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Thread: Difference between weaning and setting limits

  1. #1
    Join Date
    Mar 2007
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    Default Difference between weaning and setting limits

    Hi!

    I am tandem nursing my DD#1 (2yo) and DD#2 (5 weeks) and it's not easy so I've decided to set limits on the older one but I can't help to feel guilty about it. Before DD#2 was born, she was allowed to nurse all the time for as long as she wanted to.

    What's the difference between setting limits and weaning? I would like to nurse her till she's ready to wean on her own but nursing two on demand is very hard.

    What are your thoughts?

    TIA

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Jan 2006
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    New Orleans, LA
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    Default Re: Difference between weaning and setting limits

    My thoughts are that you have to do what works for your situation. I also feel like the baby gets priority with nursing.

    I am considering setting some limits with my 18 month old and ultimately it is a stage in the process of weaning, but it will be a baby step on my part. Basically I want to distract her at times when I feel she is nursing out of boredom, even though I don't think boredom is the right word...she just prefers to nurse over doing a puzzle or coloring or painting or whatever.
    Mother - Wife - Artist - Cook - Writer - EnvironMENTAList - Cloth Diaperer (but we are soooo done with diapers) - Organic Health Nut...I'm sure there's more.

    DD1 - 12/15/05 Breastfed for 16.5 months
    DD2 - 8/6/07 Breastfed for 3 whole years and 3 little, extra days.

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Apr 2007
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    Default Re: Difference between weaning and setting limits

    Good question. Really, you are weaning as soon as you introduce anything besides breastmilk. So setting limits is sort of a next stage in mutual weaning.

    The difference being that you set limits but also allow times that are ok to nurse or certain situations where you nurse. If you were weaning to be done, you'd keep cutting till there was nothing. You want to wean down to something that's manageable for everyone.

    I think going about it slowly and keeping things flexible is the way to go. I cut or limited sessions that were the most stressful for me but were easy for him to drop first. Like nursing while I was eating
    But I'd still nurse him if he was sick or having a meltdown in a situation when we normally don't nurse anymore. I put a small limits on things - mostly on time now (my LO is 2 1/2) and we can have "ba ba" for just a minute. He's good with about 30 seconds and then he'll be on to the next thing. He's also dropped a lot of sessions by himself now. We're only nursing maybe once a day.. sometimes not even that.

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Aug 2006
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    8,018

    Default Re: Difference between weaning and setting limits

    Setting limits can be part of the beginning of weaning. It doesn't have to be all (demand feeding) or nothing.

    I TN my 3 yr old and 11 month old. My 3 yr old only nurses at story time before bed now and has for quite some time. I agree with bunnyscootles' suggestions. I also highly recommend a great little book called How Weaning Happens for suggestions on limiting the older nursling.

    There were times when DD1 would get upset that DD2 was nursing and she had to wait until later. I explained to her that she could eat and drink other foods and beverages but breastmilk was the baby's only food/drink. I'd tell her not to worry, she'd get her turn at story time, would she like to cuddle with us and have a snack?

    We also have a children's book called What Baby Needs (by the Sears) that helped my older children understand. It is not about TN but was helpful to me. For example, the book talks about what the older siblings can do while mommy is nursing the baby. One of the suggestions is to have "Just being time" with mommy. DD1 really liked that and thought of it as special, so I often suggested that.

    Just some ideas, sorry to ramble...

    Molly

    Loving mama to JP (DS, 1/03 ~ nursed 6 mos), EL (DD1, 9/05 ~ nursed 4 yrs), EJ (DD2, 3/08 ~ nursed 3 yrs 9 mos), and
    JM (DD3, 6/12 ~ currently nursing), all born naturally
    Devoted wife to SAHD P, my hero
    A few of my favorite things that I've discovered on the forum: co-sleeping, baby-wearing, tandem nursing, baby-led solids, cloth diapering, APing, selective vaccination...the list goes on

  5. #5
    Join Date
    Dec 2008
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    12

    Default Re: Difference between weaning and setting limits

    Just wanted to offer my comraderie to my fellow nursing mom's. Today was a good day in my book b/c my DS (almost 21 mos old) only nursed a handful of times. He was really "busy" (children's museum, supermarket, etc) and in a good mood. When he's tired or not feeling well, he can nurse 10-15 times a day. I also try to distract him if we've just nursed or offer drink/food. If he really wants to nurse, it doesn't matter what I offer.

