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Thread: I don't want to go back to work - but we can't afford it! HELP!

  1. #1

    Post Lots of anxiety about going back to work in February - Help!

    I am currently BF'ing my 1 month old son and my DH and I talked about me returning to work in Feb (12 weeks off). BF'ing is going very well (yay!!) and I keep reading all these stories on here about babies changing their routines for caregivers and daycare providers!! When I return to work, it will be 7:00 - 4:00 and we will have to leave the house at 6:15 a.m. to get him to daycare. I am soooo not looking forward to this. Here's a little more about my family:

    - 4 kids - 14, 12, 7 and 1 month.
    - Married to DH for 4 months (he has 14 and 12 yo boys and I have 7 yo boy)
    - This is our first child together
    - 14, 12, and 7 YO are with us 50% of the time

    My DH has 2 kids, but he's been out of practice for a while. He totally admits it, but is also a little more hands off than I'd like him to be. We've each had a colicky baby, but thankfully our 1 month old son is NOT colicky! Still, when baby cries, DH gets frustrated. When all the kids are home, it's NUTS ... total craziness because we are still newlyweds and newly trying to blend all the things about being a family! Before the baby it was a little more manageable, but when you are occupied, you realize that the older kids need just as much attention (just different) than the younger ones!!

    I want to keep BF'ing, I only nursed my 7 YO for a couple months ... it did not go well and I was only 19. I love it and feel like I am giving my son the best start in life! I also don't want him to go to daycare ... I just can't imagine him getting sick from the other kids, being up all night, refusing a bottle at daycare ... all the other stressful things that can come with that change!

    I currently give him 1 - 2 BM bottles a day. He is on and off about taking them, but for the most part does. I have started freezing extra milk and plan to try and pump when I am at work. I am using a Medela Harmony manual pump now. It works GREAT, love it! Is double electric pump really worth it for returning to work?

    My DH makes a little more than me, but with child support, we take home the same. Anyone else quit full-time to stay at home and had to make big financial changes? Are there any resources for mom's who stay home to learn how to make cuts and balance the budget to make it work? Any other forums you can recommend for SAHM's on how they make it work?

    I am so stressed about having to wean my LO off of nursing all day (he will have to be at daycare from 6:30 - 4:30 every day!) and dealing with working full-time and four kids! And the fact that my DH and are still newlyweds now our life is like a tornado!

    Ok so this is totally a rant ... but I am sure some of you understand. Thanks for letting me vent!!

    -Busy Mom of 4 kids!
    Last edited by @llli*busymom; December 19th, 2008 at 08:15 PM.

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Jan 2006

    Default Re: I don't want to go back to work - but we can't afford it! HELP!

    have you thought about doing day care in your home?
    I did that for years when I just had 2 children.
    you can set the hours and maybe just keeping a child or 2 would make up the $$$ you need to make your budjet.

    Is your 7 year old in school?

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Feb 2008

    Default Re: I don't want to go back to work - but we can't afford it! HELP!

    I know it seems like a short amount of time, but a lot can change in your lo's nursing habits and frequency between now and February.
    Do you have a budget that you use now?
    If not start by tracking all spending, writing everything down can help you see where things can be cut out.
    Proud mom of 2 boys, both weaned gradually and with love.

    Find a local LLL leader

    For each and every one of us, the person from whom we can learn the most is our own baby: listen to him. - Mary White, LLL co-founder

    The best-kept secret in child psychology is that children who were never spanked are among the best behaved."
    Murray Straus, Ph.D.

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Mar 2006

    Default Re: I don't want to go back to work - but we can't afford it! HELP!

    I think it's great that you are examining all of your choices. Good for you! The transition back to work is an extremely emotional time, but it can be done. It sounds like you have a pump that you like, and that baby takes a bottle, and those things are common challenges. Congrats on achieving success with both of those!

    This is just a note of encouragement that whatever you decide, it will work out. Being home with baby would be great, but financially might be hard. I was in that same situation because DH is a teacher and I'm the breadwinner for the family, so I had to go back. Set some expectations with yourself and give yourself permission to be frustrated, tired, and maybe a little sad during the transition period.

    I came back to work after 9 weeks and came back at 100% / full time. I missed Evan immensely and worried about him getting sick from daycare kids and all the same things you mentioned. But you know what? He did great! To this day he runs to his daycare lady each morning and gives her a big hug. Know that transitions are hard but the difficulty passes.

    Most importantly, take care of yourself and keep talking with friends, even LLL friends. Support will get you through it, no matter what the outcome!
    Mommy to William, 4/29/09, 7 lbs 13 oz, 21 inches.
    Mommy to Evan, 3/18/06. 7 lbs 3 oz, 21 1/4 inches.
    Nursed both boys to 14 months
    Birth Doula


  5. #5
    Join Date
    Jul 2008

    Default Re: I don't want to go back to work - but we can't afford it! HELP!

    My DH took a year off to stay home with our LO. We live in So Cal and had just bought a house before we found out I was PG...it was definitely a sacrifice but we made it work.

    Now DH just went back to work, and I am still working, and we found that our best option is to have an in home nanny. Neither one of us wanted him to go to daycare either. We only have to do it part time. Is that an option for you as well? Could you go p/t and then have a nanny p/t?
    I'm Hillary
    Wife to Gualberto
    Mom to Nolan
    Born at 32 weeks-3lbs/10oz
    Our precious early angel

  6. #6
    Join Date
    Aug 2008
    Winnipeg, MB, CANADA

    Default Re: I don't want to go back to work - but we can't afford it! HELP!

    There is a book you may want to check out. It is called "Strategies for Stay-at-Home parents" and it has lots of ideas for budgeting and making ends meet. It also talks about getting the support you need, and dealing with any isolation you might face as a SAHM. Even though I ended up deciding to go back to work part time when my son was 10.5 months, I still really appreciated a lot of what I read in this book and would definitely recommend it. I found it at the public library.

    Nursing DS since 12/07. Always voraciously on all mothering-related topics. Switched to cloth when DS was 13 months, and haven't looked back.

  7. #7

    Default Re: I don't want to go back to work - but we can't afford it! HELP!

    I quit my job as a teacher to be home with my son. I took a year off, and then went back this year until November when I decided that I couldn't do it anymore. I wanted/needed to be with my LO. He is only little for this small amount of time. Now I understand that as a teacher we weren't giving up that much money, but we do have to sacrifice. To help offset the cost, I tutor one day a week and send my son to his grandmother's house. I don't know what you do for a living, but can you use your skills to work part time? I was surprised that tutoring 8 kids one day a week would equal half of my monthly salary!

    Good luck with whatever you decide to do. Just remember to enjoy every moment that you have with you LO. Stressing over the future can fog the present!
    Mom to Noah 05/18/07 and Nina my 8 year old fur baby (maltese)

    exclusively for 14 months until my son self-weaned.

    Formerly nina&noah, took a break after the forum upgrade. Couldn't get back to my old account and lost all my post count! Came back to talk to other moms and hopefully help!

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