My Dearest Ryan,
I cannot put into words how wonderful it is to be your mommy. The past 21 months have been the happiest days of my life. From the moment I found out you were coming I knew I wanted to nurse you. I will never forget the first time you latched on. I tried the cradle position and you just wouldn’t have it. You wiggled and jiggled around. Then we tried the football position and you were at home there. You latched on like a pro and wouldn’t stop nursing until you were sleeping sweetly.
The same thing happened the last time you nursed. It was Monday, November 3, 2008. You had been sleeping with mommy and daddy since you were born and I have loved every minute of it. I would nurse you to sleep and you would then wake up about 3 times a night to nurse some more. I don’t think you were really hungry, I believe you just loved that comfort that mommy was right there for you. As wonderful as it was to be there with you every night, the day finally came when it was time for your own big girl bed.
You were so excited to see you had your very own bed until it was actually time to go to sleep in it. The first couple of days were the most difficult. I would nurse you in your bed and then you would awake call for me (by screaming) and I would come lay with you and nurse you back to sleep. After the 3rd time of this you would wind up in bed again with daddy and me. When you eventually became comfortable in your bed, you would still wake up but didn’t want to nurse. I would lay with you in bed until you fell asleep. Then the same thing would happen, you would end up in bed with daddy and me.
About a week went by and you began falling asleep without nursing. Our schedules had been so busy. By the time we were all settled down at home you would fall asleep in my arms or you would just be so tired you would fall asleep without even wanting to nurse. There were a couple of times after you would sign for milk or tug at my shirt, but you were easily distracted and wouldn’t ask again.
I want to thank you for giving me the chance to not only nurse you, but be there with you every step of the way. It has been the coolest thing to see you grow from 4 lbs to 21 lbs and know part of the reason you are so healthy is the nourishment that came from me. Nursing you was the best thing I have ever done and I am so proud of the little person you are becoming. You are such a joy and blessing to have. You are a true gift from God. Mommy loves you so much.
I know it's not really a weaning story, but more of a letter. I wanted something I could put in her memory box and show her when she is older.
This has been the most emotional time I have been through since Ryan has been born. I can seriously cry at the drop of a pin. When she is sad, I just want to pick her up and nurse her. When she is mad, I want to pick her up and nurse her. A piece of me has left, but will always remain in my heart. I know she will always need me, but right now I feel like she is growing up so fast and is needing me less and less. I could probably ramble and ramble about this for hours, but I don't want to bore you all too much. Thanks for reading and always being there through everything. You are the most amazing group of women I have ever come across!