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Thread: Do Not Want To Tandem

  1. #21
    Join Date
    Aug 2006
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    Default Re: Do Not Want To Tandem

    Quote Originally Posted by @llli*mothersky View Post
    I'm expecting the moot point because she doesn't even ask anymore - at all. But, I also want to prepare JIC kwim?
    Yep, I definitely kwym.

    Molly

    Loving mama to JP (DS, 1/03 ~ nursed 6 mos), EL (DD1, 9/05 ~ nursed 4 yrs), EJ (DD2, 3/08 ~ nursed 3 yrs 9 mos), and
    JM (DD3, 6/12 ~ currently nursing), all born naturally
    Devoted wife to SAHD P, my hero
    A few of my favorite things that I've discovered on the forum: co-sleeping, baby-wearing, tandem nursing, baby-led solids, cloth diapering, APing, selective vaccination...the list goes on

  2. #22
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    Jan 2008
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    Default Re: Do Not Want To Tandem

    Tiffony, just wanted to say that I feel the exact same way about TN...just don't feel it's for me. I have a lot more time to think about whether or not I'll let her "try" after the baby comes, but she's a lot younger and we are almost completely weaned now, so I figure she won't remember by the time the baby comes.

    I'm wondering if you've talked to Miss K now about you nursing the baby? Do you talk to her about the fact that you'll be nursing the baby and maybe talk about how she'll get to do such-and-such while the baby nurses? How does she seem to react to the idea?

    I really like the idea about having her nurse her baby dolls while you nurse. I'm planning on making DD a sling before the baby comes so she can wear her dolls around the house too We can just be a couple of AP mommies together


    Jeanne (my middle name IRL)


    Mommy to two girls (M & M), born Sept. '07 and Sept. '09

  3. #23
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    Default Re: Do Not Want To Tandem

    Quote Originally Posted by @llli*jeannie.bean View Post
    I'm wondering if you've talked to Miss K now about you nursing the baby? Do you talk to her about the fact that you'll be nursing the baby and maybe talk about how she'll get to do such-and-such while the baby nurses? How does she seem to react to the idea?

    I really like the idea about having her nurse her baby dolls while you nurse. I'm planning on making DD a sling before the baby comes so she can wear her dolls around the house too We can just be a couple of AP mommies together
    I never really talked to her about it. I feel like it's too abstract right now yk? I like the sling idea too and have been looking around for one for her.

    Mama to my little Diva: Miss K (7/15/06)
    And her little sister: Lulu Pie (3/21/09)

    "Don't toush da mango"
    One-handed typer Extraordinaire!
    My body creates, houses, nurtures and nourishes life. That is awesome.
    Kegel Kop says: TIGHTEN UP!

  4. #24
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    Aug 2006
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    Default Re: Do Not Want To Tandem

    I didn't think I would want to tandem, and though it's not "full time" C does nurse a few times a week now (well not RIGHT now because O and I have thrush). He is fine to be told no if I don't want to, and we substitute snuggles instead. No biggie. It is also totally different, it took him a while to learn to relatch and not hurt me. He never really "nurses", more like takes a quick drink and is off again.

    I talked to him a lot about mommy wearing and nursing the new baby, I think it helped prepare him. Just like I prepare him for bed time by gearing him up for it every night, I prepared him for seeing someone "take his place" by talking about O like he was already here.

    I say take each day as it comes.

    ETA: He did NOT want to nurse during the newborn stage, so I didn't have any exhaustion early on from the demands of two. I was the evil mommy that brought that THING home!!
    “Only with trust, faith, and support can the woman allow the birth experience to enlighten and empower her.” - Annie Kennedy & Penny Simkin

  5. #25
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    Feb 2008
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    Default Re: Do Not Want To Tandem

    I had no desire to tandem nurse. DS1 weaned around 19 months when I was 3 months pg. He never showed any interest in nursing until ds2 was close to a year old. I think he accepted that his baby bro needed to nurse but didn't understand why he couldn't nurse too once baby bro wasn't so much a baby anymore. I let him try it. It lasted maybe a minute, he laughed and ran off to play and never asked again.

    When ds2 was a baby, we did a lot of puppet shows while baby nursed. Ds1 enjoyed having conversations with the puppets. ds1 also performed a lot of shows for me. (he got my full attention since I was a captive audience to his singing and dancing). Ds2 liked to lay his head down on my nursing pillow (his body and legs on my legs) and nap while I nursed.

