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Thread: Perhaps it's a good time? Anyone BTDT?

  1. #1
    Join Date
    Feb 2008
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    Default Perhaps it's a good time? Anyone BTDT?

    I am going away on a business trip this week from Wed to Sat w/out DD (16mos). For months now I've been having a conversation in my head and even here on these boards that has kind of nonchalantly said, "well if she weans ok and if not ok." But now that the trip is quickly approaching I am starting to think much more about it. And I'm wondering if perhaps now is the perfect opportunity to wean her. She'll have 4 full days w/out me during which DH will give her a sippy of EBM at bedtime and once during the night (which is all that she currently nurses for the most part). So why not just continue that when I get home and transition the EBM to water or soy milk when the stash runs out?

    I don't know for sure that I'm ready to wean. And I don't know for sure that she's ready to wean. But I do wonder if I don't take advantage of this opportunity if I'll regret it later and kick myself for not weaning when I "had the chance." I also don't know that I have it in me to do mother led weaning and yet I also don't think I want to wait for her to wean on her own. Doing it while I'm away seems kind of like the "quick like a bandaid" method...less painful for me cause I won't be around to witness it and maybe less painful for DD because she won't have me denying her the boob in person. Is that selfish of me?

    DH and I were away overnight this past Saturday and my mom stayed with DD and offered her a sippy of EBM at night. On Sunday night when it was time for DD to go to bed DH asked if she wanted milk. She signed milk and walked over to him. DH said, I don't have milk, mommy does. She then walked over to the cabinet we keep her sippy's in and she again signed for milk. So, even after just one night she already seemed to understand that she can get milk from something other than mommy. Maybe that's an indication that she's ready to wean?

    I'm rambling. Sorry. I just feel like I need to run this by some mamas who understand. DH and I discussed it but he's of the "whatever you want to do" mindset. And while I appreciate that he is supportive, his not having an opinion either way isn't really helpful to me.

    I guess right now I'm leaning towards not offering when I get back home and if she asks for milk trying to offer a sippy first and then see what happens. If it goes well and w/out tears (from her, not me...I'm sure I'll have tears. I do now just thinking about it) then great. And if there are tears and it's a struggle, I'll take up nursing her again. Does that sound like an ok plan?

    I'd love to hear from anyone who's BTDT...whether you ended up weaning or not.
    I'm Wendi.
    Mom to:
    DD1 7/28/07 for 21 mos and weaned with
    &
    DD2 12/16/09

  2. #2
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    Default Re: Perhaps it's a good time? Anyone BTDT?

    I was away from DD1 for about 4 days when she was 23 months old and she had some ebm in a sippy while I was gone and I pumped every day. I planned to continue nursing her when I returned. The first thing she did when she saw me was ask to nurse.
    So maybe ask yourself how your DD would handle it.
    You could wait and see if she asks when you return.

    Molly

    Loving mama to JP (DS, 1/03 ~ nursed 6 mos), EL (DD1, 9/05 ~ nursed 4 yrs), EJ (DD2, 3/08 ~ nursed 3 yrs 9 mos), and
    JM (DD3, 6/12 ~ currently nursing), all born naturally
    Devoted wife to SAHD P, my hero
    A few of my favorite things that I've discovered on the forum: co-sleeping, baby-wearing, tandem nursing, baby-led solids, cloth diapering, APing, selective vaccination...the list goes on

  3. #3
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    Default Re: Perhaps it's a good time? Anyone BTDT?

    When Kate was 14 months old, i was in a friend's wedding in Baltimore. We decided that I would go on my own, without the family, and use that time to wean. At that time, I knew nothing about 'extended' nursing, and thought that I 'had' to wean her. They are supposed to be on cow's milk by a year, right? Now that I know more, I would not have felt the pressure to wean, but I am rambling, that wasn't your question, right?

    I left Friday, early afternoon and came home Sunday, early afternoon. Since we had intended on using the trip to wean, I did not nurse her when I first walked in the door. she didn't 'ask' right away, but throughout the day, it was increasingly evident that she wanted to. I finally caved in the middle of the night and nursed her since she seemed broken hearted. I made the decision then that we would just try again when she was a bit older, that she wasn't ready. Then she only nursed a few times after that in total, and two nights after I got home, she out and out refused to nurse. It broke my heart, even though I started the whole thing in the first place. So, while I know for certain she would not have weaned had I not left, she did wean without much drama after I returned. I'm not sure if that was what you were wondering?

