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Thread: Sadness long after weaning

  1. #1
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    Default Sadness long after weaning

    Last night I was nursing Norah (17 month old) for the bazillionth time. When she came off and proclaimed, "DONE!" she wanted to leave my shirt up and look at my breasts. So she did and she smiled. Kate (37 months, who weaned at 16.5 months) was also looking and said with kind of a sad look on her face, "I wish I could nurse."

    I was so shocked and heartbroken. She was forced to wean during my pregnancy with Norah after a 2-week drought. She has now been weaned for longer than she nursed. I occasionally give her EBM in a cup, but since Norah started solids....it's been a while.

    So...my response was, "you can if you want." Then she looked at me like I was silly and said, "Mom, I'm too big."

    And I just left it alone. I don't necessarily want to get her going again and maybe it was just b/c she was being how she normally is with Norah, wanting whatever she has. Regardless, it left me with an aching heart all last night and lingering this morning.

    I've always carried the guilt of the idea that she weaned prematurely due to my pregnancy, but until now that was never reinforced.

    Don't know why I'm posting....I guess just for an understanding ear.
    Mother - Wife - Artist - Cook - Writer - EnvironMENTAList - Cloth Diaperer (but we are soooo done with diapers) - Organic Health Nut...I'm sure there's more.

    DD1 - 12/15/05 Breastfed for 16.5 months
    DD2 - 8/6/07 Breastfed for 3 whole years and 3 little, extra days.

  2. #2
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    Default Re: Sadness long after weaning

    i think i understand. i sometimes feel like james got the short end of the stick because i got pg. i sometimes feel guilt, but mostly i am just saddened that it didn't last as long as i would have liked it to. no matter what, you shared a wonderful experience with kate regardless of the length of time.
    Lisa
    Married to my Sugar Daddy
    Mom to Matt (5/14/97)
    James (11/8/06)
    Kelly Anne (3/14/08)
    Paul (3/11/10)

  3. #3
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    Default Re: Sadness long after weaning

    Where's my BIG EAR SMILEY. I am sorry you are feeling sad and guilty.
    But let me talk you right out of that. Your kid is 8 days older than my kid. (Funny I completely missed that until now. I always though her a bit older than DJ)
    I know that weaning during pregnancy can be hard. It's an especially hard time due to hormones and being so tired taking care of your toddler. But the truth is weaning during pregnancy if your child CHOOSES IT, IS natural child led weaning!. Kate could have held on though no milk. Some kids do. But it wasn't what worked for you as a Dyad.
    AND what would the alternative been? When people asked me about weaning I always said "when he's done." But I always assumed I wean him during pregnancy. Well I have been trying to be pregnant for quite some time. And I have a 3 year old on my tit. Just recently I am getting the sense that I have less milk. He wants to flip very quickly is seems....I say "if I am out of milk, STOP." He shakes his head and maneuvers to the other side. I think "I can't nurse a 4 year old." "What about Preschool?" Last night I was thinking....."how do those women get down to twice a day? How do they get out of the nap sessions?" I realized that for ME to give up those session....I may have to give up NAPS!!
    So really I agree with her. I'm GLAD for you that she thinks she is too old to nurse. You did what was best for your family. You had those girls so close together and it was really really hard in the beginning. But you did that so they would have each other their whole lives. Kate got something that Norah will never be able to even fathom. She got time with you ALONE. She got you all to herself. Norah will never know what that is. It all balances out. Put the guilt away Christy. It doesn't serve you. And Besides it hinders your ability to Fly!

    Way too lazy for formula

  4. #4
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    Default Re: Sadness long after weaning

    Oh Christy...how did you know exactly how I was feeling this morning?

    I feel much the same as you do. Shiloh weaned around 14 months, either because of low milk supply or because of starting day care, I dunno Either way, I wasn't ready for him to wean and then got pregnant just a few short months after that. I felt sad.

    This morning around 3am he comes wandering into our room and crawls into bed with us. I was sleeping topless. He was fussing and reached for my breasts. I let him as he looked like he was about to latch on. I told him he could and he said, "no mom, that's for Joey...not me". I literally wanted to just cry. I really feel like he would've nursed longer if I would have worked at rebuilding my supply during that last nursing strike instead of just not offering any more.

    So I do know how you feel. Thank you for sharing, its good to know I'm not alone! And even though you did everything right with Kate, I know it still hurts
    All over the world there exists in every society a small group of women who feel themselves strongly attracted to giving care to other women during pregnancy and childbirth. Failure to make use of this group of highly motivated people is regrettable and a sin against the principle of subsidiary. ~ Dr. Kloosterman, Chief of OB/GYN, Univ. of Amsterdam, Holland


    **Leslie**

    Mama to:
    Shiloh (5/6/06) Nursed for 13 months and Josephine (7/26/08) Nursed for 23.5 mos Currently nursing my new little firecracker, Finley Catherine, born on the 4th of July!!

