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Thread: Feeling A Little Trapped....

  1. #11
    Join Date
    Oct 2006
    Location
    Idaho
    Posts
    3,787

    Default Re: Feeling A Little Trapped....

    I talked to my DH about this last night because I started thinking about it and wondered his point of view.. He did feel like there was nothing for him to do and when I started nursing our Lo at night then had him rock her to sleep and put her to bed ( which he still does it is his daddy thing now) it was so great for him because he felt like he had a role.. He said I tend to be a little over bearing sometimes and have to do it all myself.. ( i know i do) so he never offered unless I asked.. so I told him with baby three coming soon just do it honey.. so we will see how it goes..
    Allie
    Wife to T
    Mother to 4 crazy ones

  2. #12

    Question Re: Feeling A Little Trapped....

    It's nice to know I'm not alone on this topic. I'm already feeling a little trapped and my new baby girl is only a week old today. I have a 15 yo of my own and 2 step children ages 6 and 5 so I'm busy as it is. BF'ing is not going as well as I'd hoped so that is stiring up some emotions (I spend half the night crying with a crying baby). She's also kinda finicky and doesn't like to be put down so doing any chores around the house is difficult and it's hard to focus when my newborn is screaming the whole time. BTW, anyone have any suggestions on how long I should let her cry before picking her up? My mom is giving me the guilt trip "u know ur training her to be held all the time!" but I'm like "she's just a week old!" I DK. It would be nice to have free hands, curently the only time I get stuff done is if she's in the swaddler/carrier. My hubby's job doesn't allow him to be home much unfortunately (he's a Capt in the Army) and he works 5 or 6 days a week 10 hour days. Today I called him crying telling him to just come home early because "I need his help." It's a bit overwhelming with a full house and would be SO nice to get some time to myself. Thank goodness my 15 yo is as awesome as they come. He's really stepped up to the plate to help. He's cleaned, cooked and watched the other kids AND holds his baby sister so I can take a shower. I was looking forward to a week alone with the baby but we had a snowstorm and the kids have been out of school ALL week. It's comforting and makes me feel a little better just reading everyone elses comments. Thanks!

  3. #13
    Join Date
    Dec 2008
    Posts
    806

    Default Re: Feeling A Little Trapped....

    Quote Originally Posted by @llli*mommal View Post
    I think the best thing you can do in your situation is communicate, communicate, communicate.
    exactly. you have to speak up, even if it may feel to you like he should already know and understand your needs..men do not speak our emotional language for the most part, LOL.. and even if they do, unless you speak up, he can always use the "you never said anything..." line.

    i'm dealing with some feeling trapped issues myself, and i can get snappy with dh if i don't keep my nerve in check. he works 12-hour days, and sometime i feel like he doesn't get that when i'm home with her all day, i'm working a 24-hour day.. i want him to come home, wash his hands, and grab her and relieve me, but all he wants to do is come home, eat, and relax in front of the TV. believe me, i feel like screaming.. LOL

    ahhh, the joys...

  4. #14
    Join Date
    Nov 2008
    Location
    Ontario, Canada
    Posts
    2,476

    Default Re: Feeling A Little Trapped....

    DH and I talked tonight and we've decided on the following:

    Each night, we'll talk to discuss what each of us has planned / would like to achieve the following day. We decided that the night before was better as we're not morning people.

    We'll say what times we anticipate being free, when we don't, how much time we'll need to do whatever, if we'll need each other's help, etc. By knowing what the other has in mind, we'll be well aware of each other's needs and hopefully, getting it all done.

    We've both had some frustrations while adjusting to being parents. It's nice that we can talk about it like adults and do our best to accommodate each other.
    Mommy to our DD1 early bird (34 weeks, 2 days, 7lbs, 14oz)! Oct. 2nd, 2008 Emergency C-Section, Frank Breech, HEALTHY Girl!
    Weaned @ 17 months
    Our DD2 early bird (37 weeks, 3 days, 7lbs, 12oz) Aug. 10th, 2010 Our Successful VBAC, growing like a bad weed!
    Weaned @ 15 months
    Our DD3 early bird (37 weeks, 3 days, 7lbs, 6oz) Feb. 16th, 2012 Our 2nd VBAC and lightening speedy birth!

    Loving being a Mom of 3, 40 months apart!!
    and

  5. #15

    Default Re: Feeling A Little Trapped....

    Since the OP has resolved her Q, I'll take a sec to respond to this. Hope that's ok.

    Quote Originally Posted by @llli*durhamgrrl View Post
    I know that this is usually true but I still think that it is baloney. Men do this because they are allowed to (it starts in childhood so we boy moms should watch ourselves). Yes there are biological gender differences but we can be socialized out of those. Personally I think my DH is unobservant and self centered and likes to make me ask because then he can go on about me being demanding. That being said I love him dearly and he is a fantastic dad but I think something is going to have to give. I am really hungry - didn't you say you were going to cook (at 9pm after discussing dinner all day)? is clear enough for a moron
    First of all, I do think it's a good idea to teach our sons about how we women think, and to give them all the wisdom we can about what women mean in different situations.

    I don't think though, that you can socialize a person out of an actual biological difference in the way their brain works and thinks and perceives things. This isn't only a gender issue. Alot of women can't correctly assume what others want without being told either. It's really common in men though.

    I don't get why it's a big deal though, for us as women, to take the time to be clear and verbally communicate what we are actually needing to our husbands without hinting and beating around the bush though. If our men would rather us be clear and ask outright, what's wrong with that? Why do we feel they should practice thinking like us and work at trying to decipher what we meant when we hinted about what we really wanted?

    Personally I think my DH is unobservant and self centered and likes to make me ask because then he can go on about me being demanding.
    Maybe he is...I've never met him. That being said though, is he unobservant? or is he just refusing to play the game of guessing what your hints mean and hoping he gets it right? Some men do one or the other or a combination of the 2. Sometimes there's option #3 too, where we feel they should be constantly observing us to see if there's anything they think we need that we're not telling them about, and really in their brains, they're just replaying over the last battle with Anakin and Obi Wan from Ep. 3 of Star Wars in their heads and can't "see" anything other than that at the moment.

  6. #16
    Join Date
    Aug 2008
    Posts
    570

    Default Re: Feeling A Little Trapped....

    Quote Originally Posted by @llli*arrowheadgirl View Post
    BTW, anyone have any suggestions on how long I should let her cry before picking her up? My mom is giving me the guilt trip "u know ur training her to be held all the time!" but I'm like "she's just a week old!" I DK.
    When she cries, pick her up. From everything I've read you shouldn't let them cry at her age. They cry enough as it is for the first 12 weeks! Please post if you have BF problems, the mama's here are great and can help you a lot.
    DD (7/23/08) self weaned at 17 months
    DS (6/20/10) nursing like a champ

  7. #17
    Join Date
    Aug 2008
    Posts
    77

    Default Re: Feeling A Little Trapped....

    I didnt' read all other post but I just tell my DH way in advance what my plans are and out the door I go them minute I'm done nursing. I bring my phone if there is any problems but try to be back in 2 1/2 -3hours. Good Luck and don't feel guilty for leaving baby with daddy-Its his kid too He He Good Luck

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