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Thread: I feel a little guilty...

  1. #1
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    Default I feel a little guilty...

    DS is not night-weaned although he has been down to only a few short feedings per night for a little while now (for the most part.) Last night he woke up and couldn't fall back asleep - but wanted to - so he just kept nursing and nursing and nursing, switching sides frequently. I was so annoyed. I have a sinus infection that is not improving with abx and I don't feel very well. I wanted to just sleep.

    After @ 30 min, I finally got angry, pulled him off, put him on the bed next to me and said, "I am not doing this anymore!" and huffed off to the bathroom. He started crying and appeared in the bathroom doorway a minute later.

    I carried him back to bed and nursed him for another 20 minutes or so until he FINALLY fell asleep.

    I have started to feel very annoyed, almost angry, at night if his feedings aren't short and sweet. I feel guilty. I don't want to make him feel bad about nursing. Maybe I need to night-wean him even though he doesn't get any BM anymore while I'm at work?
    Andrea - mama to Laith 02.20.07 and Sommer 01.21.11
    'Either you repeat the same conventional doctrines everybody is saying, or else you say something true, and it will sound like it's from Neptune.' - Noam Chomsky

  2. #2
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    Default Re: I feel a little guilty...

    Weaning is tough. All parts. Especially when they let us know they still need it. We all get irritated by long night feedings. Do you keep a sippy of water near the bed so you can offer that instead? Sometimes the nightfeeding are long becuase they are really really thristy and they are only working with a couple of comfort streams and what takes 10 minutes to get out of your breast they can get in three swigs off the sippy cup.
    Also how old is he? I wouldn't try to night wean untill you have seen all of the 2nd year molars.
    And most importantly it's ok to set limits with your toddler but try to make it about YOU and YOUR needs so your child has a chance to choose to empathize with you rather than feel rejected. Talk about how it hurts or how they are tired and need to go night night.I sometimes pretend to cry. All of that works much better than acting frustrated with him. Because it's not really him or his needs that are the problem. It's me. It's my issue. And he needs to know about it and respect it if he can because nursing is a two way street. But I don't want to make him feel rejected.
    HTH.

    Way too lazy for formula

  3. #3
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    Default Re: I feel a little guilty...

    Quote Originally Posted by @llli*djs.mom View Post
    And most importantly it's ok to set limits with your toddler but try to make it about YOU and YOUR needs so your child has a chance to choose to empathize with you rather than feel rejected.


    Some reading that helped me:
    http://www.llli.org/llleaderweb/LV/LVMarApr87p23.html

    http://www.attachmentparenting.org/p...es/balance.php
    Striving for Balance involves ensuring that everyone's needs -- not just the child's -- are recognized, validated, and met to the greatest extent possible. In an ideal world, every family member's needs are met all the time, everyone is happy and healthy, and the family is perfectly in balance. In the real world, nobody's family life is perfectly balanced all the time.
    I recently decided to nightwean DS *again*. He had been nightweaned and then went back to nursing several times at night when he was sick and then when he was having nightmares. He was happy nursing several times at night, but I suspected it was a want not a need and I desperately needed to get more uninterrupted sleep to be a happy and healthy mommy.

    For us - the key has been having DH play an active role in night time parenting. At bedtime we say to DS (and he also says) that "mommy milk is going to sleep" and will be back in the morning. When DS wakes at night, DH does the soothing and parenting and reminds DS that "mommy milk is sleeping" and offers a sippy of water (which always gets rejected). We had 2 bumpy nights and since then DS has been either sleeping through or only waking once to get soothed down by daddy.

    HTH
    Lynn
    DS1: bf 7/2006 -> 4/2009; multiple food allergies
    DS2: bf 9/2009 -> ???
    ; multiple food allergies
    Breastmilk Donor - http://hmbana.org/index/donatemilk
    Click HERE to learn about baby led solids (BLS) / baby led weaning (BLW)

  4. #4
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    Default Re: I feel a little guilty...

    Quote Originally Posted by @llli*lsksam View Post
    For us - the key has been having DH play an active role in night time parenting. At bedtime we say to DS (and he also says) that "mommy milk is going to sleep" and will be back in the morning. When DS wakes at night, DH does the soothing and parenting and reminds DS that "mommy milk is sleeping" and offers a sippy of water (which always gets rejected). We had 2 bumpy nights and since then DS has been either sleeping through or only waking once to get soothed down by daddy.
    I couldn't agree more - DH was very involved in night time sleep routines. When mom is involved, baby sees nursing. Daddy's can soothe without that part and I think this is very important for night time. Good luck!

  5. #5
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    Default Re: I feel a little guilty...

    A little different cause we don't co-sleep. My DH reports that many times when he goes to DS at night, DS will see daddy and just drop down and go right back to sleep without DH saying or doing anything. Its like DS is thinking "oh - daddy - not as much fun and no breastmilk - why bother - I guess I'll go back to sleep".

    Oh - and I have absolutely no guilt at all about my DH doing more hands-on parenting at night. I've been the one doing most of the night time parenting for the last almost 28 mo ... so I figure it's definitely DH's turn.
    Lynn
    DS1: bf 7/2006 -> 4/2009; multiple food allergies
    DS2: bf 9/2009 -> ???
    ; multiple food allergies
    Breastmilk Donor - http://hmbana.org/index/donatemilk
    Click HERE to learn about baby led solids (BLS) / baby led weaning (BLW)

  6. #6
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    Default Re: I feel a little guilty...

