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Thread: Mixed Emotions (long vent!!)

  1. #1
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    Jun 2008
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    Default Mixed Emotions (long vent!!)

    I am having a lot of mixed feelings about nursing these days. I have a really needy baby. She's 8 (almost 9) months. Nurses about 5ish times a day on average and ALL night. She's up every 1-2 hours at night. We have a lot of sleep problems (if you frequent the sleep threads I am sure you know this!). In terms of solids up until about 3 days ago she ate 1/3 a jar of fruit for breakfast, half a jar of veggie, supper she ate 1/2 jar of veggie and sometimes 1/3-1/2 jar of fruit. (so total 1 - 1.5 small jars a day). I give her finger foods here and there and she LOVES self feeding. She is just a super active child and gets bored after eating like 5 cheerios or 7 peas... (i.e. she doesn't get much into her belly). Three days ago she decided she's done with purees and wants only finger foods - which would be fine with me, if she'd actually EAT more finger foods. I know up until 12 months breastmilk is where they get their nutrients, but if she's nursing 8-10 times a night, I want to make sure it's not cus she's hungry before I stop nursing her. I've tried adding more nursing sessions during the day but she's just not interested. She nurses to sleep usually. The other day she was sleepy, but not asking to nurse yet. I deparately wanted the wash to finish (there were 5 min left) so I could throw the stuff in teh dryer before sitting down to nurse her to sleep (and thus go to bed right away and not have to worry aout puttin gthe stuff in the dryer or forgetting and having stinky wet clothes the next day). Anyway DD nestled her head down onto my shoulder and cuddled. So I walked and rocked her to sleep and I realized that I enjoyed that sooo much more than nursing her. I think I am beginning to resent nursing!! I know it's not the fact that I bf that makes her so clingy to me (I have to bring her to the bathroom with me when I pee or she screams bloody murder) or that she doesn't sleep at night. But I think I am blaming it anyway. It's starting to really get to me that she is so glued to my breasts. I want to nurse her until 1 year. We really only have a few months to go. But it feels so far away!! I can't even really consider it earlier because she got formula on two separate occasions a little over a month a go and vomitted severely afterward. I haven't talked with her Ped yet about it because it is ridculously hard to get through when you call (I've tried 4 ish times) and now we're busy with holidays. So it'll end up waiting until the end of Jan when she has her next check up before I can talk to him about it. I'm not keen on the idea of experimenting by randomly trying out different forumlas to see which ones don't make the poor baby puke. So at this age with no formula option I CAN'T wean even if I decided to. I love that I'm giving her the best with my milk. I love the idea of nursing. Right now I am just not loving nursing. I'm not loving tha my nearly 9 month old is still on my breasts 15 times a day (24hrs)!! I'm not enjoying that she feels like she needs to wrap her fingers in my hair and pull as she nurses (and screams if I don't let her). I want to make it to 12 months. I don't even think I'd now HOW to wean if I chose to. But I'm so tired of having a baby attached to my boob 24-7. I can't wear a sling, the weight hurts and DD hates it. I sold the one I had. Did I mention that she still hasn't set a schedule? Everyone tells me to feed on demand and that eventually babies end up on their own schedule. There's no schedule. Everything is random. I've tried implementing one. But how to you nurse a baby to sleep when they don't want to nurse and they don't want to sleep? Ugh!
    Amanda
    Formerly: baby-blue-eyes

    Canadian Mum to Naomi Born 03/17/08 and has a dairy allergy we are hoping she will outgrow. Nursed for 1 year
    And Gavin Born 01/13/10. 22 months, still nursing and already determined to find every possible way of giving me a heart attack with his dare devilishness

  2. #2
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    Default Re: Mixed Emotions (long vent!!)

    mama!
    Student aspiring to be a Chiropractor and mother to Noah who will be 3 in July and Olivia who will be 2 in Aug.

  3. #3
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    Default Re: Mixed Emotions (long vent!!)

    Aww mama

    Does she take bottles? Can anyone take her and give her a bottle once in a while? It's hard to have a needy baby, DD is way more high needs then DS was so it's a hard adjustment.

    I know it's not helpful at all but she will grow out of it eventually
    It's IS ok to set boundries with her. If you don't like her pulling your hair while nursing, then don't let her. She might scream but if you are there comforting her then it's not CIO. She can't have her way all the time, that's just not how life works.

    You need to take care of you too, so if things need to change it does not make you a bad mama to change them.

    Amy married to my bestfriend since 10/30/04

    Proud SAHM to DS born 2/17/07 and DD born 9/11/08 Both weaned together 11/2011
    Currently milk, peach, peanut and tree nut free. DD has outgrown her wheat, cheese, egg, garlic, and citrus allergies

  4. #4
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    Default Re: Mixed Emotions (long vent!!)



    we're dealing with similar sleep issues right now as well. I started a thread the other day saying that ds is nursing every 40ish minutes at night and now it's about every hour or so. It's draining. The thought of running away sometimes creeps into my head in the wee hours of the morning I too wonder if he's really hungry or nursing for comfort, and I'm afraid to cut out a nursing session. Ideally, I'd love to get 3 hour blocks of sleep, but right now I'd definitely settle for the 2 hour blocks that I was getting a month ago.

    I'm interested in hearing what others have to say.
    ~Jenn~


    mother of 2 boys!
    08/14/98~~03/20/08

    Birth: 7lbs 12oz, 1 year: 22lbs 11oz
    until he self-weaned 4 days before his third birthday ... still on occasion ... and happily

    ************************************************** ************************************************** *****************
    People need to understand that when they're deciding between breastmilk and formula, they're not deciding between Coke and Pepsi.... They're choosing between a live, pure substance and a dead substance made with the cheapest oils available. ~Chele Marmet

  5. #5
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    Default Re: Mixed Emotions (long vent!!)

    Quote Originally Posted by @llli*baby-blue-eyes View Post
    There's no schedule. Everything is random. I've tried implementing one.
    Oh mama, I feel for you. I have had these same emotions many times. My DS is 12 months and I still feel like I have a newborn sometimes. I know you've tried everything so I'm not even going to offer any advice, and I don't have any anyways. The one piece of advice that I have gotten so many times, and that used to make me want to scream, was "they won't be doing this when they're X years old!" But honestly, that is the ONLY thing that gets me through the next minute and the next hour sometimes. The fact that this chaos absolutely CAN'T last forever. He absolutely cannot be this way when he's three or even two years old. It will end. That does NOT make getting through the next ten minutes any easier at all. But I've long since given up trying to make the next ten minutes any easier. They won't be. I have done everything in my power to try to improve our situation with fussiness and no sleep and nothing has worked. I feel like a failure so much of the time. I literally feel like I'm drowning sometimes. Either that, or I feel like I'm losing my mind. I'm not trying to hijack your thread. I'm just trying to offer support from someone who has been, and is in, your situation. I am in survival mode until he starts to talk so he can tell me what's wrong and what he wants. Hang in there.

  6. #6
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    Oct 2008
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    Default Re: Mixed Emotions (long vent!!)

    Quote Originally Posted by @llli*amy.marie View Post
    Aww mama

    Does she take bottles? Can anyone take her and give her a bottle once in a while? It's hard to have a needy baby, DD is way more high needs then DS was so it's a hard adjustment.

    I know it's not helpful at all but she will grow out of it eventually
    It's IS ok to set boundries with her. If you don't like her pulling your hair while nursing, then don't let her. She might scream but if you are there comforting her then it's not CIO. She can't have her way all the time, that's just not how life works.

    You need to take care of you too, so if things need to change it does not make you a bad mama to change them.
    It is hard to have a needy baby, especially when it is your second child.


    I'm Laura, mamma of 2

    5-27-06

    8-30-08

    We love and

    We have been nursing for over 2 years now!

  7. #7
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    Jun 2008
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    Montreal
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    Default Re: Mixed Emotions (long vent!!)

    Thanks ladies.
    She will take a bottle, however the problem lies in gettin DH to give her the bottle. He's great if I specifically lay out plans. I began volunteering at the children's hospital one evening a week - just to get out of the house. He has no problem with that encourages me, takes care of the baby while I am gone. But when I am home he does nothing. He will play with her here and there for 5-10 min. But unless I specifically ask him to he won't feed her (solids) and even then I have to say use this give her this much, etc. Same with diapers. He'll do it - if I ask and tell him which diaper to use. He won't bathe her (even if I ask - haven't figured this out yet). And everything I ask him to do he won't do beyond. I.E. He'll change her then hand her back to me. Anyway this is a whole other issue. One we are repeatedly working on. I guess this adds to the frustration.

    Does anyone else get bored while nursing? I get so bored! I just want her to finish. My butt gets uncomfy so I shift which wakes her and prolongs everything. I have a hard time getting comfy. Plus now she got two teeth so her latch is strange and it causes me to get irritated (not painful... it just kinda irritates, like a nails on the chalk board thing). I try to relatch her but it doesn't seem to help...
    Amanda
    Formerly: baby-blue-eyes

    Canadian Mum to Naomi Born 03/17/08 and has a dairy allergy we are hoping she will outgrow. Nursed for 1 year
    And Gavin Born 01/13/10. 22 months, still nursing and already determined to find every possible way of giving me a heart attack with his dare devilishness

  8. #8
    Join Date
    Feb 2008
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    SoCal
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    6,467

    Default Re: Mixed Emotions (long vent!!)

    Sorry Mama! I get bored too sometimes too, I have to have everything done or I get antsy. Is there anything to can do to beat it into DH's ead that you really need help and that he should be able to take care of his child? Does he really know the stress you are feeling? Have a heart to heart with him and tell him exactly what you need (he'll never do it unless you spell it out).

    Hang in there!
    Mommy to Maxwell 10-9-07 weaned with love (a party and a remote control monster truck) on his 4th birthday
    My Boy 3-16-10
    And my sweet pea Sam 2-12-11

    Watch Your Language

  9. #9

    Default Re: Mixed Emotions (long vent!!)

    This sounds like what my first dd started at about 9 mo : increasing night feedings, wanting to keep breast in her mouth would wake and fuss every time I moved, didn't want to go to sleep at night--would stay up as long as possible, wake at each excuse, on and on.

    To those of you who say this cant last forever say till 2 or 3 oh, yes they can keep it up and actually sleep less and less at night as they become more in control of their little bodies. The longer I allowed this the worse it got. My dd had bags under her eyes from dragging on such shenanigans for 2months past her first birthday.

    It only got better (and she was much better off during the day) when I moved her crib to her room and began a multi step routine, which ended with nursing and rocking. At first she pitched the worst fits (age 13 months), but after about two weeks she learned to expect the routine in the evening and (a year later) if I am late she tells me. Also at first I went into her room when she woke and gradually weaned her from night nursing as often by nursing only every other time she awoke and rocking and singing and reassuring her that I was there for her, but that my udders needed sleep. At first (age 1) I nursed her for 45 min at bedtime. Now I nurse her 5 min. She used to protest the curtailment at 45 min but she now tells me she wants bed after 5 min or so. She is now 2 and1/2.

    If I had things to do over, I would have weaned her and moved her crib at the first sign of these nighttime habits at 9-10 months when she first started to nurse every hour during the night. At 9 months of age she was not yet able to hold out her temper tantrums that long so that would have been better. Nursing a 3 or even a 6 month old on demand is not the same as nursing a 9 month old on demand or a toddler on demand. You can teach your 9 month old that night time is for sleeping and daytime is for playing and eating and nursing. I wish I had instead of waiting till she was 13 months

  10. #10
    Join Date
    May 2007
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    4,160

    Default Re: Mixed Emotions (long vent!!)

    We hit a big nursing slump at the exact same time, and I remember posting in the weaning section how much I wanted to wean.

    I wish I could offer you some advice about the nighttime parenting stuff, but at that age it's very common for them to be too interested in nursing during the day and making up for it at night. We didn't nightwean until 14 months, and it was when I was also sure he was eating enough daytime solids.

    Are you doing anything to take time out for yourself? It really goes a long way to go for a long walk, get a pedicure/massage, spend time with friends... w/o your LO. Even to just go in the other room and unwind while your DH is watching the baby!!!

    The nursing really does get better. You are at the brink of a zillion milestones with your baby, walking, talking, eating.... that nursing will be weird for a bit. But once you get closer to 12 months it's AWESOME. Visit the 1+ nursing section and read all the cool stories in there, instead of thinking of weaning. The hair pulling will stop, I promise you. And your LO will verbally ask you to nurse and give you the most love back in return this rough patch will be all worth it.

    Hang in there!!!
    Lisa

    Mommy to
    Logan 5-23-07
    Colby 12-14-09

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