due date...

    And Owen is 10 weeks 1 day old and has been home for 18 days. It still feels so emotional and strange to me. Part of me still wishes I was still pregnant, waddling around and wondering when I will go into labor. I think a part of me always will miss being pregnant this time, especially because not only was this pregnancy cut so short, but because I will never experience being pregnant or giving birth again, I miss it even more. Lately I’ve been feeling like I really, really, really want to have another baby, like how could this be it for me…it’s already going by too fast for me. But I want to have a normal, full-length pregnancy with the birth I envision, and maybe I’ll always want that, and I won’t be able to experience it. I don’t know. And because it’s going by fast – I can hardly believe I have a 27 month old and a 2 ½ month old – I am trying to figure out how to feel more bonded with Owen so that I don’t look back on this time and have so many regrets on how it all went. There are times when I look at him and feel so much love for him, feel so close to him, but thd majority of time I feel more mechanical with him. It’s sad to me and I wish I knew how to feel differently. Anyone have any ideas on how they bonded with their baby? It just happened for me with Emma, but it's not naturally happening as much with Owen. I think it's a combination of having our beginning so messed up (hard to start the bonding process in the NICU) and having a lack of time devoted to just paying attention to him, because of course I have Emma who is totally high maintenance. But if anyone has any advice for me, please share. For the other moms of preemies out there, did you experience any of this? Is this normal or should I be more concerned?
    Mommy to:

    Emmalynn Marie
    Born at 37 weeks on 12/22/06
    5lbs 1oz 19 1/2in

    Owen Charles
    Born at 29 wks 6 days on 01/17/09
    2lbs 14oz 15in
    In NICU for 2 months


  2. #2
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    Default Re: So today was my due date...

    Hi mama.
    I'm Hillary
    Wife to Gualberto
    Mom to Nolan
    Born at 32 weeks-3lbs/10oz
    11-25-2007
    Our precious early angel


    Remember, you are not managing an inconvenience; You are raising a human being ~ Kittie Frantz
    Unthinking respect for authority is the greatest enemy of truth ~ Albert Einstein
    First they ignore you, then they ridicule you, then they fight you, then you win ~ Mahatma Gandhi
    Looking for more information about vaccines?

  3. #3
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    Jan 2008
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    Default Re: So today was my due date...

    Quote Originally Posted by @llli*nolies.mama View Post
    Hi mama.


    Hi =) Thanks for the hugs and the suggestion to post this here. Prior to going through this experience I had no idea how hard this would be.
    Mommy to:

    Emmalynn Marie
    Born at 37 weeks on 12/22/06
    5lbs 1oz 19 1/2in

    Owen Charles
    Born at 29 wks 6 days on 01/17/09
    2lbs 14oz 15in
    In NICU for 2 months


  4. #4
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    Default Re: So today was my due date...

    I wish I had advice. All I have is .

  5. #5
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    Default Re: So today was my due date...

    It is hard, but you'll get through it. And once you do, you'll look back on it and you won't even remember these times.

    I look at pictures of us in the hospital and I think "who are those people? They aren't us...we were never there." but we were, and we got through it, and now everything is just as it should be.

    They told me at the hospital to not be surprised if we didn't hear from anyone...friends, family, etc. And I was like "No way...people will be there to support me" and truth is, there was no one. And when I talked to the counselor, she just simply said "people just don't know what to say." And it is true I think...But you've got us!

    And you will get there too. You guys (all of you) did a really incredible thing. You are such a strong mama. Owen is such a strong little man. I can't wait to see pictures as he grows!
    I'm Hillary
    Wife to Gualberto
    Mom to Nolan
    Born at 32 weeks-3lbs/10oz
    11-25-2007
    Our precious early angel


    Remember, you are not managing an inconvenience; You are raising a human being ~ Kittie Frantz
    Unthinking respect for authority is the greatest enemy of truth ~ Albert Einstein
    First they ignore you, then they ridicule you, then they fight you, then you win ~ Mahatma Gandhi
    Looking for more information about vaccines?

  6. #6

    Red face Re: So today was my due date...

    Hi,

    I am Angela, mom to Scarlett, wife to Brian.

