I'm sorry your having a hard time with your hubby!
relationships are so hard. I'm pretty sure that your breastfeeding cann't be the only issue! You guys need to dig deeper. And that might be very painfull for your hubby.
Thank you so much for all your thoughts! I think you are all on the right track. DH and I have a difficult relationship - there are lots of issues - I know bf is more of the scapegoat that the problem.
I have tried to focus more on dh - making more time for sex, etc. It doesn't seem to be enough. It is hard when I feel so distant from him and feel he does so little to contribute to our relationship. I am sure he feels I put the kids before him - but I feel he puts everything before me. Anyway, that is a different post. I started a letter to him months ago about how I feel about bf and being told to quit. Maybe I will try to finish it and give to him.
This is tough. I feel like I'm living with a 3.5 year old, a 20 month old, and a sulky, negative teen-ager (DH)! (How he is acting.)
You're right about it being a bigger, scarier issue. Basically, we are very incompatible and should have never gotten married. Now we have two beautiful children who we both very much love but disagree on so many things about raising them. Because we don't have a strong bond between the two of us, these difficulties seem insurmountable. I am a SAHM - very important to me - I can't imagine being a single-mom and returning to work full time, etc. But I am so worried about the effect of all this on the children - and me.
This is tough to admit: my 3.5 yr old ds was commenting on daddy being "grumpy" the other morning (a bad morning). I assured ds that daddy loves him and dd very much! My son looked at me solemnly and said, "Yes mama, but he doesn't love you."
How damaging is that going to be? And my big worry now - I think dh is really going to start telling ds not to bf, that it is "wrong" etc. How will that affect ds?
Thanks again for letting me vent and for all the hugs! Thank you.
I think you should tell your dh what your 3 year old said!
IT sounds like it wounded you and it could also hurt him, if he is willing to look at it in the 3 year old eyes.
Have you talked about divorce before? or sepperation?
Last edited by @llli*andrea.wolford; February 13th, 2009 at 08:41 AM.
I did tell dh. He has been gone for a few days at a time for the last week - I told him to please reflect on it. Although I don't "believe" in separation as a good thing - I am feeling like it might be helpful. But I don't know how feasible it is.
Maybe counseling will allow my husband to deal with some issues that are really impacting our marriage.
yeah I think it would be wise to seak out counseling
if he refuses to go, go by your self!
I'm so sorry you're having a rough time, mama! I wonder if your local LLLeader might know of a pro-XBF counselor? Sometimes I feel like I have 2 children - DH & DS; I feel lucky DH hasn't gotten jealous of my BF yet (but I feel it coming). , and we're all here to support you!
ETA All of the abbreviations were really confusing at first! I'm bumping this thread http://forums.llli.org/showthread.php?t=807 for you
Last edited by @llli*imma2nonstopaa; February 13th, 2009 at 02:19 PM.
Imma to AA, born at home 11/12/07 , juggling , working, APing , cloth diapering , - and . I'm done - yay!
with the recommendation of pp's in finding a good therapist. DH and I had a rough patch a couple of years ago after I had a miscarriage, and the emotional upheaval from that event forced us to deal with some other issues that had been on the back burner for a while. I was thinking i had made a huge mistake in marrying this man who obviously didn't understand me... Therapy made a huge difference for us, it really helped him understand my feelings and vice versa. We learned some new ways to communicate and connect and I'm not exaggerating to say it saved our marriage.
Mama to my little Roxie Roo, 06/11/08
April miles for TBTTW: 63
what is IMO and IME