Happy Mothers Breastfed Babies
Page 3 of 4 FirstFirst 1234 LastLast
Results 21 to 30 of 35

Thread: DH is imposing a deadline

  1. #21
    Join Date
    Oct 2006
    Posts
    4,836

    Default Re: DH is imposing a deadline

    Quote Originally Posted by @llli*mamatofaith View Post
    So I asked him why he doesn't want me nursing once DS turns 1 and he said that he thinks it's weird. He thinks that he'll be too old for it and people will think it's gross. I didn't respond to him, I just asked and told him that I wouldn't argue with his reasons. I just wanted to know why he felt that way. So that's his official answer.

    I'm just going to keep up with it and deal with it as he brings it up. If I stop nursing only because DH wants me to, I'm going to be resentful. And I'm going to feel awful feeding him rice milk knowing that I could be doing so much better for him.
    Good for you I think you handled it well. Starting an argument about it is only going to make him dig his heels in more.

  2. #22
    Join Date
    May 2006
    Posts
    20,631

    Default Re: DH is imposing a deadline

    Quote Originally Posted by @llli*mamatofaith View Post
    So I asked him why he doesn't want me nursing once DS turns 1 and he said that he thinks it's weird. He thinks that he'll be too old for it and people will think it's gross.
    Why does he care what people think? When it comes to raising your child, the only opinions that really matter are yours and his.
    Coolest thing my big girl said recently: "How can you tell the world is moving when you are standing on it?"
    Coolest thing my little girl sang recently: "I love dat one-two pupples!"

  3. #23
    Join Date
    Feb 2007
    Location
    Sunny Arizona
    Posts
    3,171

    Default Re: DH is imposing a deadline

    IMO you handled it well. Now you know where he is coming from and that gives you the power to reassure him. If it becomes an issue again you can tell him that nobody needs to know DS is still nursing, it's not like you'll announce it on the 6oclock news. I agree to just leave it alone for now. Good luck with it in the future.

    Amy married to my bestfriend since 10/30/04

    Proud SAHM to DS born 2/17/07 and DD born 9/11/08 Both weaned together 11/2011
    Currently milk, peach, peanut and tree nut free. DD has outgrown her wheat, cheese, egg, garlic, and citrus allergies

  4. #24
    Join Date
    Oct 2008
    Posts
    32

    Default Re: DH is imposing a deadline

    Hi, that sounds pretty rough. I was wondering if maybe having some other breastfeeding women come and visit might help - make it all seem more normal???

    Good luck.

  5. #25
    Join Date
    Dec 2008
    Location
    Michigan
    Posts
    72

    Default Re: DH is imposing a deadline

    I'm so sorry you're going through this. You must feel pretty conflicted doing what you know is best for your son, yet having someone you also love (DH) not want you to continue.

    I wish there were one good answer that would automatically help you, but since there is not, here are some random ideas from my head:
    • Since you said he doesn't do the reading or research, do it for him. Narrow it down to just a couple main points.
    • Pass the buck--in a good way. Tell him that "So-and-So" says you should keep breastfeeding past a year. You could say it's the World Health Organization, Dr. Sears (read some info about allergies on his web site maybe so you can say it's his idea?), Dr. Jack Newman (read his fact sheets on his web site), or any other pro-breastfeeding doctor.
    • It's nice that you have started a dialogue with him about this by asking why he thinks what he does. It might have been hard for him to admit he just thinks it's weird. Maybe you can find ways to continue the dialogue in a positive way.
    • He mentioned he thinks it could be weird, and by the way you worded that, I wonder if he is very worried about what other people would think. If it comes to the point that you need to compromise, maybe you could propose the idea that you still breastfeed, but you don't do it in public (assuming you can find a place to be at all times rather than making your baby wait).
    • Does he know other women who breastfeed toddlers? If not, is there a place he could meet some so he could see it's normal? Do you attend a LLL Group, and if so, does the Group ever have meetings that include fathers or a family picnic?
    • What about breastfeeding until a year as he agreed to so far, then telling him that weaning needs to be a gradual, gentle process. That could give you more time.
    • You might consider agreeing that you will nurse to a year, then discuss it again then. Maybe by then his mind will have opened up a bit to new ideas.
    Sue
    LLL Leader

  6. #26
    Join Date
    Oct 2006
    Posts
    4,836

    Default Re: DH is imposing a deadline

    Maybe even nurse until a year and then pump and feed a bottle/sippy? Obviously as a last resort. At least then he will still get the nutrients and the immunity, but then he will still miss out on the comfort. Just a thought... Might be a suitable compromise.

