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Thread: Family Criticism

  1. #1
    Join Date
    Jan 2009
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    Toronto, Ontario, Canada
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    Default Family Criticism

    So far i've only been BFing for 3 weeks but i'm planning on continuing (if everything works out) until DD is at least one if not longer. Now my inlaws don't know this but we were all talking one evening and my MIL got on this rant about how its perverted and disgusting to see babies over 6 months BFing. I kept quiet but now i'm feeling really uncomfortable about my decision, to the point of actually second guessing whether this is actually going to be a good idea. Has anyone dealt with these kind of criticisms?

  2. #2
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    Nov 2008
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    Default Re: Family Criticism

    Comments like that come from ignorance. You have time to teach her to think differently. Give her some readings from the World Health Organization regarding their breast feeding guidelines. Include her on your (hopefully BF Friendly) pediatrician's recommendations. Once she sees how wonderfully LO is doing and growing, she'll change her tune.
    Mommy to our DD1 early bird (34 weeks, 2 days, 7lbs, 14oz)! Oct. 2nd, 2008 Emergency C-Section, Frank Breech, HEALTHY Girl!
    Weaned @ 17 months
    Our DD2 early bird (37 weeks, 3 days, 7lbs, 12oz) Aug. 10th, 2010 Our Successful VBAC, growing like a bad weed!
    Weaned @ 15 months
    Our DD3 early bird (37 weeks, 3 days, 7lbs, 6oz) Feb. 16th, 2012 Our 2nd VBAC and lightening speedy birth!

    Loving being a Mom of 3, 40 months apart!!
    and

  3. #3
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    Dec 2006
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    Texas
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    Default Re: Family Criticism

    I imagine your MIL is from the same era as mine when formula was touted as being superior to bm. MIL made a few comments, none as outrageously insulting as the ones yours seemed to have made. I just ignored it and told DH about them. (I'm lucky. I get along great with MIL, so I tried to not let it get to me. I don't think she meant to be rude.) With each milestone that DD made, we said it was the good milk that was making her so smart. That actually started working in our favor. MIL got on the boat!

    With DS, he'll be one in a little over a week and we are still bf'ing. At Christmas he got fussy and I fed him a bit, wondering what MIL would say. To my surprise she said, "Oh good! He got a good little snack and now he's happy again. Let's play!" She is very positive about it all now. She was just naive.

    I hope you can get things going well with your MIL. If it were me, I'd have DH ask her if she truly felt that way because your intentions are for the best for your LO. Maybe you can help your MIL learn more about bf'ing benefits if she's willing to hear them.

    And if you want to bf past 6 months, by all means do it for your baby. You won't regret a moment of that experience. You only get one chance with each kid and time flies so quickly. Your MIL will get over it.
    Our blessings from God!
    Kylee was born September, 2006 - 9 lbs. 12 1/2 oz, 21 inches long.
    Kiefer was born January, 2008 - 6 lbs. 14 oz, 19 1/2 inches long.
    He was diagnosed with a severe peanut allergy at 12 1/2 months old. Others later discovered.
    And I am even more blessed by being married to my best friend and the most honorable man I've ever known.

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  4. #4
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    Feb 2008
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    Default Re: Family Criticism

    Yes this is very common sadly. Bottom line is your baby your choice. If you want to do 6 months I think you will find the relationship you have with LO very happy and rewarding and will likely be motivated to continue. Toddler nursing is ofter critized but it's so sweet, funny, healthy and dare I say...NORMAL (throughout the world )
    Mommy to Maxwell 10-9-07 weaned with love (a party and a remote control monster truck) on his 4th birthday
    My Boy 3-16-10
    And my sweet pea Sam 2-12-11

    Watch Your Language

  5. #5
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    Feb 2008
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    Default Re: Family Criticism

    Oh yeah, one other thought; the very idea that someone would suggest that I'm getting some sort of sexual gratification out of nursing a toddler is SICK and wrong...and has never seen the great gymnastic moves Max does while nursing, funny but not fun!
    Mommy to Maxwell 10-9-07 weaned with love (a party and a remote control monster truck) on his 4th birthday
    My Boy 3-16-10
    And my sweet pea Sam 2-12-11

