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Thread: DH is not being much of a DH anymore...

  1. #1
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    Default DH is not being much of a DH anymore...

    My DH has been married previously, to someone who BF her children from her previous marriage, for years. He was very embarrassed by the fact of having a BF toddler around the house. I always said that I would not BF after my 'baby' had teeth...well, my LO has 2 teeth now, and we are still BF. He has been making more and more comments of 'you need to quite BF', etc. My goal is one year, for sure...but now that LO is 10 months, I am freaking out about how fast it is approaching and meeting this deadline that he thinks I need to keep with. I do think 1 year is a good time for us though, because it has been such a struggle, i just don't like feeling the pressure of it all. Any advice on how I can help tune my DH into being okay with going longer if I want to? Or any advice on how I can do a gradual weaning process?

    Right now, the only times that I nurse are before bed and when she wakes up (which is quite frequently, I wish she would STTN better) but i think she i going through a growth spurt and/or teething. And in the morning before work. so between the hours of 8pm-5am. Other wise she has pumped bottles with part formula (my supply is too low to do straight BM )

    He just makes me so upset, saying that BF is causing her to not sleep at night, making her clingy to me, and the cause of my 'lack' of sex drive. sorry if TMI there ladies...

    Please any thoughts, advice, etc. are appreciated. I am going to post this in another forum too, in hopes of more answers!

    TIA
    for 1 year ! We are fully weaned... . We kicked deadbeat dad to curb and rocking 2010 on our own! It is what it is!

    May 16, 2008


  2. #2
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    Default Re: DH is not being much of a DH anymore...

    I'm sorry you are having (and had) a rough time of it! I still nurse my 2 yo 8+ times a day! Maybe you could tell your DH that and he would see that by comparison you're very mellow. If the issue is just that he is embarrassed, with as seldom as you're BFing, how would anybody other than you and he know that you're still nursing?

  3. #3
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    Default Re: DH is not being much of a DH anymore...

    Thank you for your support. I think a major part of it all, is that he is relating BF to lack of sex drive, and her being clingy lately. He 'wants his bed back', because most of the time, i leave her in bed with us, after she wakes up the first time of the night...I just wish he wouldn't care as much, and back off of it. This may be my only baby, so I want to make sure there are no regrets! I don't think it'd matter if we kept it a secret, i think he is using it more as an excuse than anything else. ugh.
    for 1 year ! We are fully weaned... . We kicked deadbeat dad to curb and rocking 2010 on our own! It is what it is!

    May 16, 2008


  4. #4
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    Default Re: DH is not being much of a DH anymore...

    Seriously, I have written a few posts that are almost exactly the same in nature.

    My original goal was 1 year. Then a year came and went. And every month I heard "when are you going to be done?". And when my DD would start lifting my shirt up when she wanted to nurse, family members were starting to think it was weird and making comments.

    And my DD nursed ALL NIGHT long if I let her. So STTN seemed like it was never going to happen. Didn't help that we co-slept with her. (husband didn't like it either-especially since she woke up so frequently to nurse)

    But I continued to BF anyways.

    And we just recently stopped just short of 18 months. WAY past my original goal.

    And we also quit co-sleeping with her. It was rough to get her to sleep in her crib ALL night long, but it's definitely been beneficial. And not sure if there's a corelation or not, but since she's weaned-she's been sleeping A LOT better. (almost STTN in fact)

    I too have/had no sex drive. My OB-GYN said it's due to lack of hormones from both the BFing and the Depo shot I was on. (and probably lack of sleep) I was extremely dry in that area and the lack of hormones was a big part of it. And by the end of the day, I was plain ol' tired out. Sex was DEFINITELY NOT on my mind. And my husband took it so personally when it had NOTHING to do with him. It was MY body. I just wanted to rest.

