Warning, rant ahead
I'm so tired of breast feeding. For 12 weeks we did great - she was growing on track, developing normally if not a bit ahead, and we were both so happy.
Now I've been back to work for almost 2 months and it's just going downhill. I could get 8-9 oz total per day, which was fine for 3 bottles when I was gone. Now for the past few weeks I can only get between 7 and 7.5 total - in 3 pumping sessions. Obviously not enough. So I've had to add a little from our frozen stash every day. I don't know what's wrong, NOTHING is different, I use a hospital grade pump, it just doesn't make sense. We've even been nursing like crazy when I'm home with her (3 days a week in a row) and it doesn't seem to help my supply at all. Typical - nothing I do helps at all.
Every time my child fusses I swear my care provider (my mom) thinks it's because she's hungry. So she's pressuring me to start solids (I really want to wait until 6 months). My pedi I know will suggest supplementation too as she's not growing quite as much as she should be, but she's not far off (she's small to begin with, 12 lbs 9 oz at 4 mos), even though she's got enough wet dipes and sleeps just fine. I know DH will hear this and want to do it no matter how much I suggest he get online and read why waiting is good. And I had to hear from MIL last weekend how rice cereal really helps them at this age - it 'coats their bellies' and makes them sleep longer (which I know is crap but you can't tell experienced mothers this).
I'm sick of the looks and comments I get when I explain that she eats A LOT, sometimes every hour and a half. IT'S NORMAL! No, she doesn't sleep through the night. She wakes up once. IT'S NORMAL!
I worry all the time about not providing enough for her, and her not getting enough with me. My gut says she's getting enough, but even the tiniest thought that she's not horrifies me.
I'm just plain tired. No one seems to appreciate what I'm doing for her (DH or my parents or my in-laws or anyone for that matter), and a lot of times I feel so alone. I know DH doesn't mean it, but a bit of gratitude every once in a while would be nice.
Thanks for reading. I do feel a little better.