  4. #4
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    Default Re: Perhaps it's a good time? Anyone BTDT?

    Molly and Shannon thanks for sharing your experiences. It's good to hear from people who've had it go both ways.

    Yes, I think my goal in all of this is to lessen the drama. I figure my heart will be broken regardless of whether it is mother led or child led. But I don't want her to be heartbroken. I've never set a deadline for myself to wean, but at the same time I don't know that I picture myself nursing a 2yr old or older nursling (heck I didn't picture myself nursing a 1yr old and here I am). I guess me going out of town is a start to the process and I'll let her lead the way when I return. Plus I think it helps me emotionally to think that tomorrow night "might" be the last time we nurse vs. tomorrow night "is" the last time we nurse if that makes any sense.
    I'm Wendi.
    Mom to:
    DD1 7/28/07 for 21 mos and weaned with
    &
    DD2 12/16/09

  5. #5
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    Default Re: Perhaps it's a good time? Anyone BTDT?

    Quote Originally Posted by @llli*lilbirdie22 View Post
    Plus I think it helps me emotionally to think that tomorrow night "might" be the last time we nurse vs. tomorrow night "is" the last time we nurse if that makes any sense.
    Definitely makes sense. I'm not sure how much your DD is nursing but mine was down to about twice a day at that time I think (now it's once a day). So if she reduces her nursing sessions that might help you feel better about continuing longer as well.

    Molly

    Loving mama to JP (DS, 1/03 ~ nursed 6 mos), EL (DD1, 9/05 ~ nursed 4 yrs), EJ (DD2, 3/08 ~ nursed 3 yrs 9 mos), and
    JM (DD3, 6/12 ~ currently nursing), all born naturally
    Devoted wife to SAHD P, my hero
    A few of my favorite things that I've discovered on the forum: co-sleeping, baby-wearing, tandem nursing, baby-led solids, cloth diapering, APing, selective vaccination...the list goes on

  6. #6
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    Default Re: Perhaps it's a good time? Anyone BTDT?

    She's down to 2-3x's a day...bedtime and 1-2x's during the night.
    I'm Wendi.
    Mom to:
    DD1 7/28/07 for 21 mos and weaned with
    &
    DD2 12/16/09

  7. #7
    Join Date
    Feb 2008
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    Default Re: Perhaps it's a good time? Anyone BTDT?

    Well, DD did well while I was away. DH offered her EBM in a sippy but she didn't take much of it. And by the 2nd night she stopped waking at midnight (as has been her routine for quite some time). I got home at 1am and she awoke at 4am and practically ripped my shirt off Hulk style and asked for milk. Clearly she's not ready to give it up. So, we'll keep on keepin on for now.
    I'm Wendi.
    Mom to:
    DD1 7/28/07 for 21 mos and weaned with
    &
    DD2 12/16/09

  8. #8
    Join Date
    Aug 2006
    Posts
    8,018

    Default Re: Perhaps it's a good time? Anyone BTDT?

    Quote Originally Posted by @llli*lilbirdie22 View Post
    Well, DD did well while I was away. DH offered her EBM in a sippy but she didn't take much of it. And by the 2nd night she stopped waking at midnight (as has been her routine for quite some time). I got home at 1am and she awoke at 4am and practically ripped my shirt off Hulk style and asked for milk. Clearly she's not ready to give it up. So, we'll keep on keepin on for now.

    Molly

    Loving mama to JP (DS, 1/03 ~ nursed 6 mos), EL (DD1, 9/05 ~ nursed 4 yrs), EJ (DD2, 3/08 ~ nursed 3 yrs 9 mos), and
    JM (DD3, 6/12 ~ currently nursing), all born naturally
    Devoted wife to SAHD P, my hero
    A few of my favorite things that I've discovered on the forum: co-sleeping, baby-wearing, tandem nursing, baby-led solids, cloth diapering, APing, selective vaccination...the list goes on

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