    If you keep a special water bottle and snack for yourself near your favorite nursing spot, it may be helpful to set one up for K to. Maybe let her pick out a new lunchbox or drink cup to use for her nursing snack. Or get some small bottles of water that she can get for you and she when you sit down to nurse.
    Proud mom of 2 boys, both weaned gradually and with love.


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    Murray Straus, Ph.D.

  6. #26
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    Mar 2006
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    Default Re: Do Not Want To Tandem

    First off--. Its a tough decision to make, for sure!

    If it were me, I wouldn't say, "in a minute" and then not offer--that's confusing imo. I wouldn't let her try at all if you don't want her to start up, because remember, Haylee nursed again after a 4 month hiatus (or possibly even more, I can't remember now ). Its completely plausible that K will remember--she's a smart one ya know.

    If you decide you do want to tandem after all, I would set limits right off the bat. Like its okay at naptime (which would be good because you could start off by saying the baby nurses when she wants to sleep (which hopefully is true b/c you are going to get a nice easy sleepy baby) so K only gets to nurse when K wants to sleep). If she hasn't been nursing down at night, its not likely that she will need to to go to sleep once L gets here, so you might get away with letting her nurse at bedtime and then having her go to sleep on her own. That's what Haylee does.

    I do find myselft telling Haylee that she cna't nurse as often as W because she is a big girl. I hadn't really thought of the negative connotation that could have, but now I do. But its reality. She doesn't need to nurse EVERY.SINGLE.TIME that Waylon does--even though she wants to. But will work on some other excuse. She just will NOT be distracted by much else. I wish I had taken my advice when she first started nursing again--and limited her to certain times of the day. Because its been a hard battle getting her to cut back (but I'm happy to say we have it all worked out). Well, mostly.

    Erin
    Wife to a grizzly
    Mama to my little deer (12/05) my loving bear cub (9/07--), and our little tiger (3/22/10)
    Born by one c-section and 2 amazing VBACs


    Miles in 2012: 350.5/900 (Actual Miles Ran: 189)
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  7. #27
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    Aug 2006
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    Default Re: Do Not Want To Tandem

    Agree with Erin on setting limits right away if you decide to go that route when the time comes.
    But I would also recommend talking to K about this ahead of time, regardless of whether you end up TN or not! I talked to my DD1 about the fact that DD2 would be nursing all through my pregnancy with DD2. We often talked about it when we read our Sears' books and she was as prepared mentally and emotionally as she could be for her little sister.

    Molly

    Loving mama to JP (DS, 1/03 ~ nursed 6 mos), EL (DD1, 9/05 ~ nursed 4 yrs), EJ (DD2, 3/08 ~ nursed 3 yrs 9 mos), and
    JM (DD3, 6/12 ~ currently nursing), all born naturally
    Devoted wife to SAHD P, my hero
    A few of my favorite things that I've discovered on the forum: co-sleeping, baby-wearing, tandem nursing, baby-led solids, cloth diapering, APing, selective vaccination...the list goes on

  8. #28
    Join Date
    Jan 2006
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    18,063

    Default Re: Do Not Want To Tandem

    great advice!
    My last two were 2 years appart.
    My older one asked on time after little sis was born and I said no it was just for the baby and he was fine with that.
    One day at a time thats all you can do!

  9. #29
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    Default Re: Do Not Want To Tandem

    How do I prepare her? Gosh, I'm at a loss as to what to say and how to present it. How weird.

    Mama to my little Diva: Miss K (7/15/06)
    And her little sister: Lulu Pie (3/21/09)

    "Don't toush da mango"
    One-handed typer Extraordinaire!
    My body creates, houses, nurtures and nourishes life. That is awesome.
    Kegel Kop says: TIGHTEN UP!

  10. #30
    Join Date
    Jun 2007
    Posts
    1,177

    Default Re: Do Not Want To Tandem

    Quote Originally Posted by @llli*mothersky View Post
    How do I prepare her? Gosh, I'm at a loss as to what to say and how to present it. How weird.
    Maybe start by asking her if she knows what babies eat? Then kind of follow her lead?

    Jenn
    Mom to - DD1 10/5/05, DS 6/27/07 & DD2 6/18/09

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