    Scarlett was born at 29 weeks on the day. Well, that is what the doctors say. They changed my due date at one point. I am pretty confident that the first due date was more accurate, this would have put her at 30 weeks 6 days. Scarlett was premature due to IUGR as a result from preeclampsia.

    I just wanted to say thank you for your post. I have been struggling with the NICU experience and attempting to nurse, it has been rocky. Scarlett has been in the NICU for 5 weeks, they are estimating another 3. She is doing very well, just needs to gain weight and learn to eat.

    I do not have any advice for you. It felt good to hear that someone else felt that this preemie/NICU experience is unnatural! I also miss being pregnant, waddling around, finishing my pregnancy... it is an adjustment to say the least. It is nice to know that I am not alone

  7. #7

    Default Re: So today was my due date...

    Hi Angela - I'm new here too. I have 3 daughters & have been thru the whole preemie thing 2 xs now (does that make me an expert?) My 2nd dd was 29 weeks 3 days from preeclampsia. My 3rd dd was 30 weeks 5 days from preeclampsia & HELLP. I had such high hopes for that 3rd pregnancy!! I really missed those last few months of pregnancy & bonding in utero. At first, I had to choke back tears every time I saw a full bellied pregnant woman at church. I felt cheated! I found out that my husband also felt cheated (those husbands enjoy seeing their wife's belly bounce around & feeling those kicks, too!) With my 2nd dd, everyone said "Congratulations" at her birth, but it didn't feel right to me. I kept wanting to ask, congratulations for what? That wasn't really a birth and she wasn't supposed to be here yet! With the baby being so tiny & fragile, I was afraid to take care of her and that never really felt like she was mine. Everytime I saw each of my babies in NICU, I kept thinking "I'm so sorry" and felt such guilt for doing this to them (I know that's silly, but I did feel so responsible somehow). With both babies, when it was time for the baby to come home, I felt like we were adopting a baby. I really struggled with my 2nd dd because the breastfeeding relationship was so strained and we could never get it working. I finally ended up just exclusively pumping breastmilk for her and stopped trying to nurse her so I could work on building our relationship. I would get angry with her for not nursing, and I hated feeding bottles. I had to let go of that part and just love her (and sometimes it was just a choice of loving her, even if I wasn't feeling particularly lovey at that moment). Honestly though, I struggled with bonding with my 1st fullterm baby too because she seemed so needy and I was so sleep deprived - so it isn't just a preemie thing! Anyhow, the bonding thing really came from a non-emotional committment to love & parent them, to do the best I could for them, and through snuggles & naps together, & just trying to enjoy her, whatever stage of development she was at (not always easy, lol!) My 2nd dd is now 6.5yo and I marvel that she entered this world weighing 2lbs 9oz, but she has become such a beautiful, bright, & caring little girl. By the way, since lightning struck twice (preeclampsia), we've decided not to have any more children. In some ways, this makes me very sad - but I feel that it is too much of a risk for a future baby and for my own life - that was so scary!! So I guess that is the next stage that I will need to make amends with - that this 3rd baby is our last & with every stage she goes thru, it will be our last time to enjoy seeing that! I think if I am not able to get this 3rd baby to nurse, I will feel like I really missed out and may have a lot of regrets. I'm trying to do everything I can so that I don't have these regrets looking back.
    Sarah, homeschooling mom to 3 girls
    8yo fullterm & bf'd for almost 2 yrs
    6yo born @ 29 weeks, bottlefed expressed breastmilk for 9mths
    Newborn born @ 30 weeks, bottlefed expressed breastmilk & trying to bf.

  8. #8
    Join Date
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    New Zealand
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    Default Re: So today was my due date...

    Hi Angela. Sounds like your baby girl is doing well. My daughter was born at 30 weeks due to uterine issues with me, and spent 7 weeks in NICU. It is a tiring time, your life feels in limbo. I hadn't even finished work! So having a baby so early throws everything on it's head. But the hospital staff were great, and my husband was wonderful. We didn't have a great deal of support from family as they're living in another town and husbands in another country, but we just took each day as it came. Each 20gram weight gain was a great accomplishment, each 5 minute breastfeed was wonderful.

