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Thread: Toddler Aversion

  1. #1

    Default Toddler Aversion

    Hi, i wonder if anyone else out there has felt like this...

    I have 2 DDs 25 months and 9 months. DD1 never stopped BF throughout my pregnancy though did cut down a lot. After DD2 arrived DD1 thought it was brilliant as there was milk everywhere - I mean everywhere - and started nursing many times a day (though she has been night weened since about 12 months)

    This has been fine and we have settled into a her feeding first and last thing and sometimes in the day if she is particularly grumpy, tired or had a big fall.

    This has been working OK but in the last few weeks I have been having more and more feelings of aversion when she latches on. I had this before when i was pregnant but I knew that there was an end to this and many hormones to blame. What do I do now - I don't want to be the one to force weaning for her and trust me she does NOT want to stop mummy milkie. It is particularly bad when I'm tired.

    Any suggestions very gratefully received or just someone to tell me I'm not alone or horrible for feeling like this. It upsets me so much to get so upset in myself I have to stop her before she's ready as I can feel the rage growing inside me and I want to put her out the window (written down this looks scary and I want to say I never never would, more likely just collapse in a blubbering heap)

    I don't feel like this at all when DD2 feeds (good thing really as she feeds to sleep) and other times it feels as great as it has for the last 2 years being able to connect and have such a loving time with both my girls.

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Nov 2006
    Durham, NC

    Default Re: Toddler Aversion

    I feel like this and I don't even have 2 yet. DS2 is coming at the end of May.
    DS1 is 2.5. Apparently I still have milk which is ok but I am starting to get sick of it. Probably after DS2 comes, DS1 will be like your DD1. So.... while I don't have advice on how to overcome this I'll be checking the post to see what tips others may have.

    You might also want to post in tandem nursing section of the forums as well.

    Good luck.

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Nov 2008
    Harrison Township, MI

    Default Re: Toddler Aversion

    I start getting annoyed when my 20 m.o. dd asks again and again to nurse (I'm pregnant). I really don't know how to help you "deal," but I can tell you you are definitely not alone. It's scary when you feel so angry at your child that you love so much! I guess you could try meditative breathing or reading while you nurse to keep your mind off the negative feelings. That has helped me.
    Good luck to you!
    SAHM to Mary who has been since she was born on 06-08-2007.

    Married to Jim since 07-30-2005

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Mar 2007

    Default Re: Toddler Aversion

    i think it's quite normal to feel like this when nursing during pregnancy or tandem nursing. It happens to me as well, especially when I'm tired or when dd2 needs my attention and dd1 is nursing.
    When I know I am not up to it and dd1 really needs to nurse, I sit at the computer or with a book to help me get my mind distracted with something else other than the nursing. I also set limits and end a session before I get upset about it, I tell her I'll count to to ten and then we are done, or I ask her if she wants a snack or wants to play a game or do a puzzle or whatever.
    It is OK to look at how you feel and adjust the nursing relationship so that both of you feel fine about it, you do an effort by being extra patient and your child does an effort by accepting some limits.

  5. #5
    Join Date
    Dec 2008

    Default Re: Toddler Aversion

    You are definitely not alone. It sure is different to look at a toddler nursing in your arms with her big head as compared to the baby. Some tandem nursing mothers say that the baby still seems like a baby and the older child just begins to seem too big.

    Feeling all touched out is very real with one child, and can also be the case with two. Other posters have had some good ideas for relaxation. If you're feeling as if you just can't take it, it's also appropriate to try some distraction techniques on your toddler to guide her toward something other than nursing sometimes.

    I agree with also posting on the tandem forum. You may get some additional ideas there.

    Hugs as you get through this!

  6. #6

    Default Re: Toddler Aversion

    I have been considering my problem more and more and though distraction is working OK sometimes, it's not practical for me to read my own book - the little one wants to grab it and read it.

    I think that mostly it is her technique when she's trying to get let down, she sucks very fast and hard despite me asking her to be gently she just can't do it. Once the milk is coming it is much better but because I'm so adjitated it can be some time before it gets going. So .... despite them poking each other in the eyes it can be better to feed both together as the let down comes much quicker for the little one.

    Oh, though I love the fact that I do this for my daughter I do wish she'd want to stop.

  7. #7
    Join Date
    Dec 2006

    Default Re: Toddler Aversion

    I'm dealing with this as well, but my dd#2 is only 3 weeks old! My dd#1 had almost weaned during pregnancy, then picked back up towards the end and has continued and now we are tandem nursing. I dealt with the aversion while pregnant since I knew it was hormonal, now it's more difficult to deal with. Currently she's sick and so I'm much more understanding and willing, but when she's not sick and she's throwing a tantrum to get her yum yums it's all I can do not to pull my hair out!

    I've found that allowing her, but singing a song (like abc's) and then she's done has helped, since for her it's more comfort than nurishment at this point. I'd love for her to be done by her 3rd birthday, which is only 4 months away, but not sure that's going to happen.

    to you!
    Cloth Diapering & Family, SAHMomma to Joel (5/04) and & to Hannah (6/06) and devoted wife to Joel

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