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Thread: DH is imposing a deadline

  1. #11
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    Default Re: DH is imposing a deadline

    Quote Originally Posted by @llli*mamatofaith View Post
    DH and I fought every day because he (and everyone else) wanted me to give him formula. I just couldn't do it! And it's a good thing I didn't, because his milk allergy is really severe and he could have had an anaphylactic reaction.
    For following your mama bear instincts.

    Quote Originally Posted by @llli*mamatofaith View Post
    When she babysits, she doesn't give him all the bottles I send, but she gives him tons of cereal. When I pick him up, she'll say, "he only took 1 bottle today - how much longer are you going to nurse? It doesn't seem that he wants it."
    How would she know? If your LO is hungry and she gives him what she wants instead of what you send, that's a huge problem.

    Quote Originally Posted by @llli*mamatofaith View Post
    I think she means well.
    I'm sorry but anyone who does not do what you want for your child when you specify it DOES NOT mean well. Think of it this way. If you were paying her, would you accept this level of care? Would you write it off as her "meaning well"? If you have MY child's best interest at heart, then you do WHAT I ask you to do for him to fulfill his needs. Period.

    Mama to my little Diva: Miss K (7/15/06)
    And her little sister: Lulu Pie (3/21/09)

    "Don't toush da mango"
    One-handed typer Extraordinaire!
    My body creates, houses, nurtures and nourishes life. That is awesome.
    Kegel Kop says: TIGHTEN UP!

  2. #12
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    Oct 2006
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    Default Re: DH is imposing a deadline

    Okay, so this is my advice.
    Find a nutritionist that deals with infants and toddlers and that is knowledgeable on breast feeding (screen them before you bring the dh) Babies NEED to have about 40 grams of fat per day for brain development at that age. That is almost impossible to do at the 12 month mark since most babies are still dabbling in solid foods. Rice milk does not provide fat or enough protein. Not to mention bf babies are smarter. So, tell your dh that maybe that will get him some scholarships. Rice milk is just not going to cut it. If your lo is allergic to soy, then you will have to do neocate or something similar, which is EXTREMELY expensive. So, do your research, find out how many fat grams is in breastmilk, rice milk (which is not enough) and neocate. Maybe that will help if he sees it will cost literally hundreds of dollars a month.

    Also, maybe just tell him that your ds needs to nurse until you can be certain that he is getting the proper nutrition through his foods. FWIW, my ds weaned between 21 and 22 months, and he has never drank cow's milk or soy milk (or rice milk) for nutrition. However, he was eating enough fats. I think 18 months may be a more realistic goal for weaning in order to get his dietary needs met through food.

    I personally wouldn't proclaim "I am nursing him until he is 2". That's a long way away and to your dh, right now, it probably seems like at age 2 is forever. Time goes by quickly.

    I think it is very admirable that you are fighting for your son on this one.

    FWIW, my inlaws were the same. my sil bf her first two for 3-5 months, which was an 'admirable sacrifice'. She nursed her third, who had allergies, until he was 10 months, which you would have thought, according to her, would have won her the nobel peace prize. My mil thought she was nuts to do such a thing. In fact, my inlaws were just here at Christmas, and mil announced that 'they' now recommend only nursing for 3 months, after that, it's not good for the baby. I won't get into all the dirty details, but in summary, she didn't speak to me or look at me for at least an hour after my tangent

  3. #13
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    Apr 2007
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    Default Re: DH is imposing a deadline

    Quote Originally Posted by @llli*amy.marie View Post
    I really don't understand how he thinks he is going to make you stop? Is he going to tear your DS out of your arms when you start nursing? Slap you in an iron bra when you're sleeping? He can say what he wants until he's blue in the face but he can't really do anything to make you quit except make your life more difficult.
    This is what it kind of comes down to I think. DH was comfortable with 2, nursing after that has been a challenge for him to deal with. Guess what? He's dealing with it. I really think he fears that LO will nurse till he's a teenager . Heck, maybe he will , but I'm not looking any further than where we are.
    I tend to be pretty easy going, and just go with the flow. This is one of those things where I will not back down. Once DH finally got that, he's backed off.
    He likes to give me hell about it every once in awhile, he gets the eye and we leave it at that.
    Stick around here, we'll help ya with the eye part!!

  4. #14
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    Jan 2009
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    Default Re: DH is imposing a deadline

    Would DS even drink much rice milk after BM? I mean yuck! LOL

    You need a different allergist ASAP! Have you tried doing some reasearch online but respected doctors/institutions and printing the info for DH and your MIL? The AAP recommends BF for AT LEAST a year and for as long after as is desirable. WHO recommends AT LEAST two years and in the case of severe allergies, the benefits of BF are vital. Not to mention all the health benefits to you!

    http://www.kellymom.com/bf/bfextended/ebf-benefits.html

    I don't know what I would do if DH weren't on board with me on BF. This is my second marriage and my ex was all on board with my convictions because I was doing all the work and it made him look good (LOL)...ok well he was BF for a while so I guess he thought it was good. I went into this marriage with clear intentions with a goal to BF for at least two years if we had a baby (and we did). Even so, we were challenged with weight gain issues and a dip in supply and doctors were pushing for bottlefeeding (grrr). He has just tried to be supportive. I don't know how it would be if it had been an evolution in my feelings about BF.

    Could it be that DH is feeling jealous that he doesn't have the same to offer or that he is resentful that he doesn't have you all to himself? He may just feel like he wants more control. I would be willing to bet that he feels it is too sexual, may be worth having a conversation about the reason women have breasts...I wish I had good advice. In your shoes I would try to tell him that you understand that he is listening to this doctor, but evidence suggests you should continue and show it and try to be civil, and if that doesn't work I would tell him to stuff it and how dare you try and dictate an end to something that is agreeable and beneficial to both you and DS. I don't know his personality; that may be the wrong approach, but we live in a society where men can no longer just pass down edicts and expect women to just obey. He has to expect that you may come back with the same force when LOADS of evidence supports you; all he has is his mother and a doctor.

    Hmmm, on the milk at MIL's...pretty subversive. I would tell her he knows where the good stuff comes from and try to limit how much cereal you send (which obviously won't work if she buys some). But at least it isn't every day. Grrr to the MILs that seem jealous of mama.

    I am interested to see how this works out for you. Sending you good vibes!

  5. #15
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    Default Re: DH is imposing a deadline

    This makes me so mad! You are not a child and therefore DH doesn't get to mandate what you do, simple as that. However I do understand that LO is the child of both of you, but I know this may not be politically correct to say, but we've always had a subtle understanding that in the end my ideas/wants were the tie breaker when DS was a baby or when it involves my body, How does it even effect him?

    I have to tell you that this issue would be a deal breaker for me, I am not willing to compromise the health or safety of my child for the whims of my husband or MIL! Especially since as you say your DH doesn't do any research on the subject.

    I would also say please get a second opinion, rice milk at 10 mos instead of BM or formula is NOT sufficient for proper development.
    Mommy to Maxwell 10-9-07 weaned with love (a party and a remote control monster truck) on his 4th birthday
    My Boy 3-16-10
    And my sweet pea Sam 2-12-11

    Watch Your Language

  6. #16
    Join Date
    Aug 2008
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    Default Re: DH is imposing a deadline

    Thanks for all the wonderful advice. I think I'm going to try the approach of just not saying anything. Just to continue what we're doing, because, you're right that he can't just pull my breast away.

    I just sent an email to DH's cousin. She too has a son with food allergies. She stopped nursing when he was 8 months old due to pressure from family and friends. She still gets choked up about it when she thinks about what she took away from him. She's also very outspoken and I think she can knock some sense into my DH. Other than her, we don't know anyone else who breastfed longer than a few months, if at all.

    I honestly don't know why he doesn't want me breastfeeding. He's never really given me a straight answer except for the ignorant "I wasn't breastfed, and I'm fine" type of comments.

  7. #17
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    Aug 2008
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    Default Re: DH is imposing a deadline

    Quote Originally Posted by @llli*Jenna562 View Post
    I would also say please get a second opinion, rice milk at 10 mos instead of BM or formula is NOT sufficient for proper development.
    Yes, I'm definitely not giving him rice milk at 10 months, and I will not be returning to that allergist.

    I even showed DH the side of the rice milk carton where it says "Not to be used as an infant formula. For children under 5, consult a doctor." His idiotic response was "a doctor told us to use it."

  8. #18
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    Default Re: DH is imposing a deadline

    Quote Originally Posted by @llli*mamatofaith View Post
    Yes, I'm definitely not giving him rice milk at 10 months, and I will not be returning to that allergist.

    I even showed DH the side of the rice milk carton where it says "Not to be used as an infant formula. For children under 5, consult a doctor." His idiotic response was "a doctor told us to use it."
    good luck Mama! Let us know how it's going. Sometimes i look at my DH and think how fun it would be to not have a care in the world! Never research any issues with DS, never wonder about his doc apointment, etc. Drives me nuts,
    Mommy to Maxwell 10-9-07 weaned with love (a party and a remote control monster truck) on his 4th birthday
    My Boy 3-16-10
    And my sweet pea Sam 2-12-11

    Watch Your Language

  9. #19
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    Feb 2007
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    Default Re: DH is imposing a deadline

    Quote Originally Posted by @llli*mamatofaith View Post
    Yes, I'm definitely not giving him rice milk at 10 months, and I will not be returning to that allergist.

    I even showed DH the side of the rice milk carton where it says "Not to be used as an infant formula. For children under 5, consult a doctor." His idiotic response was "a doctor told us to use it."
    I bet you I can find a Dr who would recommend cutting of his testicles too, betcha he wouldn't just jump on that band wagon willynilly Men

    Amy married to my bestfriend since 10/30/04

    Proud SAHM to DS born 2/17/07 and DD born 9/11/08 Both weaned together 11/2011
    Currently milk, peach, peanut and tree nut free. DD has outgrown her wheat, cheese, egg, garlic, and citrus allergies

  10. #20
    Join Date
    Aug 2008
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    Default Re: DH is imposing a deadline

    So I asked him why he doesn't want me nursing once DS turns 1 and he said that he thinks it's weird. He thinks that he'll be too old for it and people will think it's gross. I didn't respond to him, I just asked and told him that I wouldn't argue with his reasons. I just wanted to know why he felt that way. So that's his official answer.

    I'm just going to keep up with it and deal with it as he brings it up. If I stop nursing only because DH wants me to, I'm going to be resentful. And I'm going to feel awful feeding him rice milk knowing that I could be doing so much better for him.

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