    I'm trying to do better in that area and I'm hoping that since I weaned her, she's sleeping a little better, and I stopped the Depo shot that things will improve in the bed. But it's not only the lack of desire, but it was pain too. But I'm trying to get through this "rough patch" in our relationship. It's sad how important sex is to my husband....

    So I DO feel your pain. Hang in there. Wean your baby when YOU feel it's right. Not when others tell you to!
    ~*Sherri*~
    Mommy to Allison Rae

    Born 9-18-07 @ 1:18am

    BF for 18 months! Finally weaned!


  5. #5
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    Default Re: DH is not being much of a DH anymore...

    Quote Originally Posted by @llli*caramel-allie View Post
    Seriously, I have written a few posts that are almost exactly the same in nature.

    My original goal was 1 year. Then a year came and went. And every month I heard "when are you going to be done?". And when my DD would start lifting my shirt up when she wanted to nurse, family members were starting to think it was weird and making comments.

    And my DD nursed ALL NIGHT long if I let her. So STTN seemed like it was never going to happen. Didn't help that we co-slept with her. (husband didn't like it either-especially since she woke up so frequently to nurse)

    But I continued to BF anyways.

    And we just recently stopped just short of 18 months. WAY past my original goal.

    And we also quit co-sleeping with her. It was rough to get her to sleep in her crib ALL night long, but it's definitely been beneficial. And not sure if there's a corelation or not, but since she's weaned-she's been sleeping A LOT better. (almost STTN in fact)

    I too have/had no sex drive. My OB-GYN said it's due to lack of hormones from both the BFing and the Depo shot I was on. (and probably lack of sleep) I was extremely dry in that area and the lack of hormones was a big part of it. And by the end of the day, I was plain ol' tired out. Sex was DEFINITELY NOT on my mind. And my husband took it so personally when it had NOTHING to do with him. It was MY body. I just wanted to rest.

    I'm trying to do better in that area and I'm hoping that since I weaned her, she's sleeping a little better, and I stopped the Depo shot that things will improve in the bed. But it's not only the lack of desire, but it was pain too. But I'm trying to get through this "rough patch" in our relationship. It's sad how important sex is to my husband....

    So I DO feel your pain. Hang in there. Wean your baby when YOU feel it's right. Not when others tell you to!

    Wow - we are in the same boat. I felt like you were writing this for me?! I am sorry that you went through this too. I don't understand why sex all the time is so important, either. It's almost driving me to where I hate it now, sad to say. This was NEVER an issue before. I am on Reglan to help with my milk supply, and that makes me drowsy, so it's really hard for me to do much of anything by the time i get home at night, after working all day.

    How did you deal with your family members? My mom is making comments about me quitting too.

    I have noticed the same thing - that when my LO doesn't sleep with us, she normally sleeps better. If I have her in bed, she wants to constantly nurse. She was sick recently, so i kept her in bed, but she is going back to her crib this week and going to fuss more before i run to get her. that helped her in the past. I hate to let her CIO, but i don't run the minute she wakes up either anymore.

    Thank you for posting, I really appreciate the honesty and support! I am going to make it to one year for sure, and then will probably gradually wean, and see how things go. I just wish my DH would open his ears on the great benefits to breastfeeding beyond 1. Like all of a sudden on day 366, she doesn't need me anymore...whatever. Men suck! JK!

    if any others have suggestions, please post!
    for 1 year ! We are fully weaned... . We kicked deadbeat dad to curb and rocking 2010 on our own! It is what it is!

    May 16, 2008


  6. #6
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    Default Re: DH is not being much of a DH anymore...

    Quote Originally Posted by @llli*hannahmommy View Post
    Wow - we are in the same boat. I felt like you were writing this for me?! I am sorry that you went through this too. I don't understand why sex all the time is so important, either. It's almost driving me to where I hate it now, sad to say. This was NEVER an issue before.

    How did you deal with your family members?

    I have noticed the same thing - that when my LO doesn't sleep with us, she normally sleeps better. If I have her in bed, she wants to constantly nurse. She was sick recently, so i kept her in bed, but she is going back to her crib this week and going to fuss more before i run to get her. that helped her in the past. I hate to let her CIO, but i don't run the minute she wakes up either anymore.
    JK!

    Yeah, I'm not a fan of sex right now either. And my DH acts like a total butt when he doesn't get it. So it makes me NOT want to do it even more. Ugh.

    And with the family members, I just ignored them. Most of my family members were cool with it because as she got older, she didn't nurse all that often. But when she got sleepy, she wanted to and that's when she'd try to pull up my shirt. But I suggest just ignoring or saying "I'm doing what's best for me and my child." And leave it at that.

    With the sleeping...we are able to lay her down to bed at 8pm with no problems. She actually almost dives into the crib to go to sleep. Then if/when she wakes up in the middle of the night, my DH has to go in and lay her back down. Mostly she just needs a pacifier and then she lays back down. We tried CIO but it doesn't really work too well. So my DH takes care of her waking up in the middle of the night. (at least he'll do that for me)

    Good luck!!!! Let me know if you need anything else!
    ~*Sherri*~
    Mommy to Allison Rae

    Born 9-18-07 @ 1:18am

    BF for 18 months! Finally weaned!


  7. #7
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    Default Re: DH is not being much of a DH anymore...

    Well, we had a not so great night last night, with LO going to sleep and sleeping. She actually was wailing, and wouldn't even nurse...it was awful. So she wouldn't nurse to sleep, and then didn't want to nurse when she woke up until after she calmed down...about 15 minutes later. She has NEVER cried like that before at night. At least he didn't blame it on breastfeeding. I hate to think she is just being 'spoiled', with how she was crying, but it does cross my mind. It could be ears though...although she does fine all day long?! I don't know, sounds like another post, I should do for suggestions.

    Thanks for all your suggestions and sharing your experience with me...I am going to try to talk to DH at some point when we are both in a good mood, and see what he thinks. I hope he'll be more open to it all. I need to get some facts on the benefits of bfing past one, i think that may help. i also noticed i got some other suggestions on the other post too!

    Thanks again!
    for 1 year ! We are fully weaned... . We kicked deadbeat dad to curb and rocking 2010 on our own! It is what it is!

    May 16, 2008


  8. #8
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    Default Re: DH is not being much of a DH anymore...

    Just saw your last post. Sounds like teething to me!

  9. #9
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    Default Re: DH is not being much of a DH anymore...

    You know what it was...and i feel awful...she had an allergic reaction to new diapers that i bought. she was BRIGHT RED down there. poor thing was in pain. i KNEW there was a problem, i just didn't see it, because i changed her diaper with only a nightlight on. Geesh, how could i have missed that. terrible.

    BUT - it's getting better...and on to some better news...i also posted this in the breastfeeding beyond one forum...

    THANK YOU LADIES!!! I got through to my DH!!!! I had to though. He is now on board and says to breastfeed until we are ready to stop!! I am so excited! Such a relief that I don't have this 'deadline' to meet now, it's wonderful.

    We've addressed our other issues as well, and he has come full circle!

    Thanks for helping me see how wonderful and great it is to breastfeed, and for giving me the support that i needed during my down time. I really appreciate it, I couldn't have gotten through this without all of you!

    Sorry for all the icons, i just can't show you the biggest smile i have on my face!



    for 1 year ! We are fully weaned... . We kicked deadbeat dad to curb and rocking 2010 on our own! It is what it is!

    May 16, 2008


  10. #10
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    Default Re: DH is not being much of a DH anymore...

    thats awesome
    I hope things just continue to get better from here!


    I'm Heather, SAHM to Cooper , born 1/2007
    and Bennett, our precious NICU grad born 8/2009
    and wife to Bill since 10/2003!
    We're young, but we know we can do it!
    Life with the Stevens-blog

    I'm an Ergo Baby Carrier affiliate!

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