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Thread: lo only wants mama

  1. #1
    Join Date
    Apr 2011
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    1,293

    Default lo only wants mama

    hello

    my 9 week old needs to be held and nursed most of the day. i use a sling with him and just hold him most of the time, im still on maternity leave.

    my husband is upset because anytime he holds him for more than a few minutes, my lo starts to get upset. my dh tries to soothe him in many ways, but becomes frustrated. my solution to soothing him is just give him the breast...this always works.

    i took a shower today, 15 min, and when i came out dh was very upset and said t was a horrible feeling not being able to calm him, that the only thing lo wants is me.

    any advice? i dont even know what to say.

    thank you!

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Feb 2011
    Location
    Texas
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    375

    Default Re: lo only wants mama

    I'd try telling him not to take it personally, even though I can imagine that being hard for him. It's actually a good sign of healthy and appropriate development for the baby to become really attached to the mother. It may be cold comfort, but it's true

    Time will probably ease the situation. It might also be that your baby really DOES want and need to nurse a whole bunch. Time will ease this, too
    Elizabeth, mama to Lillian - 10/03/10


  3. #3
    Join Date
    Jul 2010
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    381

    Default Re: lo only wants mama

    1) I think this is totally normal, and 2) your dh needs time to work it out with baby. Singing, bouncing, shushing, walking, rocking, etc. He'll find something that works for them, but only if they spend time together.

    We made it a joke in our house to help him not take it personally. Also, it was always soooo much worse if DH got upset or panicky- then nobody was calming down until mama returned. So our joke helped prevent that too.

    Of course you are baby's everything at this point! But you also need to be able to shower and have other breaks.
    Mom to Taiga born 6/2010

    Pocket cloth diapers. Baby led solids. Full-time working mom. I my DH, DD, kitty Dr. Benway, and my working border collie Odin!
    BF for 1 year and she and I still love it !!!!

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Jun 2009
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    6,571

    Default Re: lo only wants mama

    It was the same with my first baby, but DH and Lilah figured out things to do together. She would always calm down if he took her outside. Bouncing and shushing worked too. But sometimes nothing did and he just had to deal with a crying baby. He took all that a lot easier the second time around.

    And it's not just because you're nursing. My nephew was formula fed and he only wanted his mama for the first several months. Every time my brother held him my brother would tense up and B would freak out. Once my brother figured out how to be with B, things got much better. And now, B is 3.5 years old and wants Daddy Daddy Daddy all the time.
    Tracie

    Mommy to
    Lilah 10/08 nursed 25 months
    Beatrix 01/11 nursed 30 months

  5. #5
    Join Date
    Apr 2011
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    1,293

    Default Re: lo only wants mama

    thank you. i tried to explain that it is mostly that i spend so much time with him. he cries with me but i think i can work with it more.

    i will suggest going outside, thats good. and making a joke of it somehow.

    I do feel that he thinks its because of the BF, but i really just think this is how our lo is.

    you have all been a great help

  6. #6
    Join Date
    Mar 2011
    Location
    Panama City, Panama
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    Default Re: lo only wants mama

    Yes, that's pretty normal. It's healthy too . DH just needs to relax and understand this will pass. Let them have alone time so they figure what they like to do together. DD also enjoyed going outside with DB and touching the leaves and flowers, that calms her down when I'm not around.

    DD still wants to be with me most of the time but she is happy with her daddy too.
    Yai

    Mamá de Aini 19-09-10 (or, for my English speaking folks: 09-19-10)

    Pregúntame sobre pañales de tela Ask me about cloth diapers!

  7. #7
    Join Date
    Apr 2011
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    69

    Default Re: lo only wants mama

    My DH and I watched Harvey Karp's Happiest Baby DVD while I was PG -- and he actually uses those techniques with our LO. It works pretty well, and DH has been recommending it to our PG friends. Well, most of the techniques. We have to do a loose swaddle with LO (or use the swaddleme blankets) -- he doesn't like having his arms restrained AT ALL.

    But, DH has also been an uncle since becoming a teen -- he's used to crying babies and understands that sometimes babies just need their mama... the crying doesn't bother him -- though he will do his best to calm LO down, of course!

    LO also likes to hold someone's hand -- that will calm him down for a bit too -- having a finger/thumb to grasp.

    One other thing we've been doing for LO -- we're not using bottles or even pacifiers right now, but DH will let LO suck on his (DH's) thumb to (a) see if LO is hungry or (b) calm LO down for a few minutes until I'm able to nurse.
    Last edited by @llli*chatton; May 4th, 2011 at 08:27 AM. Reason: added detail about swaddling.

  8. #8
    Join Date
    Mar 2011
    Posts
    51

    Default Re: lo only wants mama

    Hello,

    I agree with PP but would like to add that something you (or he) can do is to make him be more involved in baby care. have Him change diapers, give baths, do skit-to-skin contact, take over sometimes. I had that worry at first, so since birth, I have encouraged my husband to be totally hands on. This is normal, and it shall pass, but I understand how your hubby feels. Tell him to try to not get upset. Babies are very receptive and your LO will feel his anxiety and get anxious too.

    Don't worry, it will work out

    L
    First time mom to Little Luisa.

  9. #9
    Join Date
    Apr 2011
    Posts
    69

    Default Re: lo only wants mama

    Another idea... what about having DH hold your LO *after* you nurse (i.e. to burp him)? Mine is usually pretty contented after he finishes nursing, so pretty much anyone can hold him (if they don't mind the occasional spit up!)... and get some "happy baby" time.

    It might help balance out the other times your DH has to hold "fussy baby"


  10. #10
    Join Date
    Nov 2010
    Posts
    85

    Default Re: lo only wants mama

    This all sounds totally normal. Dh and I went through the same thing with DD until she was about 6 months. It can be hard for hubbies who want to be more involved but feel left out when baby is totally dependent on Mom. I spent a lot of time reassuring my DH that, although DD wanted me all the time, he was still a crucial part of things just by supporting me (ie. bringing me water and snacks when I was chained to the recliner nursing, rubbing my back, holding baby and rocking baby to sleep after her middle of the night feedings, etc.) After about 6 months, DD started to warm up to her daddy more and more. Now that she's 8 months, he's all she wants as soon as he walks in the door at the end of the day.

    I can assure you, it will get better for both you and DH
    Married my best friend 07/19/2008
    Proud mama to Harper Anne born 09/10/2010
    and every moment of motherhood

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