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Thread: Do Not Want To Tandem

  1. #31
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    Aug 2006
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    Default Re: Do Not Want To Tandem

    Quote Originally Posted by @llli*mothersky View Post
    How do I prepare her? Gosh, I'm at a loss as to what to say and how to present it. How weird.
    Just talk to her, I bet she understands more than you think! I just tried to fit it into casual conversation. C was still little when O arrived, not much for conversation iykwim. It was mostly me doing the talking.
    “Only with trust, faith, and support can the woman allow the birth experience to enlighten and empower her.” - Annie Kennedy & Penny Simkin

  2. #32
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    Mar 2006
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    Default Re: Do Not Want To Tandem

    Do you have the Dr. Sears book? Its great! Just talk about it. Be up front. Talk to her like you would any other person, really. You've told her there's a baby in your tummy, right? Then tell her what that baby wll do when she gets here. She will cry. She will sleep. She will want to be held. She will need diaper chnages. Tell K she can choose to help you or not, which ever she wants. She will need to nurse a lot. You know, K can help with nursing. She can be the burper (patting gently on the back while you hold). She can sit with you and sing softly to the baby. Just tell her about the good the bad and the ugly. You'll figure it out. Just start talking.

    Erin
    Wife to a grizzly
    Mama to my little deer (12/05) my loving bear cub (9/07--), and our little tiger (3/22/10)
    Born by one c-section and 2 amazing VBACs


    Miles in 2012: 350.5/900 (Actual Miles Ran: 189)
    Miles in 2011: 708.5 (Actual Miles Ran: 509)
    Miles in 2010: 800.5 (Actual Miles Ran: 620)

    January Miles: 37.5/75
    February Miles: 59/75
    March Miles: 42.5/60
    April Miles: 64
    May Miles: 41/70
    June Miles: 59
    July Miles: 39.5

    227.5 miles on my new shoes
    338 miles on my old shoes

  3. #33
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    Default Re: Do Not Want To Tandem

    Thanks guys. We've talked about babies and what they do (I basically followed her lead when she notices a baby crying, etc.). I'll make it more L oriented.

    Erin, what's the Dr. Sears book? Is it a children's book?

    Mama to my little Diva: Miss K (7/15/06)
    And her little sister: Lulu Pie (3/21/09)

    "Don't toush da mango"
    One-handed typer Extraordinaire!
    My body creates, houses, nurtures and nourishes life. That is awesome.
    Kegel Kop says: TIGHTEN UP!

  4. #34
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    Mar 2006
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    10,440

    Default Re: Do Not Want To Tandem

    Quote Originally Posted by @llli*moose View Post
    Do you have the Dr. Sears book? Its great! Just talk about it. Be up front. Talk to her like you would any other person, really. You've told her there's a baby in your tummy, right? Then tell her what that baby wll do when she gets here. She will cry. She will sleep. She will want to be held. She will need diaper chnages. Tell K she can choose to help you or not, which ever she wants. She will need to nurse a lot. You know, K can help with nursing. She can be the burper (patting gently on the back while you hold). She can sit with you and sing softly to the baby. Just tell her about the good the bad and the ugly.
    That's pretty much how I prepared my boys. They still had trouble, and there's still trouble, but I think it's less than it could have been.

    I'd never really thought either about the negative connotation of saying "Nursing is for babies." I then would go on to ask if the baby could eat ice cream or some other favorite food, which would then make the older child laugh and smile and shake their head no, and then I would explain that babies could only eat mama milk and leave it at that. Ian never asked to nurse but asked what the baby was doing and why, Colton did want to actually nurse and asked to. I let him several times, he would nurse and laugh (bit me once) and then that was it once he got it that babies nurse. . . and how boring it is to lay there

    I've seen kid slings online, but you can make one out of a piece of cloth. Just knot it where the rings would be. I made one for Ian when Colton was born, and he would carry a bear in it
    I had once wanted to tandem, just to burn extra calories and reduce engorgement, but it was so weird nursing that great big boy that I was grateful when he decided -- on his own, after our discussions -- that that was for little babies.
    Susan
    Mama to my all-natural boys: Ian, 9-4-04, 11.5 lbs; Colton, 11-7-06, 9 lbs, in the water; Logan, 12-8-08, 9 lbs; Gavin, 1-18-11, 9 lbs; and an angel 1-15-06
    18+ months and for Gavin, born with an incomplete cleft lip and incomplete posterior cleft palate
    Sealed for time and eternity, 7-7-93
    Always babywearing, cosleeping and cloth diapering. Living with oppositional defiant disorder and ADHD. Ask me about cloth diapering and sewing your own diapers!