  7. #27
    Join Date
    Jan 2006
    Posts
    18,063

    Default Re: DH is imposing a deadline

    what a great idea shannon....


    I'm not sure what I would do, I think there must be other issuses going on also for op's hubby to be so addiment about weaning.


    does he have allergies? You would think that he would want to aviod them if possiable for his baby?

  8. #28
    Join Date
    Dec 2007
    Posts
    92

    Default Re: DH is imposing a deadline

    Quote Originally Posted by @llli*mamatofaith View Post
    I'm just going to keep up with it and deal with it as he brings it up. If I stop nursing only because DH wants me to, I'm going to be resentful. And I'm going to feel awful feeding him rice milk knowing that I could be doing so much better for him.
    Remember that you, as a parent, are responsible for your child's well-being, nutrition, and emotional health. If you don't stand up for your son, who will?

    BFing, as you probably know, is best for children with allergies - he will likely outgrow them sooner. Maybe that's another research point for you to share?

    Ask your husband if he will switch to rice milk with your son. I bet he wouldn't. :P

    Best wishes, mama! I hope you stay strong and are able to do what's best for your family - a delicate balance, I know.
    DS 11/16/07 :: Infant reflux and milk protein intolerance, egg and peanut allergies

  9. #29
    Join Date
    Nov 2008
    Location
    Ontario, Canada
    Posts
    2,476

    Default Re: DH is imposing a deadline

    Quote Originally Posted by @llli*sch.mommy View Post
    Tell your dh that an allergist should give allergy advice and a peditirician should give infant health advice, and a Lactation consultant should give breastfeeding advice.
    This is what I was thinking. This allergist is an allergist and I would seriously question her knowledge of infant nutrition. This isn't her area of expertise. So I would take it back to a pediatrician (a BF friendly one) and have them debunk this horrible advice.

    I don't want to pry and please feel free to tell me that it's none of my business.... But is DH uncomfortable with your breasts now in the bedroom now that you're BFing? I mentioned this thread to DH and he said it sounded to him as though your DH was just looking for any excuse to get you to stop due to his own feelings - but the one he gave didn't sound right to him. He thought it sounded as if it were more "personal" than that.

    DH and I have had some hurdles to get over in this area. The conversation wasn't easy to start or to have, but we did it. We've talked it through and are doing well now.

    Lastly, I think one of the PP had a good point when she said that she told her DH that he'd have to take over all feedings. My DH has said that he appreciates how much work I do when it comes to BFing, but also knows that it would be a lot MORE work to formula feed. Nevermind the cost!

    Oh - and for your MIL? Your DH has obviously talked to her so she's just enforcing your DH's wishes in her own wonderful way. I highly doubt that you'll be able to change her mind until you change DH's.

    You can do it Mama - you've got time to do it right.
    Mommy to our DD1 early bird (34 weeks, 2 days, 7lbs, 14oz)! Oct. 2nd, 2008 Emergency C-Section, Frank Breech, HEALTHY Girl!
    Weaned @ 17 months
    Our DD2 early bird (37 weeks, 3 days, 7lbs, 12oz) Aug. 10th, 2010 Our Successful VBAC, growing like a bad weed!
    Weaned @ 15 months
    Our DD3 early bird (37 weeks, 3 days, 7lbs, 6oz) Feb. 16th, 2012 Our 2nd VBAC and lightening speedy birth!

    Loving being a Mom of 3, 40 months apart!!
    and

  10. #30
    Join Date
    Dec 2008
    Location
    Victoria, BC, Canada
    Posts
    940

    Default Re: DH is imposing a deadline

    I'm steaming mad over your dh's attitude. Your baby's health now and in the future is far more important than your dh's feelings. Really bad things could happen if you give your LO rice milk at 10 months. Not to mention the food allergy issues and that rice milk is not suitable for babies, but w/o breastmilk your child is at higher risk for type 1 diabetes, multiple sclerosis, chrohn's disease, childhood cancers etc etc. I hate that he has given you a 'deadine' which is against your child's best interests. Women haven't been their husband's properties for quite some time.

    I think pp gave a great suggestion which is to consult other lactation consultants, pediatricians etc. and get their opinion. At least then you'll have a team of people to stand behind you. Please tell your dh that the World Health Organization recommends breastfeeding for a minimum of 2 years. Too bad if he finds it weird.
    Last edited by @llli*monika.h; February 22nd, 2009 at 03:10 AM.
    Canadian mom and breastmilk fan.
    We have 2 beautiful children: Luana who's 9 y/o, had breastmilk for 2 years and is smart as a whip. Lucas who came out kickin', is 4 y/o and continues to enjoy his milkies.

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •