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Thread: DH is imposing a deadline

  1. #11
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    Default Re: DH is imposing a deadline

    Quote Originally Posted by @llli*mamatofaith View Post
    DH and I fought every day because he (and everyone else) wanted me to give him formula. I just couldn't do it! And it's a good thing I didn't, because his milk allergy is really severe and he could have had an anaphylactic reaction.
    For following your mama bear instincts.

    Quote Originally Posted by @llli*mamatofaith View Post
    When she babysits, she doesn't give him all the bottles I send, but she gives him tons of cereal. When I pick him up, she'll say, "he only took 1 bottle today - how much longer are you going to nurse? It doesn't seem that he wants it."
    How would she know? If your LO is hungry and she gives him what she wants instead of what you send, that's a huge problem.

    Quote Originally Posted by @llli*mamatofaith View Post
    I think she means well.
    I'm sorry but anyone who does not do what you want for your child when you specify it DOES NOT mean well. Think of it this way. If you were paying her, would you accept this level of care? Would you write it off as her "meaning well"? If you have MY child's best interest at heart, then you do WHAT I ask you to do for him to fulfill his needs. Period.

    Mama to my little Diva: Miss K (7/15/06)
    And her little sister: Lulu Pie (3/21/09)

    "Don't toush da mango"
    One-handed typer Extraordinaire!
    My body creates, houses, nurtures and nourishes life. That is awesome.
    Kegel Kop says: TIGHTEN UP!

  2. #12
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    Oct 2006
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    Default Re: DH is imposing a deadline

    Okay, so this is my advice.
    Find a nutritionist that deals with infants and toddlers and that is knowledgeable on breast feeding (screen them before you bring the dh) Babies NEED to have about 40 grams of fat per day for brain development at that age. That is almost impossible to do at the 12 month mark since most babies are still dabbling in solid foods. Rice milk does not provide fat or enough protein. Not to mention bf babies are smarter. So, tell your dh that maybe that will get him some scholarships. Rice milk is just not going to cut it. If your lo is allergic to soy, then you will have to do neocate or something similar, which is EXTREMELY expensive. So, do your research, find out how many fat grams is in breastmilk, rice milk (which is not enough) and neocate. Maybe that will help if he sees it will cost literally hundreds of dollars a month.

    Also, maybe just tell him that your ds needs to nurse until you can be certain that he is getting the proper nutrition through his foods. FWIW, my ds weaned between 21 and 22 months, and he has never drank cow's milk or soy milk (or rice milk) for nutrition. However, he was eating enough fats. I think 18 months may be a more realistic goal for weaning in order to get his dietary needs met through food.

    I personally wouldn't proclaim "I am nursing him until he is 2". That's a long way away and to your dh, right now, it probably seems like at age 2 is forever. Time goes by quickly.

    I think it is very admirable that you are fighting for your son on this one.

    FWIW, my inlaws were the same. my sil bf her first two for 3-5 months, which was an 'admirable sacrifice'. She nursed her third, who had allergies, until he was 10 months, which you would have thought, according to her, would have won her the nobel peace prize. My mil thought she was nuts to do such a thing. In fact, my inlaws were just here at Christmas, and mil announced that 'they' now recommend only nursing for 3 months, after that, it's not good for the baby. I won't get into all the dirty details, but in summary, she didn't speak to me or look at me for at least an hour after my tangent

  3. #13
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    Apr 2007
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    Default Re: DH is imposing a deadline

    Quote Originally Posted by @llli*amy.marie View Post
    I really don't understand how he thinks he is going to make you stop? Is he going to tear your DS out of your arms when you start nursing? Slap you in an iron bra when you're sleeping? He can say what he wants until he's blue in the face but he can't really do anything to make you quit except make your life more difficult.
    This is what it kind of comes down to I think. DH was comfortable with 2, nursing after that has been a challenge for him to deal with. Guess what? He's dealing with it. I really think he fears that LO will nurse till he's a teenager . Heck, maybe he will , but I'm not looking any further than where we are.
    I tend to be pretty easy going, and just go with the flow. This is one of those things where I will not back down. Once DH finally got that, he's backed off.
    He likes to give me hell about it every once in awhile, he gets the eye and we leave it at that.
    Stick around here, we'll help ya with the eye part!!

  4. #14
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    Default Re: DH is imposing a deadline

    This makes me so mad! You are not a child and therefore DH doesn't get to mandate what you do, simple as that. However I do understand that LO is the child of both of you, but I know this may not be politically correct to say, but we've always had a subtle understanding that in the end my ideas/wants were the tie breaker when DS was a baby or when it involves my body, How does it even effect him?

    I have to tell you that this issue would be a deal breaker for me, I am not willing to compromise the health or safety of my child for the whims of my husband or MIL! Especially since as you say your DH doesn't do any research on the subject.