  5. #5
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    Default Re: Sadness long after weaning

    Christy. You have nothing to feel guilty about. You've done a wonderful thing for both your daughters, no matter how long it lasted. I know it's easier said than done to let go of the guilt. If it makes you feel any better, I still feel guilty sometimes, too. Nora also weaned because I was pregnant and even though I was able to nurse her until she was 2, which was my goal, I still feel guilty sometimes.

    For example (it must be something in the air today), this morning I wasn't wearing a shirt and Nora hugged my belly. I think my nipple must have poked her in the cheek or something because out of nowhere her face kind of went blank and she said, "I can have some milk?" It's been...I don't even know for sure...probably 2 months or more since she's nursed and I almost wanted to let her try, but I asked her if she wanted milk in a cup instead () and she kind of snapped out of it and said no she wanted apple juice.

    Maybe I should have let her try. Or maybe she didn't really want it, she just had like a 'nursing flashback' or something. I'm not really sure what my point it, I guess it's that no matter when/how/why we wean we'll probably always feel some little bit of guilt and/or sadness associated with it.
    “We are not put on earth for ourselves, but are placed here for each other. If you are there always for others, then in time of need, someone will be there for you.”
    --Anonymous

  6. #6
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    Default Re: Sadness long after weaning

    I feel the same way, a lot! Daniel has tried to latch on a few times in the past couple months but just can't figure it out. But then I really sat and thought deeply about when he weaned, how it happened, etc and it was very gentle. He really dropped down his nursing amount when we went on the cruise. I still had milk. But he started hanging out with Dan a lot more. He had his 1st year molars. Kate and Daniel seem a lot alike, they do a lot early, perhaps she was ready to let go? Thats what I have to tell myself about Daniel, he was ready to let go. Now if only he had asked me if *I* was ready!

    Lyn
    Nursing the girl with kaleidoscope eyes


    Mama to Daniel (12/3/06) and Lucy Jane (8/28/08)

  7. #7
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    Default Re: Sadness long after weaning

    No guilt here, because there's still the possibility that K might want to nurse again when L gets here - in fact she still asks every so often. Seriously, her biggest comfort right now is to snuggle into them and kiss them repeatedly Sort of annoying at times when I'm touched out but DH reminded me that they were her source of nourishment and comfort for so long, "why wouldn't she be a fan of them now?" Good point buddy.

    It's great that you gave her an option to start even though you weren't completely happy at the prospect. I don't know if I will feel that way but I'm leaving it open.

    Mama to my little Diva: Miss K (7/15/06)
    And her little sister: Lulu Pie (3/21/09)

    "Don't toush da mango"
    One-handed typer Extraordinaire!
    My body creates, houses, nurtures and nourishes life. That is awesome.
    Kegel Kop says: TIGHTEN UP!

  8. #8
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    Default Re: Sadness long after weaning



    such a sweet story though.

    i am pregnant with number 2 already and DS is only 6 months, i believe my milk has changed a little in taste and hopefully not, but eventually my supply may drop or dry up. i just pray he continues to nurse until i have the baby, i will let him nurse however long he wants to b/c i feel like i am shorting him b/c of this pregnancy
    Student aspiring to be a Chiropractor and mother to Noah who will be 3 in July and Olivia who will be 2 in Aug.

  9. #9
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    Default Re: Sadness long after weaning


    I knew I came to the right place.

    Thanks so much everyone! And big hugs all around....sounds like a lot of us can use one!
    Mother - Wife - Artist - Cook - Writer - EnvironMENTAList - Cloth Diaperer (but we are soooo done with diapers) - Organic Health Nut...I'm sure there's more.

    DD1 - 12/15/05 Breastfed for 16.5 months
    DD2 - 8/6/07 Breastfed for 3 whole years and 3 little, extra days.

  10. #10
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    Default Re: Sadness long after weaning

    Quote Originally Posted by @llli*nolamomma View Post

    I knew I came to the right place.

    Thanks so much everyone! And big hugs all around....sounds like a lot of us can use one!
    I agree with everyone, especially Shelly! I've dealt with similar guilt feelings over my DS, so I can relate to the feelings, but I weaned him at 6 months so it's a totally different story! Kate weaned herself in the natural course of events. You did great.

    Molly

    Loving mama to JP (DS, 1/03 ~ nursed 6 mos), EL (DD1, 9/05 ~ nursed 4 yrs), EJ (DD2, 3/08 ~ nursed 3 yrs 9 mos), and
    JM (DD3, 6/12 ~ currently nursing), all born naturally
    Devoted wife to SAHD P, my hero
    A few of my favorite things that I've discovered on the forum: co-sleeping, baby-wearing, tandem nursing, baby-led solids, cloth diapering, APing, selective vaccination...the list goes on

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