    One new thing we've started is to "ask nicely". I can't stand the whining for nursing, especially in public! So now he smiles sweetly and says, "please....". Of course, I can never say no to that type of request but at least it gets us both smiling!

    I also try to be tangible about "later" (based on recommendations from others on this board). Rather than say "we'll nurse later", I say "let's take a bath first, then nurse". I repeat it a lot "bath first, then nurse" and then follow through with my promise!

  6. #6
    Join Date
    Feb 2008
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    2,005

    Default Re: Difference between weaning and setting limits

    with all the pp.

    IMHO setting limits is teaching your lo to care about others feelings and needs. Weaning is the process of bringing nursing to an end.
    Proud mom of 2 boys, both weaned gradually and with love.


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    For each and every one of us, the person from whom we can learn the most is our own baby: listen to him. - Mary White, LLL co-founder

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    Murray Straus, Ph.D.

  7. #7
    Join Date
    Mar 2007
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    Default Re: Difference between weaning and setting limits

    Thanks so much to all for your suggestions and support!

    Quote Originally Posted by @llli*mollyb View Post
    I TN my 3 yr old and 11 month old. My 3 yr old only nurses at story time before bed now and has for quite some time. I agree with bunnyscootles' suggestions. I also highly recommend a great little book called How Weaning Happens for suggestions on limiting the older nursling.
    I read the book "Adventures in Tandem Nursing" I heard of that book but I thought it was only for those who wanted to wean. I'm gonna buy it, thanks for the suggestion!

    Quote Originally Posted by @llli*mollyb View Post
    There were times when DD1 would get upset that DD2 was nursing and she had to wait until later. I explained to her that she could eat and drink other foods and beverages but breastmilk was the baby's only food/drink. I'd tell her not to worry, she'd get her turn at story time, would she like to cuddle with us and have a snack?
    When setting limits I tell her DD#2 can't eat other foods and that works, I also tell her she can nurse after nap, etc but sometimes it's impossible to calm her and I have to give in or she would throw the biggest fit! Last saturday we invited one of my friends parents for tea and they witnessed the tantrum my DD#1 was making when I said, you can nurse when they are gone. I finally had to say ok cause she was too loud and it was easier to nurse her than to try to distract her. I limited the time she could nurse, I only nurse her for 5' and she's happy after so I know she still need it. I guess it's too soon, it's only been 5 weeks. I hope some day she;ll nurse only once or twice a day, like your DD#1.

    Thanks again for your suggestions!!

  8. #8
    Join Date
    Aug 2006
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    8,018

    Default Re: Difference between weaning and setting limits

    It sounds like you are doing well! I think it's a good idea to be flexible, especially when she's still adjusting to having the new baby around and sharing you. I admit I sometimes offered "treaty" snacks to distract DD1 from nursing (such as bunny grahams crackers and cow/soy milk). Plus your older DD is a lot younger than my DD1.

    Molly

    Loving mama to JP (DS, 1/03 ~ nursed 6 mos), EL (DD1, 9/05 ~ nursed 4 yrs), EJ (DD2, 3/08 ~ nursed 3 yrs 9 mos), and
    JM (DD3, 6/12 ~ currently nursing), all born naturally
    Devoted wife to SAHD P, my hero
    A few of my favorite things that I've discovered on the forum: co-sleeping, baby-wearing, tandem nursing, baby-led solids, cloth diapering, APing, selective vaccination...the list goes on

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