  5. #35
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    Jun 2007
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    Default Re: Do Not Want To Tandem


    Jenn
    Mom to - DD1 10/5/05, DS 6/27/07 & DD2 6/18/09

  6. #36
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    Jul 2007
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    Default Re: Do Not Want To Tandem

    We are having these conversations now with ds. I am 12 weeks but am not sure if ds will still be nursing then (Sept. when baby arrives) For me, I feel better knowing that I am gently preparing him for a huge transition in his life. Right now the conversations are breif and very sporadic. My intent is to ease him into it and as time passes get more specific and so forth.

    I know that it's kind of down to the wire for you and Miss K., but she is a smart cookie with an even smarter mama! Just talk to her about what life will be like. She may be just fine with it and accept that as it is what it is.
    Kelly

    Mommy to Gabriel born 12/25/06 Breastfed 12/25/06 - 12/09 and possibly here and there still
    Madelyn born 9/24/09 delivered at home and caught by my husband

    "To put the world right in order, we must first put the nation in order; to put the nation in order, we must first put the family in order; to put the family in order, we must first cultivate our personal life; we must first set our hearts right."

  7. #37
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    Default Re: Do Not Want To Tandem

    Thanks for the link Jenn. I'll see if they have it at the library.

    I've talked to her sporadically, I guess I'm feeling the crunch of what to do since it could be any day now.

    I'll take a breath and reread all your wonderful suggestions.

    Mama to my little Diva: Miss K (7/15/06)
    And her little sister: Lulu Pie (3/21/09)

    "Don't toush da mango"
    One-handed typer Extraordinaire!
    My body creates, houses, nurtures and nourishes life. That is awesome.
    Kegel Kop says: TIGHTEN UP!

  8. #38
    Join Date
    Aug 2006
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    8,018

    Default Re: Do Not Want To Tandem

    Quote Originally Posted by @llli*mothersky View Post
    How do I prepare her? Gosh, I'm at a loss as to what to say and how to present it. How weird.
    PPs gave great advice on this question. The Sears book is What Baby Needs and it is excellent. It will still be good to read after the baby is born too. The book portrays the mom as a SAHM though, just so you know, but that's to be expected coming from the Sears. I don't think they make a secret of portraying SAHMs as the ideal, similar to LLL. So you can just add in commentary to make it appropriate for your situation. But the stuff about BFing and APing is good.

    Molly

    Loving mama to JP (DS, 1/03 ~ nursed 6 mos), EL (DD1, 9/05 ~ nursed 4 yrs), EJ (DD2, 3/08 ~ nursed 3 yrs 9 mos), and
    JM (DD3, 6/12 ~ currently nursing), all born naturally
    Devoted wife to SAHD P, my hero
    A few of my favorite things that I've discovered on the forum: co-sleeping, baby-wearing, tandem nursing, baby-led solids, cloth diapering, APing, selective vaccination...the list goes on

  9. #39
    Join Date
    Mar 2006
    Posts
    8,591

    Default Re: Do Not Want To Tandem

    Heres the link to the book I was referring to, but the other looks good to: http://www.amazon.com/Baby-Way-Sears...d_bxgy_b_img_b


    Erin
    Wife to a grizzly
    Mama to my little deer (12/05) my loving bear cub (9/07--), and our little tiger (3/22/10)
    Born by one c-section and 2 amazing VBACs


    Miles in 2012: 350.5/900 (Actual Miles Ran: 189)
    Miles in 2011: 708.5 (Actual Miles Ran: 509)
    Miles in 2010: 800.5 (Actual Miles Ran: 620)

    January Miles: 37.5/75
    February Miles: 59/75
    March Miles: 42.5/60
    April Miles: 64
    May Miles: 41/70
    June Miles: 59
    July Miles: 39.5

    227.5 miles on my new shoes
    338 miles on my old shoes

  10. #40
    Join Date
    Mar 2006
    Posts
    8,591

    Default Re: Do Not Want To Tandem

    I thnk I loaned mine to Eme--if she's lurking here and can confirm, maybe she'd pay it forward. If not, I'll try and dig it up.

    Erin
    Wife to a grizzly
    Mama to my little deer (12/05) my loving bear cub (9/07--), and our little tiger (3/22/10)
    Born by one c-section and 2 amazing VBACs


    Miles in 2012: 350.5/900 (Actual Miles Ran: 189)
    Miles in 2011: 708.5 (Actual Miles Ran: 509)
    Miles in 2010: 800.5 (Actual Miles Ran: 620)

    January Miles: 37.5/75
    February Miles: 59/75
    March Miles: 42.5/60
    April Miles: 64
    May Miles: 41/70
    June Miles: 59
    July Miles: 39.5

    227.5 miles on my new shoes
    338 miles on my old shoes

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