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Thread: DH is imposing a deadline

  1. #21
    Join Date
    Apr 2008
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    Default Re: DH is imposing a deadline

    omg, I don't even know you or your dh but this is just making my blood boil. Where does he get off "letting" you do anything?? You're not "his" to "let" You're not asking to use his truck - heck you're not "asking" him anything. You're nursing your child. You're providing the absolute best for your child. ugh.

    My response would be "you don't get a vote". End of discussion. And I know that might not sound fair, but that's exactly how I feel right now. Perhaps I might have better advice in a while.

    gosh, he's only 8 months old - still so tiny. Even at 10 months old, they are eating so little solid food that rice milk would have a negative impact.

    Tell your dh that an allergist should give allergy advice and a peditirician should give infant health advice, and a Lactation consultant should give breastfeeding advice.

    ETA: I don't mean to sound harsh I think I should have waited before I posted
    ~Jenn~


    mother of 2 boys!
    08/14/98~~03/20/08

    Birth: 7lbs 12oz, 1 year: 22lbs 11oz
    until he self-weaned 4 days before his third birthday ... still on occasion ... and happily

    ************************************************** ************************************************** *****************
    People need to understand that when they're deciding between breastmilk and formula, they're not deciding between Coke and Pepsi.... They're choosing between a live, pure substance and a dead substance made with the cheapest oils available. ~Chele Marmet

  2. #22
    Join Date
    Oct 2006
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    4,836

    Default Re: DH is imposing a deadline

    Quote Originally Posted by @llli*mamatofaith View Post
    So I asked him why he doesn't want me nursing once DS turns 1 and he said that he thinks it's weird. He thinks that he'll be too old for it and people will think it's gross. I didn't respond to him, I just asked and told him that I wouldn't argue with his reasons. I just wanted to know why he felt that way. So that's his official answer.

    I'm just going to keep up with it and deal with it as he brings it up. If I stop nursing only because DH wants me to, I'm going to be resentful. And I'm going to feel awful feeding him rice milk knowing that I could be doing so much better for him.
    Good for you I think you handled it well. Starting an argument about it is only going to make him dig his heels in more.

  3. #23
    Join Date
    May 2006
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    19,889

    Default Re: DH is imposing a deadline

    Quote Originally Posted by @llli*mamatofaith View Post
    So I asked him why he doesn't want me nursing once DS turns 1 and he said that he thinks it's weird. He thinks that he'll be too old for it and people will think it's gross.
    Why does he care what people think? When it comes to raising your child, the only opinions that really matter are yours and his.
    Coolest thing my big girl said recently: "How can you tell the world is moving when you are standing on it?"
    Coolest thing my little girl sang recently: "I love dat one-two pupples!"

  4. #24
    Join Date
    Jan 2009
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    5,883

    Default Re: DH is imposing a deadline

    Quote Originally Posted by @llli*mommal View Post
    Why does he care what people think? When it comes to raising your child, the only opinions that really matter are yours and his.
    agree. Pretty lame answer but at least he was honest. You aren't going to get by this one without more discussion at a year. I would tell him he can explain to people that DS is severely allergic and it's recommended by the WHO if he really thinks there should be an explanation.

    As a side note, between 8 months and two years you will have a lot of older baby distractions. It will be a lot of pressure from DH and MiL to quit because DS isn't interested (to them cuz he won't be able to run around with a ta-ta dangling from his mouth).

  5. #25
    Join Date
    Feb 2007
    Location
    Sunny Arizona
    Posts
    3,171

    Default Re: DH is imposing a deadline

    IMO you handled it well. Now you know where he is coming from and that gives you the power to reassure him. If it becomes an issue again you can tell him that nobody needs to know DS is still nursing, it's not like you'll announce it on the 6oclock news. I agree to just leave it alone for now. Good luck with it in the future.

    Amy married to my bestfriend since 10/30/04

    Proud SAHM to DS born 2/17/07 and DD born 9/11/08 Both weaned together 11/2011
    Currently milk, peach, peanut and tree nut free. DD has outgrown her wheat, cheese, egg, garlic, and citrus allergies

  6. #26
    Join Date
    Oct 2008
    Posts
    32

    Default Re: DH is imposing a deadline

    Hi, that sounds pretty rough. I was wondering if maybe having some other breastfeeding women come and visit might help - make it all seem more normal???

    Good luck.

  7. #27
    Join Date
    Dec 2008
    Location
    Michigan
    Posts
    72

    Default Re: DH is imposing a deadline

    I'm so sorry you're going through this. You must feel pretty conflicted doing what you know is best for your son, yet having someone you also love (DH) not want you to continue.

    I wish there were one good answer that would automatically help you, but since there is not, here are some random ideas from my head:
    • Since you said he doesn't do the reading or research, do it for him. Narrow it down to just a couple main points.
    • Pass the buck--in a good way. Tell him that "So-and-So" says you should keep breastfeeding past a year. You could say it's the World Health Organization, Dr. Sears (read some info about allergies on his web site maybe so you can say it's his idea?), Dr. Jack Newman (read his fact sheets on his web site), or any other pro-breastfeeding doctor.
    • It's nice that you have started a dialogue with him about this by asking why he thinks what he does. It might have been hard for him to admit he just thinks it's weird. Maybe you can find ways to continue the dialogue in a positive way.
    • He mentioned he thinks it could be weird, and by the way you worded that, I wonder if he is very worried about what other people would think. If it comes to the point that you need to compromise, maybe you could propose the idea that you still breastfeed, but you don't do it in public (assuming you can find a place to be at all times rather than making your baby wait).
    • Does he know other women who breastfeed toddlers? If not, is there a place he could meet some so he could see it's normal? Do you attend a LLL Group, and if so, does the Group ever have meetings that include fathers or a family picnic?
    • What about breastfeeding until a year as he agreed to so far, then telling him that weaning needs to be a gradual, gentle process. That could give you more time.
    • You might consider agreeing that you will nurse to a year, then discuss it again then. Maybe by then his mind will have opened up a bit to new ideas.
    Sue
    LLL Leader

  8. #28
    Join Date
    Oct 2006
    Posts
    4,836

    Default Re: DH is imposing a deadline

    Maybe even nurse until a year and then pump and feed a bottle/sippy? Obviously as a last resort. At least then he will still get the nutrients and the immunity, but then he will still miss out on the comfort. Just a thought... Might be a suitable compromise.

  9. #29
    Join Date
    Jan 2006
    Posts
    18,063

    Default Re: DH is imposing a deadline

    what a great idea shannon....


    I'm not sure what I would do, I think there must be other issuses going on also for op's hubby to be so addiment about weaning.


    does he have allergies? You would think that he would want to aviod them if possiable for his baby?

  10. #30
    Join Date
    Dec 2007
    Posts
    92

    Default Re: DH is imposing a deadline

    Quote Originally Posted by @llli*mamatofaith View Post
    I'm just going to keep up with it and deal with it as he brings it up. If I stop nursing only because DH wants me to, I'm going to be resentful. And I'm going to feel awful feeding him rice milk knowing that I could be doing so much better for him.
    Remember that you, as a parent, are responsible for your child's well-being, nutrition, and emotional health. If you don't stand up for your son, who will?

    BFing, as you probably know, is best for children with allergies - he will likely outgrow them sooner. Maybe that's another research point for you to share?

    Ask your husband if he will switch to rice milk with your son. I bet he wouldn't. :P

    Best wishes, mama! I hope you stay strong and are able to do what's best for your family - a delicate balance, I know.
    DS 11/16/07 :: Infant reflux and milk protein intolerance, egg and peanut allergies

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