    Watch Your Language

  6. #6
    Join Date
    Jan 2008
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    Default Re: Family Criticism

    I can really relate to how you are feeling, though it wasn't as blatent, I got the feeling when DD was around 8MO from one or two family members that they felt that was about long enough...started making little comments here and there and wanting to give her juice in a bottle before she was a year old. I was able to just ignore it and I did find that around a year I started feeling more embarrassed about it, but since then I was really surprised at the positive comments I got from other family members, my mom is very supportive and thinks it's flat out hilarious when DD starts trying to pull my shirt off, and I've also come to realize that there are other moms I know who are still nursing their toddlers (aside from all my LLL friends here). So, all that to say, give yourself time to become comfortable with your decision and every day that you nurse past six months will become easier and easier for you to deal with your MIL, you will become stronger in your decision and you won't regret it!!


    Jeanne (my middle name IRL)


    Mommy to two girls (M & M), born Sept. '07 and Sept. '09

  7. #7
    Join Date
    Dec 2008
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    47

    Default Re: Family Criticism

    It's funny, I got weird reactions from my father-in-law, but I think for him it came more from frustration that there was something I could do to easily appease, feed, calm down my LO that he couldn't!
    As my daughter got older I would leave the room to nurse her, not because I was ashamed but more to avoid some peoples discomfort. As she became even older we wouldn't BF at other people's houses...

    It's easy for your m-i-l to say now, but I'm guessing she'll be more supportive as your child grows.
    :-)

  8. #8
    Join Date
    Feb 2007
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    Default Re: Family Criticism

    Quote Originally Posted by @llli*jeannie.bean View Post
    I've also come to realize that there are other moms I know who are still nursing their toddlers (aside from all my LLL friends here).
    This is a good point. A lot of moms out there keep nursing well past a year, but you don't know it because they are being discrete because of the criticism. Not that you should necessarily go this route, but just to point out that you're probably not as alone as you think. Having someone you know and trust who nursed for a longer period goes a long way toward feeling comfortable when some people are criticizing (almost always due to ignorance).

  9. #9
    Join Date
    May 2006
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    Default Re: Family Criticism

    Don't second guess yourself. The American Academy of Pediatrics recommends nursing to 1 year, and the World Health Organization recommends nursing to 2. I think they are probably a more reliable resource on infant feeding than your MIL!

    I think the two best things you can do right now are to gather your information, and to get your husband on board with your nursing plans. He may be able to confront your MIL a little more easily than you can- after all, he probably confronted her a LOT when he was a teenager, so he's got practice.
    Coolest thing my big girl said recently: "How can you tell the world is moving when you are standing on it?"
    Coolest thing my little girl sang recently: "I love dat one-two pupples!"

  10. #10
    Join Date
    May 2007
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    Default Re: Family Criticism

    Quote Originally Posted by @llli*kalynasmom View Post
    So far i've only been BFing for 3 weeks but i'm planning on continuing (if everything works out) until DD is at least one if not longer. Now my inlaws don't know this but we were all talking one evening and my MIL got on this rant about how its perverted and disgusting to see babies over 6 months BFing. I kept quiet but now i'm feeling really uncomfortable about my decision, to the point of actually second guessing whether this is actually going to be a good idea. Has anyone dealt with these kind of criticisms?
    My MIL was/is the same way. She never understood or supported breastfeeding and at the beginning was pretty darn rude like your inlaws. However, as my son grew nice and healthy and I continued to nurse despite her comments she eventually stopped making them. Although it became pretty much a 'non-topic' between the two of us I think she down deep knows it's the best for my son.

    I take it this way. Women and families who are against breastfeeding either (1) are simply jealous because they failed themselves at trying to breastfeed their own children or (2) haven't been exposed to it before and it's a new thing. So I try and be empathetic to these people and don't rub it in their face, but still go about my own business on feeding and nursing my own son.

    Congrats on making it 3 weeks, the breastfeeding relationship is an awesome journey.
    Lisa

    Mommy to
    Logan 5-23-07
    Colby 12-14-09

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