    I wanted to say, that for me, it's a journey I look back on now (my daughter is 12 months old) and wonder how we got through it, but we did, and my girl is thriving, and still breastfed, and you wouldn't know to look at her that she had such an early start. They're incredibly tough, even though they look so fragile.

    Best wishes for your baby and her growth/feeding!

  9. #9
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    Apr 2009
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    Default Re: So today was my due date...

    Though none of my children were preemies, I can relate to the experience of not having the preg/birthing/bonding experience you hope for.

    My 1st child was born with a cleft lip and palate. I knew at 20 weeks pregnant, and from then on I was informed that once he was born he would be taken to NICU. he would NOT be able to breastfeed due to the cleft in the palate. When he was born I only got to see him for 1 minute then off to NICU he went.

    With my 2nd child, I had hopes and dreams for that birth where they place the baby on your stomach right after being born, and then the baby staing with me and BFing right away. Well my 2nd child was stillborn at 38 weeks...so NONE of that happened. I gave birth to her and she was already gone. I didnt get to see her until about an hour later. It was the most horrible experience of my life...and always will be.

    My 3rd child....I had much different hopes and dreams. I just wanted her to be born alive. I didnt care if she had a cleft or not, I didnt care if she was placed on me or not. I didint care if she was in NICU for a while....as long as she was ALIVE!!!

    Why am I writing all this? becuase even though your child may have been in NICU or had issues at the start, the most important thing is LIFE itself. I had to learn that the hard way. I am not sure if anyone can get this if it didnt happen to you. Many babies go to NICU and never make it home, many never even make it to NICU. Even though it is hard, not what we want for our child...things could ALWAYS be worse. Look at the flip side of your situation and maybe you can feel a bit better about it.

    I had a hard time bonding with my 3rd child simply becuase my preg with her was ao emotionally difficult. I tried NOT to bond with her as I was afraid of losing her too. I tried NOT to feel anything. When she was born I was in shock that she was here...I stil feel guilt about getting to love and raise her but not her sister. I bonded much faster an easier with my son...but at that time I didnt know death. I am still scared for the life of my daughter, still afraid that something wil take her away. I try very hard to just live in the NOW and treasure every second that I have wirh my children.

    I hope none of you ever know the pain of losing a child, and I hope my situation has helped someone, anyone, feel a bit better about their own situations.
    Last edited by @llli*dara; July 7th, 2009 at 05:12 AM.
    Mommy of 4,
    3 who I watch over, 1 who watches over all of us

    J- 8/20/05 pumped breastmilk for 11 months due to his cleft lip and palate!

    M- 10/17/07 my precious baby lives forever in her mommys heart

    M- 3/31/09 my special gift, she helps heal her mommy and daddys heart. Nursed for 4 years and 10 days, self weaned the day her baby brother was born!

    E-, new little miracle born 4/11/13, my BIG baby! Born 8.6 at 38 weeks. At 9 weeks nearly 17lbs, at 12 weeks nearly 20lbs, at 6 months nearly 23lbs, at 8 months nearly 25lbs and all from BREASTMILK


  10. #10
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    Jan 2008
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    Default Re: So today was my due date...

    I hear everything you're saying ladies. It has helped me to talk about what's happened, and I joined a preemie online support group, called Preemie-L (http://www.preemie-l.org/) which is a nice group to belong to for support. I also have recently started seeing a social worker to sort of put a plan in action on how to work through the feelings and concerns I have with all this. I'm happy to talk with any of you ladies about this - here, on PMs or email.

    Dara - thanks for sharing your story. I'm so sorry you lost a baby like that, I can't imagine how difficult that is. And thanks for your perspective on remembering to celebrate LIFE. Very true. And I tell myself that and try to "keep things in perspective." I have talked with many moms who have had much more difficult and traumatic NICU experiences and I will always say that while what we went through has been so hard, I am grateful at the same time because I know it could have been worse. But, none-the-less, it's still like grieving a loss (not of life, but experience and the situation) and I think by sharing and finding other moms/families to talk to who "get it" is helpful.

    Mommy to:

    Emmalynn Marie
    Born at 37 weeks on 12/22/06
    5lbs 1oz 19 1/2in

    Owen Charles
    Born at 29 wks 6 days on 01/17/09
    2lbs 14oz 15in
    In NICU for 2 months


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