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Thread: Family Criticism

  1. #11
    Join Date
    Jan 2009
    Location
    Toronto, Ontario, Canada
    Posts
    430

    Default Re: Family Criticism

    Thanks for all the responses and valuable information

    Oddly enough MIL breastfed DH and his brother, and donated tons of breastmilk! (She said its unfortunate its not as easy to do so now as it was 29 years ago when DH was born). I'm fairly close with her and I know she doesn't mean to be rude or disrespectful....I think this might be a case of her being a little jealous that she's not as involved as she would like to be with DD. I spoke frequently when I was pregnant about my intentions to BF and she seemed very supportive, then a few weeks before my due date she asked me if I had enough formula stocked up..? I kind of gave her a funny look and said, no I told you I was going to BF. She then said "oh thats good, thats best for baby I suppose but your going to be housebound and no one can babysit". Then on Christmas DD was very fussy and wanted to feed often and since I'm not comfortable nursing in front of DH's family I spent quite a bit of time in the bedroom with DD. I could tell she was frustrated that this was something only I could do that no one could be a part of (although thats one of the things I enjoy about it!) . She keeps pushing me to pump and let people bottle feed but I'd like to avoid that until DD is much older to avoid nipple confusion....and quite frankly I love having that time alone with her.

    I'm definitely going to give her some literature on BFing to 1 and beyond and see how she reacts. At the end of the day i'm not going to let her stop me from doing something I feel strongly about so hopefully a year from now I will be talking about how wonderful it is to still be BFing

    And Kudos to all of you still BFing past one! Your truly an inspiration to me
    First time mom to Kalyna born December 14th 2008

    Born: 7lbs 7oz
    Month 1: 8lbs
    Week 5: 8lbs 6oz
    Week 7: 9lbs 5oz
    Week 9: 10lbs 2.6oz
    Week 17: 14lbs 7oz

    Nursing a 3.5 year old!
    Love , and

  2. #12
    Join Date
    Jun 2008
    Posts
    92

    Default Re: Family Criticism

    We are still BFing with 2 weeks to go until 15 mos. I get some sidewise glances from not only my own mom but also some of my own friends. I don't give a darn tho. Early on I was afraid I'd get criticized but now that LO and I are in our BF groove, I could not care less. You'll be fine. You won't regret one second of it. Congrats on hanging in there for 3 wks. You are dealing with the hardest part now and will be an old pro before you know it.
    Olive Eloise Freeman, born Oct. 19, 2007.
    Still BF at 19 mos. and counting . . .

  3. #13
    Join Date
    Jul 2007
    Posts
    70

    Default Re: Family Criticism

    My MIL was critical when I was nursing my first son. Her niece, my husband's cousin is a black sheep in the family and she has two boys who are quite a handful. "Not well behaved" as the relatives say. Even her own sister is very critical of her parenting. Well, of course, because she cosleeps and breastfeeds long-term (over two years of age), they assume this is the cause. I don't know her very well but when I have been with them, I notice that the real "problem" is that her kids have no consistency or limits. To me, she seems confused and overwhelmed by mothering and my sense is that the kids don't feel secure with this sort of "out of control" feeling in the family. I bet the cosleeping and breastfeeding are actually very beneficial to their well-being in this situation...

    A few things helped to change my MIL's mind. 1. Discussion...When asked my plans about breastfeeding, I would be evasive and avoid the situation. When we talked about MIL's niece, however, I would defend her loosely. Basically, I sounded neutral but stressed that what she was doing was not harmful and that they may be odd choices to them, but nonetheless valid choices.

    2. My MIL's cousin, a woman of her generation, came to visit. They had not been close so they didn't "know" eachother when their children were young. Her cousin told her she breastfed her son until he was two. She raved about how great it was for both of them and how normal it is. Her son is grown up, a great, happy, successful person. That meant a lot to my MIL.

    3. My MIL saw my son grow up nursing until 21 months. Nothing pathological surfaced. He is very easy going and well-behaved and loving. (I think he was born that way. It's nothing we did). Regardless, my MIL now knows that nursing him past one didn't scar him for life.

    I wish everyone could have a MIL's long-lost pro-breastfeeding cousin. I know it is unlikely but if there is any way that one of her peers seem like they could be an ally to you, it could help. Otherwise, you just have to hope that she is a reasonable, self-critical person who can revise her perceptions of breastfeeding. I know it's hard when you are angry but try to open a calm dialogue. You can make it sound hypothetical. Like, "I can't imagine what it would be like to nurse a 10 month old but I know it is recommended now, etc..."

  4. #14
    Join Date
    Aug 2008
    Posts
    48

    Default Re: Family Criticism

    DD is almost 1 and we hear that all the time from our family. Nothing to the point of "disgusting", although my sister thinks so, but it's the continual question of "how much longer?!" and "aren't you going to stop soon?!" mainly from my mom and MIL. Definitely frustrating, but the best we can do is smile and change the subject!