    Quote Originally Posted by @llli*djs.mom View Post
    Weaning is tough. All parts. Especially when they let us know they still need it. We all get irritated by long night feedings. Do you keep a sippy of water near the bed so you can offer that instead? Sometimes the nightfeeding are long becuase they are really really thristy and they are only working with a couple of comfort streams and what takes 10 minutes to get out of your breast they can get in three swigs off the sippy cup.
    Also how old is he? I wouldn't try to night wean untill you have seen all of the 2nd year molars.
    And most importantly it's ok to set limits with your toddler but try to make it about YOU and YOUR needs so your child has a chance to choose to empathize with you rather than feel rejected. Talk about how it hurts or how they are tired and need to go night night.I sometimes pretend to cry. All of that works much better than acting frustrated with him. Because it's not really him or his needs that are the problem. It's me. It's my issue. And he needs to know about it and respect it if he can because nursing is a two way street. But I don't want to make him feel rejected.
    HTH.
    This is good advice. Should I start talking with him about this during the day while I'm home with him? Get him mentally prepared for nighttime?

    L has 4 molars. Not sure if these are considered to be 2nd-year molars or not. I'll check that out...

    Quote Originally Posted by @llli*lsksam View Post


    Some reading that helped me:
    http://www.llli.org/llleaderweb/LV/LVMarApr87p23.html

    http://www.attachmentparenting.org/p...es/balance.php


    I recently decided to nightwean DS *again*. He had been nightweaned and then went back to nursing several times at night when he was sick and then when he was having nightmares. He was happy nursing several times at night, but I suspected it was a want not a need and I desperately needed to get more uninterrupted sleep to be a happy and healthy mommy.

    For us - the key has been having DH play an active role in night time parenting. At bedtime we say to DS (and he also says) that "mommy milk is going to sleep" and will be back in the morning. When DS wakes at night, DH does the soothing and parenting and reminds DS that "mommy milk is sleeping" and offers a sippy of water (which always gets rejected). We had 2 bumpy nights and since then DS has been either sleeping through or only waking once to get soothed down by daddy.

    HTH
    DH actually does do a lot of nighttime parenting. For example, last night he tried to comfort L several times. He also put L on his legs and did this effective back-and-forth quick rocking thing that the Sri Lankan nannies use here. Unfortunately, it wasn't working last night. L got frustrated several times because DH was trying to comfort him and he wanted to nurse. He kicked his legs and whined.

    We co-sleep so it's hard for me to say no.

    I need to put a little more thought into this. We are 3 months away from his 2nd birthday and limits need to be set.

    Thank you ladies!
    Andrea - mama to Laith 02.20.07 and Sommer 01.21.11
    'Either you repeat the same conventional doctrines everybody is saying, or else you say something true, and it will sound like it's from Neptune.' - Noam Chomsky

  7. #7
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    Default Re: I feel a little guilty...

    So it sounds like his 2nd year molars have NOT come through yet. So setting limits based on the fact that he has language are fine but I wouldn't work on taking it away from him completely as he is probably working through some pain. It definitely sounds like teeth. EVERY TIME night nursing INCREASES due to the point of RESENTMENT IME it's due to teething. His 2nd year molars are probably beginning to bother him.

    And do keep the sippy by the bed. And I co-sleep too. SO the "they need a rest, they need to go night night" routine can definitely work in a co-sleeping situation!

    Way too lazy for formula

  8. #8
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    Default Re: I feel a little guilty...

    Quote Originally Posted by @llli*djs.mom View Post
    So it sounds like his 2nd year molars have NOT come through yet. So setting limits based on the fact that he has language are fine but I wouldn't work on taking it away from him completely as he is probably working through some pain. It definitely sounds like teeth. EVERY TIME night nursing INCREASES due to the point of RESENTMENT IME it's due to teething. His 2nd year molars are probably beginning to bother him.

    And do keep the sippy by the bed. And I co-sleep too. SO the "they need a rest, they need to go night night" routine can definitely work in a co-sleeping situation!
    Thanks Shelly. His fussiness during the day has just gone waaaayyyyyy up so I definitely think that his teeth are on their way. Before noticing this, I had decided not to try anything until after his 2nd birthday because we have two vacations coming up before then which will just upset his routine. I am less cranky now having set my mind to dealing with it later when he's a little older and through the teething thing.
    Andrea - mama to Laith 02.20.07 and Sommer 01.21.11
    'Either you repeat the same conventional doctrines everybody is saying, or else you say something true, and it will sound like it's from Neptune.' - Noam Chomsky

  9. #9
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    Default Re: I feel a little guilty...

    Me too... my boy is almost 14 months old now & he'll still nurse frequently at night. We co-sleep but sometime i still get very tired. I wish he can sleep through the night but unfortunately he still want to nurse to sleep everytime he wakes up middle of the night.

    If i am working night shift, he'll take bottle but he just took 1-2 oz every 3hr. I think just for comfort only. I don't know how to make him sleep well....

  10. #10
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    Default Re: I feel a little guilty...

    Changing his diaper (we CD) during the night has helped. I think a wet diaper has been keeping him awake at times.
    Andrea - mama to Laith 02.20.07 and Sommer 01.21.11
    'Either you repeat the same conventional doctrines everybody is saying, or else you say something true, and it will sound like it's from Neptune.' - Noam Chomsky

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