Happy Mothers Breastfed Babies
Page 1 of 2 12 LastLast
Results 1 to 10 of 14

Thread: Need encouragement

  1. #1
    Join Date
    Feb 2006
    Posts
    317

    Unhappy Need encouragement

    I went ot my local LLL meeting last night hoping to find encouragement to keep nursing DD until my long term goal of 3 years but was instead told, by the LLL leader that I needed to be more realistic and that I may have to stop before then. When I left the meeting I cried all the way home and as I put my LOs to bed. I'm not sure who to turn to now, LLL was my main line of BFing support, but after that (and a very rude comment she made about my sister pumping to provide my DD and the local milk bank with breastmilk) I am starting to no longer want to be associated with LLL. DD is turning a year old next week, and she LOVES to nurse (granted her nursing pattern can get irritating) but I have supply problems due to have gone back to work @ 6 weeks PP and only being able to pump during the day instead of nursing her. I was expecting to get support or words of encouragement, but instead was told that DD may decide on her own to stop nursing, which had nothing to do with my concern of being able to continue pumping enough during the day to keep my supply for her. I tear up just thinking about what she said to me and can't help but wonder how in the heck she is allowed to be a leader?
    Amanda Mom to James (2/25/04) and nursling Alice (8/24/05)

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Feb 2006
    Posts
    526

    Default Re: Need encouragement

    Amanda,
    First, let me say you're children are cutie pies!
    Anyway, I'm sorry that you had that experience...I would have never expected anything like that from a leader. To play devil's advocate for a minute...maybe she was cranky and having a bad day. That's not to excuse what she said, but everyone is human. Even if your DD does wean herself before 3, that's no reason to squelch your hopes of bf'ing till then. I thought my DS #1 would have nursed way longer than he did. He stopped at 2 1/2, all by himself, and there was no getting him to change his mind.
    I suggest you do 1 of 3 things. 1-call her on the phone and in a non-confrontational way, let her know that you were suprised/hurt by her comments to you, and you want to continue to come to meetings for the support. 2-find another LLL group nearby. 3-Let someone from LLLI know. I'm not sure how they monitor the leaders, but if someone is not properly facilitating a meeting, SOMEONE should know about it. The meeting is really for the benefit of those attending....the leaders are there to facilitate, and advise based upon LLL standards.
    Now, about your pumping...
    I went back to work when ds was 8 weeks. I was able to pumb 2x/day while at work, and nursed on demand while at home. There were times when what I had pumped at work was not enough to get ds through the next day. Sometimes I found I had to get up in the middle of the night to pump a few extra ounces, or get up earlier to pump. It was very hard because ds was nursing a LOT while I was home, so I felt like I never had time to pump. Anyway I did resort to sending a little formula from time to time which I NEVER thought I would EVER do! I felt like it was that, or my sanity. I have 2 other kids and a husband to take care of too, and sometimes I had to selfishly opt for sleep other than pumping at 2 am.
    You have to do what works for you. Taking something to up your supply might be all you need to get lots of milk when pumping.
    Keep me posted!
    Jill
    Wife to Steven, mom to ds Noah (11), ds Oliver (4), dss Peter (11), Linus (2), and 2 in heaven.

    Buy Eco-friendly Handmade at GaGa Bum
    Blogaholic ~ SERENITY NOW!

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Jun 2006
    Location
    COUGARTOWN Baby! From here on in!
    Posts
    17,439

    Default Re: Need encouragement

    Amanda,
    I too am very sorry that you had that experience. I don't know how LLL is centralized or who is ultimately in charge, but perhpas some of the Moderators here could help you figure that out and then you could write a letter? I find letter writing to always be a more composed way of getting my point across. i tend to get emotional when I speak.
    I just wanted to say that you already have accomplished so much as you've been pumping and meeting your child's needs for a year!!! Keep doing what your doing for as long as it keeps working for you and your baby and know that you still have a support system here on line. (((Hugs))).

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Feb 2006
    Posts
    110

    Default Re: Need encouragement

    Nothing hugely inspirational to say but wanted to offer ((((hugs)))) I pumped for my first, and MAN its HARD HARD work, and I was home, I cant imagine doing it while working...Your a wonderful mom with two beautiful children....

  5. #5
    Join Date
    Jan 2006
    Posts
    18,063

    Default Re: Need encouragement

    its not up to anybody else how long you nurse your baby! It's between baby and mom. Shame on her for telling you that. Maybe she just doesn't know anybody that has nursed that long.
    Is that the 1st meeting you went to? Many groups have more then one leader. Maybe you just got off on the wrong foot. Sometimes that happens.
    I think its grand you have a goal of 3 years.