    I would also say please get a second opinion, rice milk at 10 mos instead of BM or formula is NOT sufficient for proper development.
    Mommy to Maxwell 10-9-07 weaned with love (a party and a remote control monster truck) on his 4th birthday
    My Boy 3-16-10
    And my sweet pea Sam 2-12-11

    Watch Your Language

  5. #15
    Join Date
    Aug 2008
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    Default Re: DH is imposing a deadline

    Thanks for all the wonderful advice. I think I'm going to try the approach of just not saying anything. Just to continue what we're doing, because, you're right that he can't just pull my breast away.

    I just sent an email to DH's cousin. She too has a son with food allergies. She stopped nursing when he was 8 months old due to pressure from family and friends. She still gets choked up about it when she thinks about what she took away from him. She's also very outspoken and I think she can knock some sense into my DH. Other than her, we don't know anyone else who breastfed longer than a few months, if at all.

    I honestly don't know why he doesn't want me breastfeeding. He's never really given me a straight answer except for the ignorant "I wasn't breastfed, and I'm fine" type of comments.

  6. #16
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    Aug 2008
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    Default Re: DH is imposing a deadline

    Quote Originally Posted by @llli*Jenna562 View Post
    I would also say please get a second opinion, rice milk at 10 mos instead of BM or formula is NOT sufficient for proper development.
    Yes, I'm definitely not giving him rice milk at 10 months, and I will not be returning to that allergist.

    I even showed DH the side of the rice milk carton where it says "Not to be used as an infant formula. For children under 5, consult a doctor." His idiotic response was "a doctor told us to use it."

  7. #17
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    Default Re: DH is imposing a deadline

    Quote Originally Posted by @llli*mamatofaith View Post
    Yes, I'm definitely not giving him rice milk at 10 months, and I will not be returning to that allergist.

    I even showed DH the side of the rice milk carton where it says "Not to be used as an infant formula. For children under 5, consult a doctor." His idiotic response was "a doctor told us to use it."
    good luck Mama! Let us know how it's going. Sometimes i look at my DH and think how fun it would be to not have a care in the world! Never research any issues with DS, never wonder about his doc apointment, etc. Drives me nuts,
    Mommy to Maxwell 10-9-07 weaned with love (a party and a remote control monster truck) on his 4th birthday
    My Boy 3-16-10
    And my sweet pea Sam 2-12-11

    Watch Your Language

  8. #18
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    Default Re: DH is imposing a deadline

    Quote Originally Posted by @llli*mamatofaith View Post
    Yes, I'm definitely not giving him rice milk at 10 months, and I will not be returning to that allergist.

    I even showed DH the side of the rice milk carton where it says "Not to be used as an infant formula. For children under 5, consult a doctor." His idiotic response was "a doctor told us to use it."
    I bet you I can find a Dr who would recommend cutting of his testicles too, betcha he wouldn't just jump on that band wagon willynilly Men

    Amy married to my bestfriend since 10/30/04

    Proud SAHM to DS born 2/17/07 and DD born 9/11/08 Both weaned together 11/2011
    Currently milk, peach, peanut and tree nut free. DD has outgrown her wheat, cheese, egg, garlic, and citrus allergies

  9. #19
    Join Date
    Aug 2008
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    Default Re: DH is imposing a deadline

    So I asked him why he doesn't want me nursing once DS turns 1 and he said that he thinks it's weird. He thinks that he'll be too old for it and people will think it's gross. I didn't respond to him, I just asked and told him that I wouldn't argue with his reasons. I just wanted to know why he felt that way. So that's his official answer.

    I'm just going to keep up with it and deal with it as he brings it up. If I stop nursing only because DH wants me to, I'm going to be resentful. And I'm going to feel awful feeding him rice milk knowing that I could be doing so much better for him.

  10. #20
    Join Date
    Apr 2008
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    Default Re: DH is imposing a deadline

    omg, I don't even know you or your dh but this is just making my blood boil. Where does he get off "letting" you do anything?? You're not "his" to "let" You're not asking to use his truck - heck you're not "asking" him anything. You're nursing your child. You're providing the absolute best for your child. ugh.

    My response would be "you don't get a vote". End of discussion. And I know that might not sound fair, but that's exactly how I feel right now. Perhaps I might have better advice in a while.

    gosh, he's only 8 months old - still so tiny. Even at 10 months old, they are eating so little solid food that rice milk would have a negative impact.

    Tell your dh that an allergist should give allergy advice and a peditirician should give infant health advice, and a Lactation consultant should give breastfeeding advice.

    ETA: I don't mean to sound harsh I think I should have waited before I posted
    ~Jenn~


    mother of 2 boys!
    08/14/98~~03/20/08

    Birth: 7lbs 12oz, 1 year: 22lbs 11oz
    until he self-weaned 4 days before his third birthday ... still on occasion ... and happily

    ************************************************** ************************************************** *****************
    People need to understand that when they're deciding between breastmilk and formula, they're not deciding between Coke and Pepsi.... They're choosing between a live, pure substance and a dead substance made with the cheapest oils available. ~Chele Marmet

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