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Thread: Sooo depressed

  1. #1
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    Default Sooo depressed

    I think we're going to have to throw in the towel. I have been struggling ever since I went back to work to BF Katy. My supply has been terrible, and there's not a whole lot I can do since it's literally almost impossible to pump as often or as long as I need to to keep it up. Every time I try to sit down and pump, something comes up with one of my other kids, and since I'm a single mom, there's no one else there to take care of it, which means pumping goes out the window. Katy doesn't nurse for more than 2 or 3 minutes on each side now before there's nothing left, and then I try to keep her sucking longer, but she wont do it. I was so determined to keep this up for at least a year this time, but it's just not happening. I feel like such a total failure, and such a rotten mom for not eing able to do something so freaking basic for my daughter. Why does something that is supposed to be so natural and the best thing for your kids have to be so damn difficult? Things got better briefly when my doctor put me on Reglan, but of course that was only for 2 weeks, and as soon as I ran out, supply went right back in the tubesand they won't let me stay on it. Now both my doctor and their ped. are saying to just give it up, there's nothing I can do. I hate the thought of not BFing her anymore, b/c I love doing it. There's just not enough there for her, and I don't know how to pull back out of this without spending half my time attached to the pump and completely ignoring my other 2 kids. I have been in a total state over this for about 2 days now, and I am getting seriously, seriously depressed about it. Should I just give it up? Or should I just let my 2 yo run wild, and ignore my 5 yo so that I can spend 20 minutes every 2 hours attached to the pump, and the rest of my time trying to do the basics, like make meals, and do chores, and give baths, etc.? I hate being a single parent, I hate that no one I know gives a damn if I BF or not, I hate feeling like I am a terrible mother just be/c I can't BF, despite the fact that I spend all day, every day working my ass off to take care of these kids. Sorry this is so long, I know some of it doesn't make much sense, I jsut don't know what to do anymore, and I am so upset and so frustrated.
    I'm Shannon!
    Single, babywearing, barefoot in the grass mama to 3 wonderful babies!
    Abby 11-25-03
    Terry 9-29-06
    Kate 6-12-08
    and my Jack 11-17-02, gone to God at 11 weeks



    "While we try to teach our children all about life, our children teach us what life is all about."

    "I am going to be happy today, though the skies may be cloudy or gray. No matter what comes my way, I am going to be happy today."

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Dec 2008
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    399

    Default Re: Sooo depressed

    Wow, I think a lot of us read your post and are hearts broke a little bit for you. I know you are feeling down and negative about how you've done, but from my perspective you are totally amazing and I'm in awe of you. Raising three kids is like having three full time jobs. I have one child, and I feel like breast feeding is a full time job some times. Don't forget, if breast feeding was always easy and stressfree, this board wouldn't exist. You've done an amazing thing for your lo already and if it makes sense for you to wean, you should be so proud of what you've given her.

    Do you have anyone who can come over & watch your kids for an hour so you can have a hot a shower & a walk by yourself? I know I wish I could!!

    You are doing the best you can under tough circumstances. Are you perfect? Of course not, none of us are. We spend our whole lives as mothers worrying about the compromises we have to make, atleast I do. You love your children, you are doing your best. Don't beat yourself up, find peace, because you are amazing. I am rooting for you and your family.

  3. #3
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    Default Re: Sooo depressed

    So sorry mama...I know you have had such a overwhelming time even from the beginning! You are doing such an amazing job...I think I would have sunk by now!

    I wouldn't normally suggest it right out, but I know you have already been trying everything else, but have you thought of Domperidone?

    If you don't want to give up mama don't. I know that the best we can do here is give you a virtual shout out and a couple of these , but everyone here is ready to support you!

    Personally I think you are doing an incredible job with everything you have on your plate and everything that you have been through.
    Last edited by @llli*nolies.mama; January 26th, 2009 at 04:07 PM.
    I'm Hillary
    Wife to Gualberto
    Mom to Nolan
    Born at 32 weeks-3lbs/10oz
    11-25-2007
    Our precious early angel


    Remember, you are not managing an inconvenience; You are raising a human being ~ Kittie Frantz
    Unthinking respect for authority is the greatest enemy of truth ~ Albert Einstein
    First they ignore you, then they ridicule you, then they fight you, then you win ~ Mahatma Gandhi
    Looking for more information about vaccines?

  4. #4
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    Jul 2007
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    Default Re: Sooo depressed

    more than anything the stress you are feeling could be causing the supply issues...

    I have a ?. If you were nursing your DD and something came up with the older kids, would you stop nursing?

    The reason I ask is because when I pumped at home, I stressed that the time be taking just as serious if I was nursing my LO.

    What's you pump scheldule like at work? I only pumped at home 1/day during the week and in the first few months 2/day on weekends.... I really counted on the milk I pumped from work, becuase life was tough...
    Married mama with 4 kiddos...2 girls (11 & 6) and 2 boys (21mo & 3mo)

  5. #5
    Join Date
    Aug 2008
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    Toronto, Canada
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    Default Re: Sooo depressed

    Oh Mama!

    You're dealing with a lot! I don't have any advice except to agree with Hillary. If you want to keep nursing, you should keep trying. Maybe the Dom will help you. I assume you've already gotten past the fenugreek/blessed thistle etc?

    Hang in there! Don't quit if you're not ready.
    Jess

    Mama to my little Roxie Roo, 06/11/08


    April miles for TBTTW: 63

  6. #6
    Join Date
    Sep 2008
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    Default Re: Sooo depressed

    Yeah I tried herbals, mother's milk tea, oatmeal. I am able to pump 3 times a day at work, but it's gotten so bad, I usually dont leave work with more than 1 1/2 oz every day. And I'm able to pump for 15 minutes each time. As far as nursing at home goes. If something comes up with one of the other 2, she just comes along for the ride if I need to get up. She was actually really good about nursing in her wrap. Can't do that with the pump though.
    I'm Shannon!
    Single, babywearing, barefoot in the grass mama to 3 wonderful babies!
    Abby 11-25-03
    Terry 9-29-06
    Kate 6-12-08
    and my Jack 11-17-02, gone to God at 11 weeks



    "While we try to teach our children all about life, our children teach us what life is all about."

    "I am going to be happy today, though the skies may be cloudy or gray. No matter what comes my way, I am going to be happy today."

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