  6. #6
    Join Date
    Jan 2006
    Posts
    1,551

    Default Re: Need encouragement

    Hi amandalynn,
    This experience you had with a local Leader is very upsetting and disappointing for you! You feel betrayed by what this Leader said to you. It sounds like you were hoping to get support for your current pumping and supply concerns but instead it got turned into a question of how long your DD may nurse overall.
    You say that she nurses fine when you are together but you are having a hard time keeping up with her needs while she's away and you are having to supplement with other milk.
    In theory, it's true that your DD may decide to stop nursing at any age from now. But it's not likely to happen suddenly if she is nursing fine right now. If she makes a sudden stop and seems unhappy then it's likely a nursing strike, not an indication of readiness to wean.
    Maybe the Leader was trying to reference LLL's position that ideally the child will nurse until he/she outgrows the need, but doesn't specify a time-frame or certain age for weaning.
    It may be encouraging for you to talk to other mothers (maybe even here online) who have continued to nurse when they are together but are able to give up pumping during the day once their little ones are older and taking other foods/drinks.
    I'm not sure how this Leader said what she did, but you can find out more about what LLL has to say about sharing milk here or here. This can be a sensitive issue and, as one of the articles says, Leaders themselves may have widely different reactions to milk sharing or cross-nursing.
    Maybe, as the PP said, this Leader was having an off-day. I think we all try our best to keep any personal biases we might have out of our responses, but I'm sure sometimes we are more successful than others. (I know I've put my foot in my mouth at meetings before, or gone home wising I'd said something differently to a mother!)
    I hope this helps a little. Is there another Leader in the Group, or another Group nearby where you could give LLL another chance?

    Warmly,
    Mary
    Last edited by @llli*LLLMaryP; August 18th, 2006 at 12:28 PM.

  7. #7
    Join Date
    Aug 2006
    Posts
    107

    Default Re: Need encouragement

    I just want to add that I have been very disappointed by a few comments I have heard by a few different LLL leaders. But I will say that the organization as a whole is supportive and there are always going to be a handful of people in any organization (especially one this large) that are going to be less than optimal. Please don't give up on LLL. I think confronting that leader is a good idea if you feel comfortable with it. If not, then try to find another leader in your area who you feel comfortable with. And there is always this LLL forum. Please don't give up. I am nursing my 40 month old and I too feel alone most of the time as most people I know don't nurse their kids this long. But we are out there. And we are here for support.

    -Lauren

  8. #8
    Join Date
    Jun 2006
    Posts
    893

    Default Re: Need encouragement

    You know I am always here to support u!!!!



    Marcie
    Mom of Madeline

  9. #9
    Join Date
    Aug 2006
    Posts
    28

    Red face Re: Need encouragement

    Hey there! I just read what happened to you at you lll meeting and I want you to know that I would have been hurt too. I too have this deep desire to bf until my baby turns 3 yrs of age. I am amazed at your determination and perseverance in the face of adversity where your milk supply is concerned. It is so hard to bf as LO get older and grow into toddlerhood because there just seems to be so much negativity in todays society towards doing so. You do what is best for you and your child and don't let anyone get in the way of that. It sounds like your doing great so keep going. This forum has been a wonderful support system for me and my breastfed toddler and I know it will be for you too. God bless and keep holding on.

  10. #10
    Join Date
    Feb 2006
    Posts
    317

    Default Re: Need encouragement

    Normally the meeting is run by a different leader, who is really sweet and very supportive but also recently had a baby which is why she wasn't at the last meeting. I could understand if this particular leader had a problem with milk sharing or was having an off day, but what she said about my sister falls in the realm of just making mean derogatory comments behind her back. Another member asked about me using my sister's milk (who BTW, though it was great) and the leader laughed and said to the other member that my sister was "one of those cow women". She had also made fun of my sister at her first LLL meeting because she was pumping to build a freezer supply in case something went wrong with their nursing relationship. Luckily this was not my first meeting so I know how supportive other members/leaders can be. Hopefully she doesn't pubicly make comments like that while representing LLL, as it would easily turn women away who could really benefit from the support. I decided for myself, that at future meetings I will simply leave if she is the one running things. I was very shocked and hurt by her negativity towards me for having a long term goal (I still don't see how 3 years is unreasonable) but was appauled by her childish name-calling of my sister for no apparent reason other than to just simply be nasty. Maybe someone could direct me to where I could submitt a letter regarding her actions, as I am certain LLL must have some sort of guidelines for their leaders' behavior.
    Amanda Mom to James (2/25/04) and nursling Alice (8/24/05)

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •