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Thread: am I failing?

  1. #1
    Join Date
    Sep 2008
    Location
    NJ
    Posts
    152

    Default am I failing?

    I feel like everything I do I do it wrong!
    I returned to work 3 weeks ago (this is my 4th), and my baby daghter turns 3mo today, I've been pumping at work and BFing her in the evening, at night and weekends (so far she've been on BM exclusively). Lately she started crying after each feeding, I burp her, put her back, but no, she cries and won't nurse any longer (starts crying after like 7-10 min). She probably is not hungry, because otherwise dhe'd cry, right? I just have a feeling that very soon she'd reject me. But she LOVES to "nurse" at night, when she has to fall asleep for the night also...She sleeps with me (another thing everybody disapproves of, and I don't know how to stop) and I guess its my fault that some nights she wants her boobs every 2 hours!
    Another thing we have with her is that she won't fall asleep easily, since she was born, every time something new though, at the beginning she'd not fll asleep till 2am, so we had to rock her for hours!!! Then I "discovered" and "easy" way to make her fall asleep by using nursing, so little by little she started falling asleep between 9 and 11, which is better than 2am! She was calmer and seemed happy. All of a sudden last week she stopped napping after 2-3pm, so by the time I'd bath her she'd be soooooo irritated, I'd try to put her to sleep at around 6-7pm, but she'd be so unhappy, fussy and crying, so we can't put her to sleep for hours, and she screams at the breast as well, so even that doesn't work! I though she was overtire, so tried to make her nap after 3pm, she did yesterday (mostly in my arms though), and seemed so much happier, I bathed her at around 7:30 and nursed her (she nursed pretty well, first time after the whole day of driving me crazy, as I described above) and she was in a great mood, not sleepy at all, so we played with her till 9 and at 9:20 my DH made her fall asleep IN HER CRIB!!! For 30 min (enough for him to fall alseep and not hear anything:-)...And then she was back in my bed, nursing to sleep...For another 2.5 hours. She was nursing, falling asleep (what seemed deep), letting the boob go, and right after i'd lie down and close my eyes (3min?) she'd open hers...And she did it 4 times! And then I couldn't take it anymore, so i gave her paci, wich she took (with some fight) and in 5 min was asleep and spit it out in another 5min. So I don't know what to do with her sleeping with me and constantly nursing (or crying, and not wanting to nurse, but then nothing seems to calm her down), I can't experiment, because I'm tired, I have to get up for work at 4:50am, but ususally do earlier, cause I nurse her before I leave and then pump the rest...My mom tells me to relax and go with the flow, first wait till she starts falling asleep faster and then start putting her in hwer crib, but I'm afraid that by then she will be needing nursing to sleep even more. And what do I do with her nursing every 2 hours some nights? Isn't she supposed to sleep for at least 4-5 hours straight by now??? How come I don't know anything and can't fo anything right??? I'm so lost and don't know what I'm doing anymore... Sorry for such a long "letter", but its a cry
    Mother to 3 beautiful girls

    Victoria, our queen, born on 04/15/1993, our pride and joy!
    Natalie, our little princess, born on 08/24/2008
    at birth 7lbs 11oz, 20"
    at 2 y.o check up: 26lbs, 34 1/2"
    Sofia, our tiny princess, baby-surprize,
    born 07/20/2010 at 6lbs 10oz, 19"
    6 weeks: 9lbs 14oz; 21 1/2"
    2.5 months: 11lbs 5oz

    4.5 months: 13lbs 4oz; 24 1/2"

    We are still exclusively
    at work

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Apr 2008
    Posts
    4,007

    Default Re: am I failing?

    hang in there mama

    fwiw, my son is 8 months and I certainly don't get a 4-5 hour block of sleep. ds still wakes every 2 hours to nurse. Perhaps it is because he sleeps with us, but the way I look at - he is so distracted during the day that nursing at night makes me feel like he's getting all the nutrients that he may have missed during the day. It's also a time of comfort. ds is rocked to sleep and during the night when he nurses, I take him off the breast when he stops sucking and replace the breast with a paci (very quickly ) and he turns his head opposite me and is solid. Transitioning him to a crib is certainly possible, but I would ask myself "why" I wanted to transition. Are you afraid that if you keep him in your bed too long he will never leave? That seems to be a fear of many co-sleeping moms. But usually between the age of 1 and 2 (when they are able to understand things better) the transition can be very smooth. Having you near him may be a comfort for him, but if it's not working there are certainly other ways to sleep besides co-sleeping (I'm just wondering why you are interested in stopping). Swaddling may help him sleep Experimenting with various "white noise" may also help.

    as for the crying, it could very well be early signs of teething. My ds started teething at around 2 months and we didn't see a tooth until after 5 months It could also be a growth spurt or perhaps your lo likes a faster/slower flow. Sometimes switching breasts more often/less often can help. Some mothers with children who like a fast flow will switch breasts 3 or 4 times during one nursing session to give the child a fast flow for longer

    You're doing a GREAT job mama!
    ~Jenn~


    mother of 2 boys!
    08/14/98~~03/20/08

    Birth: 7lbs 12oz, 1 year: 22lbs 11oz
    until he self-weaned 4 days before his third birthday ... still on occasion ... and happily

    ************************************************** ************************************************** *****************
    People need to understand that when they're deciding between breastmilk and formula, they're not deciding between Coke and Pepsi.... They're choosing between a live, pure substance and a dead substance made with the cheapest oils available. ~Chele Marmet

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Sep 2008
    Location
    NJ
    Posts
    152

    Default Re: am I failing?

    Quote Originally Posted by @llli*sch.mommy View Post
    hang in there mama

    fwiw, my son is 8 months and I certainly don't get a 4-5 hour block of sleep. ds still wakes every 2 hours to nurse. Perhaps it is because he sleeps with us, but the way I look at - he is so distracted during the day that nursing at night makes me feel like he's getting all the nutrients that he may have missed during the day. It's also a time of comfort. ds is rocked to sleep and during the night when he nurses, I take him off the breast when he stops sucking and replace the breast with a paci (very quickly ) and he turns his head opposite me and is solid. Transitioning him to a crib is certainly possible, but I would ask myself "why" I wanted to transition. Are you afraid that if you keep him in your bed too long he will never leave? That seems to be a fear of many co-sleeping moms. But usually between the age of 1 and 2 (when they are able to understand things better) the transition can be very smooth. Having you near him may be a comfort for him, but if it's not working there are certainly other ways to sleep besides co-sleeping (I'm just wondering why you are interested in stopping). Swaddling may help him sleep Experimenting with various "white noise" may also help.

    well...why do i want to stop??? Honestly? I don't think I do, because if i would, I'd work on it I guess... It's just i have days when i think I do everything not right, that I'm one incompetent, tired, sleep deprived (because of myself) mother. My DH says I'm crazy, because everything is ok, baby's healthy, happy, still exclusively BF, but still soooo little to even talk about all that! And also, he says that I should do what's best for me, cause I'm BFing and working mother and its tough on me (which is so true), and then if she'll have to sleep with us till she's 1 or 2 or if we'll have to rock her to sleep till she's 2 its ok, eventually she'll grow out of it and we'll miss it. Maybe he's right. I just hate when you tell people about your arrangement and they tell you that everything you do is wrong. I try not to pay any attention, and most of the times I succeed, but sometimes it gets to me. That's I guess is a trigger and that's why I have days like this. That's why I'm here, on LLLI forum, cause i know there are lots of mommies like me who does things the way I do and don't think its wrong or even bad for me and my baby daughter.
    I have a 15-years-old daughter as well, and, as my DH reminded me (so many things we forget), we used to rock her to sleep till she was 2, and my DH was singing to her, so when he's fall alseep first (almost every night:-) she'd wake him saying "daddy, sing!". And she used to wake up at night wanting to play (not eat though, I didn't BF her, so she stopped eating at night early:-). So I guess I even enjoy sleeping with my little presious baby daughter, my DH tried to make her sleep in her crib 2 nights, I was so lonely! The only thing I was concerned about is her wanting to nurse sooooo often (my mom goes OMG every time I tell her how many times, and she goes "she is big enough to stop eating, blah, blah, blah...), i though It was my fault, cause I tought her to do so, cause I don't want het to wake up, so every time she stirres in her sleep, I put her to breast to prevent her waking (cause I have to get up so earyl). I tried to stop it, but most of the times i do it automatically and don't even remember in the morning!!! Just hope she'll stop nursing every 2 hours, but co-sleeping is nice. Here I am, I said it! I do like it!

    as for the crying, it could very well be early signs of teething. My ds started teething at around 2 months and we didn't see a tooth until after 5 months It could also be a growth spurt or perhaps your lo likes a faster/slower flow. Sometimes switching breasts more often/less often can help. Some mothers with children who like a fast flow will switch breasts 3 or 4 times during one nursing session to give the child a fast flow for longer

    You're doing a GREAT job mama!

    Thanks for your support!!!
    Last edited by @llli*confused; November 24th, 2008 at 08:29 AM. Reason: replied in the wrong place:-)
    Mother to 3 beautiful girls

    Victoria, our queen, born on 04/15/1993, our pride and joy!
    Natalie, our little princess, born on 08/24/2008
    at birth 7lbs 11oz, 20"
    at 2 y.o check up: 26lbs, 34 1/2"
    Sofia, our tiny princess, baby-surprize,
    born 07/20/2010 at 6lbs 10oz, 19"
    6 weeks: 9lbs 14oz; 21 1/2"
    2.5 months: 11lbs 5oz

    4.5 months: 13lbs 4oz; 24 1/2"

    We are still exclusively
    at work

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Sep 2008
    Location
    NJ
    Posts
    152

    Default Re: am I failing?

    Sorry sch.mommy:-)
    I replied in the middle of your reply, so it's a mess...
    Here's what I wrote:

    well...why do i want to stop??? Honestly? I don't think I do, because if i would, I'd work on it I guess... It's just i have days when i think I do everything not right, that I'm one incompetent, tired, sleep deprived (because of myself) mother. My DH says I'm crazy, because everything is ok, baby's healthy, happy, still exclusively BF, but still soooo little to even talk about all that! And also, he says that I should do what's best for me, cause I'm BFing and working mother and its tough on me (which is so true), and then if she'll have to sleep with us till she's 1 or 2 or if we'll have to rock her to sleep till she's 2 its ok, eventually she'll grow out of it and we'll miss it. Maybe he's right. I just hate when you tell people about your arrangement and they tell you that everything you do is wrong. I try not to pay any attention, and most of the times I succeed, but sometimes it gets to me. That's I guess is a trigger and that's why I have days like this. That's why I'm here, on LLLI forum, cause i know there are lots of mommies like me who does things the way I do and don't think its wrong or even bad for me and my baby daughter.
    I have a 15-years-old daughter as well, and, as my DH reminded me (so many things we forget), we used to rock her to sleep till she was 2, and my DH was singing to her, so when he's fall alseep first (almost every night:-) she'd wake him saying "daddy, sing!". And she used to wake up at night wanting to play (not eat though, I didn't BF her, so she stopped eating at night early:-). So I guess I even enjoy sleeping with my little presious baby daughter, my DH tried to make her sleep in her crib 2 nights, I was so lonely! The only thing I was concerned about is her wanting to nurse sooooo often (my mom goes OMG every time I tell her how many times, and she goes "she is big enough to stop eating, blah, blah, blah...), i though It was my fault, cause I tought her to do so, cause I don't want het to wake up, so every time she stirres in her sleep, I put her to breast to prevent her waking (cause I have to get up so earyl). I tried to stop it, but most of the times i do it automatically and don't even remember in the morning!!! Just hope she'll stop nursing every 2 hours, but co-sleeping is nice. Here I am, I said it! I do like it!
    Mother to 3 beautiful girls

    Victoria, our queen, born on 04/15/1993, our pride and joy!
    Natalie, our little princess, born on 08/24/2008
    at birth 7lbs 11oz, 20"
    at 2 y.o check up: 26lbs, 34 1/2"
    Sofia, our tiny princess, baby-surprize,
    born 07/20/2010 at 6lbs 10oz, 19"
    6 weeks: 9lbs 14oz; 21 1/2"
    2.5 months: 11lbs 5oz

    4.5 months: 13lbs 4oz; 24 1/2"

    We are still exclusively
    at work

  5. #5
    Join Date
    Oct 2008
    Posts
    34

    Default Re: am I failing?

    You are doing a great job!

    I am in the same boat with you...I have started to co-sleep because it is the only way I get any sleep. Before I would get maybe two hours between feedings. Now at least I do not have to fully wake up.

    I also get lots of negative feedback from those around me, but I have realized this...many of the grandmas, aunts and friends did not breastfeed so they do not know that it is differnt than formula feeding...so they think they are giving good advice. You have to do what you feel is right and ignore the rest.
    Mom to baby girl 7/15/08 and baby boy 4/13/10.

    breast feeding again

    I'm a mama.

  6. #6
    Join Date
    Sep 2008
    Location
    NJ
    Posts
    152

    Default Re: am I failing?

    Hi autumnmom,

    I absolutely agree with you and the reason I LOVE LLLI forum is because here everybody BFing, trying to BF or at least think its good. I try not to pay attention, but can't be absolutely immune, I guess, even though I should. And also, mothers and grandmothers didn't have to work when the baby's is 2-3 months and being breastfed! I get up at 4:50am! I nurse her before I leave and also pump, so what else can I do except co-sleeping? It's just some days it gets to me. Last time (the reason of me thinking I'm a falure) it was my sis-in-law, who didn't BF AND didn't work as well, she also asked me if I tried NOT to feed the baby after 11pm, so she'll sleep (LOL), and yes, she's a mother and have a daghter...I guess her daughter was a good baby, so she' s not on the same page with me:-)

    Like my DH says, after all, time flies and they will not sleep with us forever. Soon enough we'll miss it! Plus for me, being away from the baby all day, it's a special time we share, just two of us. So I do love it

    Try to not pay attention to all those who "wishes you well", we're all our babied have and they need us in one way or another, and we're there for them, right?
    Mother to 3 beautiful girls

    Victoria, our queen, born on 04/15/1993, our pride and joy!
    Natalie, our little princess, born on 08/24/2008
    at birth 7lbs 11oz, 20"
    at 2 y.o check up: 26lbs, 34 1/2"
    Sofia, our tiny princess, baby-surprize,
    born 07/20/2010 at 6lbs 10oz, 19"
    6 weeks: 9lbs 14oz; 21 1/2"
    2.5 months: 11lbs 5oz

    4.5 months: 13lbs 4oz; 24 1/2"

    We are still exclusively
    at work

  7. #7
    Join Date
    Oct 2008
    Posts
    34

    Default Re: am I failing?

    Hello,

    I think that is crazy talk not feeding past 11...but I know some moms who are able to do that. One of my friends (formula feeding) puts her baby to bed at 9 and she sleeps till 7...my goals is for my daughter to do that by the time she is 2!!

    I love the forum as well...such a great place for encouragment and a place where you know that you are not alone!

    I use to (and still do at times) feel guilty for cosleeping, holding my LO too much, and all that, but I have to tell my self in a few years she will not want that anymore so I should take it all in...and as much of it as I can!

    I am with you I love to cosleep and cudle with my baby...and everyday when I get home from work, I go take a nap with her while she eats/sleeps and it is wonderful!
    Mom to baby girl 7/15/08 and baby boy 4/13/10.

    breast feeding again

    I'm a mama.

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