  5. #15
    Join Date
    Feb 2007
    Location
    Sunny Arizona
    Posts
    3,171

    Default Re: Family Criticism

    I've never personally gotten the "sexual" comment but when discussing that type of thinking with DH I told him it's about as sexual as brushing your teeth. Anyone who thinks otherwise has obviously not seen the annoying antics of a nursing toddler. DS is almost 2 with no signs of weaning yet so I know I'm about to get some comments eventually

    Amy married to my bestfriend since 10/30/04

    Proud SAHM to DS born 2/17/07 and DD born 9/11/08 Both weaned together 11/2011
    Currently milk, peach, peanut and tree nut free. DD has outgrown her wheat, cheese, egg, garlic, and citrus allergies

  6. #16
    Join Date
    Dec 2008
    Posts
    23

    Default Re: Family Criticism

    I say let her warm to the idea slowly. Before you know it your little one will be older than 6 months and you will still be nursing. The MIL has 6 months to warm up to it.

    If it's still a problem at that point, you can always make your visits with her short (in between feedings) and not nurse with her around. You can then relax and enjoy the nursing without her negativity in the room. If she then asks why your visits are so short you can tell her it was her own doing.

    My guess is that by the time 6 months comes around and the baby is thriving, it will be a non issue for her anymore.

    Good luck.

  7. #17
    Join Date
    Jul 2006
    Location
    Central Alberta, Canda
    Posts
    319

    Default Re: Family Criticism

    I've kept two articles in my diaperbag since DS was a Year old. My Mom is not exactly for breastfeeding past a year but she hasn't said anything to me about it since I was a kid. I remember her saying that it was discusting when she saw someone doing it. But to me she has kept quite. But if she does ever bring it up I have these articles to back me up. I am not good at conflict and I think she is the same that is why she hasn't said anything.

    The ever wonderful Kelly Mom website:
    http://www.kellymom.com/bf/bfextended/ebf-benefits.html

    This is a Canadian link as I am Canadian:
    http://www.breastfeedingalberta.ca/f...duration_e.pdf
    Amanda Wife to my wonderful husband 06_98
    Breastfeeding, Sling Wearing, Co-sleeping, Cloth Diapering Mom to my Intact Boys
    DS #1 - 02_02 BF'ed for 9 Months and
    DS #2 - 10_06 Currently BF'ed 22 Months and still going.

  8. #18
    Join Date
    Jun 2008
    Posts
    41

    Default Re: Family Criticism

    My MIL was the same as yours, with comments about it being disgusting to nurse toddlers or to tandem nurse. She also wanted to bottle feed LO. I think being around her first grandchild triggered all those fierce maternal feelings and she wanted as big a hand in all the parenting decisions as she had with DH. Now LO is 13 months, totally healthy and doing just fine in all respects, so I don't get the same overwhelming level of advice as MIL used to give.

    When she would go off on a rant, I'd just listen and just go uh-huh, uh-huh and keep it cool. It's tough for MILs. They don't have the same bond with their DIL as they would with a daughter, so they can feel like they're being left out or overlooked when it comes to parenting advice. After a while, when the LO is older and they're both crazy about each other, things mellow out a lot.

    Happy nursing!!!

  9. #19
    Join Date
    Nov 2008
    Posts
    34

    Default Re: Family Criticism

    oh hun its sad but true so many people dont agree with it my mil said your not going to do it past 1 year, i said of course i am im just going to do it until shes ready, we also get the same thing with co sleeping my nans really proud that im doing it all she said it wasnt really talked about back in her day they just gave her an injection which dried up her milk.
    a the end of the day you can listen to advice but you dont have to use it

  10. #20
    Join Date
    Aug 2007
    Posts
    412

    Default Re: Family Criticism

    I would absolutely agree with the comments from PPs that indicate that in time your MIL and family might come along in their thinking. When my son was a newborn my parents made it very clear that they were not terribly comfortable with breastfeeding beyond 6 months, and that beyond a year was totally crazy. Now my son is 18 months and still nursing, with definately no end in sight! He has been EXTREMELY resistant to eating any sorts of solid foods, even purees, and since my parents sit him once per week they have seen this first hand. Many days he refuses anything other than breastmilk or yogurt. So certainly this truth has helped them to see that my breastfeeding of my son is providing him nutrition, since despite his refusal of other food sources he is still growing and developing normally. Sometimes my dad will say "so are you going to breastfeed him until he is 10?" in a joking manner and I know that half of this is just my dad's normal joking, but I think half of it is also his way of dealing with his remaining concerns. I don't let it get to me, I just quip back "yup!!! Until he is 10!"
    There is NO DOUBT that extended breastfeeding of a child provides additional benefits. Science backs that fact up. The world health organization recommends at least 2 years of breastfeeding, and the worldwide average age of weaning is 4. personally I am incredibly proud that I am still nursing at 18 months - and this despite the fact that I work full time outside of my home. While I don't shove it in peoples faces and oftentimes I will seek a private location in which to nurse, I am happy to tell people that I still nurse my son if it comes up in normal conversation.
    Kudos to you mama for nursing your newborn, and please don't let your MIL discourage you from doing what is best for your baby!

    Julie

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