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Thread: "Mine"

  1. #1
    Join Date
    Feb 2006
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    110

    Default "Mine"

    As you might know, I have a son who's now 33 months old...and is still nursing quite alot.

    Recently (with in the past week or so) Zachary has started taking more "posession" over me, espically where nursing is concerned!

    He now insists on "unlatching" my bra, pulling up my shirt and getting in the "right" position for nursing...then of course while nursing he tries to move to 10 million different positions, which I put my foot down with because well that hurts, but this "posession" is weird to me...

    If I try to "do it" he freaks out, throwing himself on the floor in a tantrum no matter what I do...(This might also be part of his other issues but, it comes to play here)

    He is also doing other things to "take posession" of me, but this bothers me the most...do your kids do that, and is it an ok behavor? I'm not sure if it has a meaning or its just him being a toddler!

    Thanks!

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Aug 2006
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    8,018

    Default Re: "Mine"

    I have never bfed a child of that age (although who knows how long I will go with DD?), but my ds is 44 months and I know he goes through very clingy periods whenever he is going through some change in his life. There have been a lot lately!
    He often asserts control over various areas of his life, e.g. disagrees with me just to show that he can ("No, I don't want to go outside/eat lunch/read a story/go to the bathroom"). This behavior also increases when there are changes. Maybe your son has similar feelings and wants to show you he has some control.
    Are there any changes going on in your son's life right now? One way I deal with my son is to try and make him feel like he has more control, like letting him choose activities or meals (if you don't want to give him free range you can always offer 2 or 3 choices and let him pick). I guess you could say that I "let him have his way" fairly often, within reason.
    When your son "attacks" you to nurse, maybe you could give him a choice, like "Do you want to nurse now or after lunch?" Or you can try giving him control in other areas first if you think he will freak out at that suggestion.
    I also try to give my son lots of affection and reassurance to boost his self esteem and show him just how much he is loved. I have no problem with this generally , but he comes to expect the usual so I try to go above and beyond. There is a book called "God Gave Us You" that I read to him when I think he needs a boost.
    However, I don't give him direct affection like this right after he has just behaved badly, because I don't want to reinforce his bad behavior. I don't get angry with him either, but we use 1-2-3 time out fairly often (he probably gets a handful of tim eouts each week) and ALWAYS talk about how he was feeling and how his actions affect other people. He doesn't always understand right away, but it gives him something to think about. Sometimes, he will approach me hours later and apologize for the behavior, and I can tell he really understands. Your son may be a little young for that but you have to start somewhere! I also realize that I am not perfect and will freely apologize to him when appropriate.
    I think kids this age may have trouble identifying their feelings, so we also have a book called "The Feelings Book" to help him.
    I have also tried the "extinction" method when my ds is being totally unreasonable and throwing a tantrum. This is simply ignoring him until he calms down. It's like saying, I am not even going to acknowledge this behavior with a response because it is not an appropriate way to communicate your feelings. This has worked fairly well since he was around 2 years old and had other ways of expressing himself.
    Sorry this is so long , but I hope my experiences help a little. Maybe some of the moms nursing older kids have more specific advice?

    Molly

    Loving mama to JP (DS, 1/03 ~ nursed 6 mos), EL (DD1, 9/05 ~ nursed 4 yrs), EJ (DD2, 3/08 ~ nursed 3 yrs 9 mos), and
    JM (DD3, 6/12 ~ currently nursing), all born naturally
    Devoted wife to SAHD P, my hero
    A few of my favorite things that I've discovered on the forum: co-sleeping, baby-wearing, tandem nursing, baby-led solids, cloth diapering, APing, selective vaccination...the list goes on

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Feb 2006
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    1,168

    Default Re: "Mine"

    My son did stuff like that as he got older. For example, as an infant he never cared which breast he got when, and wasn't usually fussy about various nursing positions. Around age 2 or 3, he went through phases when everything about nursing had to be done according to his preference. He insisted on holding my breast himself (I wasn't allowed to touch the breast, sometimes!), or on opening my blouse and bra cup himself, and it had to be the right breast, never the left, or he demanded that we nurse in a particular chair. And yes, by about age 3 he got increasingly fidgety and twiddly while nursing, with a million different little behaviors that sometimes drove me nuts.

    And I often heard "Mine!" from him regarding my breasts, so don't let that worry you. I always replied with gentle humor: "They are MY num-nums ... but I will share them with you!" Over time this became something of a game between us. My basic approach was to humor his whims when they were harmless, but to enforce basic boundaries (you may NOT hurt Momma) and also to heed my own feelings and draw limits where necessary for my own happiness. I figure that most children that age have to begin learning manners at their mother's knee, so it was just as well that my son could start learning some manners at his mother's breast: Ask nicely. Wait patiently. Respect my wishes regarding how you touch my body.

    My son nursed until shortly after his 4th birthday, so you can see that we found a way through these age-appropriate challenges for quite some time after their onset.

    --Rebecca

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Jan 2006
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    1,198

    Default Re: "Mine"

    welcome back, Rebecca!

  5. #5
    Join Date
    Jan 2006
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    1,551

    Default Re: "Mine"

    Hi Jaz_Trio,
    Is this more of an "I want to do it my way" kind of thing? Or a "These are mine and I want them now" kind of thing? From your description it almost sounds like it's a "my way" thing which I'm sure many mothers of about-3-year-olds are familiar with -- me, too!
    Does it happen all the time, or at certain times of the day? If you notice a pattern then sometimes that can help to figure out new strategies for difficult times of the day.
    Tantrums can be tough. Larry Cohen (author of Playful Parenting) describes tantrums as when they are swamped with feelings -- and the tantrum drains the swamp. If you can remain calm and nonthreatening, many times you'll get the "rainbow" after the storm.
    Thank you, quakerm0mma, for your thoughts about humoring whims when they are harmless, but enforcing basic boundaries. Jaz_Trio, you'll know best what's acceptable to you, and where that line is between the harmless whim and the necessary boundary.
    Mary
    Last edited by @llli*LLLMaryP; August 15th, 2006 at 09:17 PM.

  6. #6
    Join Date
    Feb 2006
    Posts
    110

    Default Re: "Mine"

    Thanks so much...

    In a way I think its a 3 year old thing, but sometimes it's TOTALLY not, I mean he's totally taking possession of them, and well for that matter me too...did I mention he has some issues with knowing where he stops and I start? That's one of the things his "evual" told us today...

    But your right, finding a common middle and figureing out if I am ok with it, is a good start!

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