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Thread: DH is imposing a deadline

  1. #1
    Join Date
    Aug 2008
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    83

    Default DH is imposing a deadline

    My baby is 8 months old. I only nursed DD for 6 months, but this time I made a goal to make it to a year. Well, DS has food allergies (including milk and soy) and I'm not comfortable giving him rice milk as a replacement after he turns a year, so I've changed my goal to nurse him until he's 2. DH is not happy about this at all. Actually, he would have preferred for me to formula feed from the beginning. He's come around (because of the allergies) when he realized what his special prescription formula would have cost us, but an allergist told us last week that we could stop breastfeeding and start him on the rice milk when he's 10 months old. DH has latched onto this and has imposed a deadline of 1 year. He said "the allergist said 10 months - I'm giving you a year. Then you're done." What do I do? I'm heartbroken about this. I know in my heart that rice milk will not be good for his development. I've been depressed over this ever since we had that stupid appointment. I think I found the only allergist in the world who doesn't support breastfeeding.

    I posted about the horrible advice from the allergist in the food allergies forum, but I'm not sure if I'm allowed to link a post from another forum, so if you're interested, you can read about it in the "Allergies and the Breastfeeding Family" forum.

    I also wanted to add that DH is not the type to read and research. He doesn't care what's best for DS's development. He thinks that rice milk is "good enough." Also, his mother has started asking how much longer we're going to nurse (I don't give her a straight answer), and DH takes her word as gold.

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Jan 2006
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    18,063

    Default Re: DH is imposing a deadline

    are you on talking terms with your mil?
    maybe you could get her on your side?
    I don't know...
    If your dh is unwilling to budge I might search out another doctor or at least a good nurtrionist, they would tell him that rice milk doesn't have the fats that toddler needs.

    Thats a realy hard one.
    It's hard when your dh isn't supportive of breastfeeding.

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Jul 2006
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    Oh FFS!
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    Default Re: DH is imposing a deadline

    Has he said why he wants you to quit? What's is reason?

    Mama to my little Diva: Miss K (7/15/06)
    And her little sister: Lulu Pie (3/21/09)

    "Don't toush da mango"
    One-handed typer Extraordinaire!
    My body creates, houses, nurtures and nourishes life. That is awesome.
    Kegel Kop says: TIGHTEN UP!

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Oct 2006
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    4,836

    Default Re: DH is imposing a deadline

    Quote Originally Posted by @llli*mamatofaith View Post
    He said "the allergist said 10 months - I'm giving you a year. Then you're done."


    I will try to think of some constructive advice since my initial advice isn't so helpful. Right now, I am censoring...

  5. #5
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    Jan 2006
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    Default Re: DH is imposing a deadline

    you did a great job of not saying what you want...
    I know what I would have told my dh if he would have said something like that.

  6. #6
    Join Date
    Aug 2008
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    83

    Default Re: DH is imposing a deadline

    Quote Originally Posted by @llli*shannon75 View Post


    I will try to think of some constructive advice since my initial advice isn't so helpful. Right now, I am censoring...
    Don't worry - I won't be offended. I know sometimes my DH can be a jerk. He has a lot of good qualities, but he can be really insensitive sometimes. It runs in the family (and I married the good one!)

    Before we had children, I didn't know if I would breastfeed. With DD, I said I would try it. Fortunately, she was so easy to nurse and I loved the experience. When I went back to work, I was too shy to ask for breaks to pump and my supply dwindled down to nothing. That's why I stopped. I was so surprised by my feelings of sadness and loss when we stopped nursing. This time, I was so determined. DS was AWFUL to nurse. He screamed nonstop for the first 4 months of his life until we got his allergies figured out. He acted like I was feeding him poison. DH and I fought every day because he (and everyone else) wanted me to give him formula. I just couldn't do it! And it's a good thing I didn't, because his milk allergy is really severe and he could have had an anaphylactic reaction. Now we're in such a wonderful place where he gazes at me and makes all those cute baby noises while nursing.

    I don't think MIL will be on my side with this one. I can't really explain why, but I get the feeling that it bothers her that I'm able to provide something for my baby that she can't provide. When she babysits, she doesn't give him all the bottles I send, but she gives him tons of cereal. When I pick him up, she'll say, "he only took 1 bottle today - how much longer are you going to nurse? It doesn't seem that he wants it." She only babysits when I work (which I do on an as needed basis). She's really our only option for childcare right now. I think she means well, but when I try to educate her, she tells me that I read too much on the internet.

  7. #7
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    Jan 2006
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    18,063

    Default Re: DH is imposing a deadline

    would she got to the nuritionist with you?

  8. #8
    Join Date
    Jan 2007
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    out of my right mind
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    Default Re: DH is imposing a deadline

    When my DH suggested I should stop BFing, I promptly told him that he would be responsible for all night-time parenting and daytime feedings (and preparation and clean-up) because I was not going to be dealing with any of that if I couldn't BF. Worked too. But then, I wear the pants in the family!

  9. #9
    Join Date
    Dec 2008
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    532

    Default Re: DH is imposing a deadline

    I'm sorry about this situation! I feel like too.

    We all have our own style of dealing with the men - my SO has been hard to win as well - we're only at 4 months. He's said "1 year" as a "limit", too, but how have I responded? I HAVEN'T. I just let him say his "piece" and continue to hold my nursling in the crook of my arm.

    It's not like he's going to remove her from my breast I'd like to see him try.

    Good luck mama you can do it !!
    Nursed for 18 months

  10. #10
    Join Date
    Feb 2007
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    Sunny Arizona
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    3,171

    Default Re: DH is imposing a deadline

    I really don't understand how he thinks he is going to make you stop? Is he going to tear your DS out of your arms when you start nursing? Slap you in an iron bra when you're sleeping? He can say what he wants until he's blue in the face but he can't really do anything to make you quit except make your life more difficult.

    If he's not the type to research then I would use that to my advantage. Tell him that YOU have done the research and BFing is best. If he wants you to stop then he needs to show you research to support his opinion and the advice of one stupid Dr. does not count since you could find 10 Drs to support extended BFing.

    It kind of sounds like he is the type to think since "he put his foot down" then everyone should just agree. This is something that is really important not only to you, but to the health of your DS, so you really need to be willing to assert yourself. Also I would try to get to the root of why he even cares how long you BF.

    Amy married to my bestfriend since 10/30/04

    Proud SAHM to DS born 2/17/07 and DD born 9/11/08 Both weaned together 11/2011
    Currently milk, peach, peanut and tree nut free. DD has outgrown her wheat, cheese, egg, garlic, and citrus allergies

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