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Thread: Stranger Dads

  1. #1
    Join Date
    Sep 2008
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    Pacific NW
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    Default Stranger Dads

    First, on Veterans' Day, I'd like to thank all of the veterans and their families for the efforts and sacrifices they've made.

    My question is regarding returning to work after re-introducing my baby to his dad, who will now be the primary caretaker:

    Papa has seasonal employment out of state and has been gone for two months. He left when Baby Bear was 1 1/2 weeks old, and will return next week. In approximately a month, I will return to work and Papa will be the care provider for BB.

    I have had two months to get to know my baby and establish a routine with him. We wake, feed, sleep and interact pretty much at his pleasure. When Papa returns, I am wondering if it is best to try to incorporate Papa into the routine we have established, if I should step back and let Papa and BB forge their own routine so BB will be used to it by the time I go back to work and adjust as needed when I return to work, or if we should try to establish a routine and schedule now that will look like what it will probably be like once I return to work.

    I realize that each situation and each family is different, but I'd just like to hear from you all about what you did, what worked, what didn't, what your thoughts are. Thanks!

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Feb 2008
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    SoCal
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    6,467

    Default Re: Stranger Dads

    I would say that because kids like familiar things, I'd have papa work along side you for several days and slowly transition to Papa doing the care. This si what I did when switching DCP.GL
    Mommy to Maxwell 10-9-07 weaned with love (a party and a remote control monster truck) on his 4th birthday
    My Boy 3-16-10
    And my sweet pea Sam 2-12-11

    Watch Your Language

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Nov 2006
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    miles from nowhere
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    11,084

    Default Re: Stranger Dads

    I'd also try to incorporate daddy into your routine in little ways and have him slowly take over tasks here and there. If you have time, once he's used to daddy you could try leaving for short periods of time and letting them work things out on their own. Once you are back at work, they will probably change the routine up and work out one of their own and that's OK, too.

    Good luck to you, mama.
    “We are not put on earth for ourselves, but are placed here for each other. If you are there always for others, then in time of need, someone will be there for you.”
    --Anonymous

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Oct 2008
    Location
    St. Louis, MO
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    2,242

    Default Re: Stranger Dads

    Start having daddy help with baby along side you. You can also make some things special for the dad like giving baby a bath or changing the diaper. This will help your lo realize that he can be comforted by daddy too. Kids love routines, so I would try to keep things the same. The littlest change in their schedule can turn their world upside down!


    I'm Laura, mamma of 2

    5-27-06

    8-30-08

    We love and

    We have been nursing for over 2 years now!

  5. #5
    Join Date
    Jul 2007
    Posts
    1,780

    Default Re: Stranger Dads

    with having daddy work along side you and slowly transitioning. As it gets closer start to go out of the house for a little time at a clip and see how it goes. That will be a good transition for you both! it is so hard to work and be away from lo but who better to be with them than their daddy!
    Kelly

    Mommy to Gabriel born 12/25/06 Breastfed 12/25/06 - 12/09 and possibly here and there still
    Madelyn born 9/24/09 delivered at home and caught by my husband

    "To put the world right in order, we must first put the nation in order; to put the nation in order, we must first put the family in order; to put the family in order, we must first cultivate our personal life; we must first set our hearts right."

  6. #6
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    Sep 2008
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    Pacific NW
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    Default Re: Stranger Dads

    Thanks, everyone, for your ideas and support. Dad comes home tomorrow. I'm excited that I got two more weeks off of work, so I think we should do fine with the transition, but keep us in your thoughts!

  7. #7
    Join Date
    Feb 2008
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    grays harbor
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    Default Re: Stranger Dads

    Thank you.

    Not trying to hyjac your thread but I also will be watching this thread. I am so worried that when DH returns from overseas that DD wont know him nor want to be around him. He left when she was 5 1/2 months old she's 9 1/2 months now, and by the time he returns she will be a year and a half.
    I show her his pictures alost every day, i tell her "thats dada and whos that, da da" she points and touches the pictures so i think she gets it? I also have his voice recorded on a build a bear saying "allie its daddy i love you" and i have kept voicemails of him and let her listen to them as well. I hope all of these things will make her remember him when he does return..

    CAYLA
    Mama 2 Allie who Self-weaned @ 2 1/2
    Korben Jon born 07/25/2011*

  8. #8
    Join Date
    Sep 2008
    Location
    Pacific NW
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    Default Re: Stranger Dads

    Cayla. Two months was hard enough for me, I can't imagine doing it as long as you have. It sounds like you are doing a lot to help your daughter stay close to her dad. And using both visual pictures and the auditory voicemails and recording on the bear are great ideas. I read somewhere that babies can recognize someone from only a picture--that they can put that person into their long term memory from just a few repetitions. Your daughter had 5 1/2 months to build some memories and you are working hard to keep them close. It's easy to have doubts because we don't know what's going on in our baby's heads, or because it seems like such a long time that dad is gone (relative to our baby's lives so far). But our brains are amazing things, and have capabilities we may never understand, and our hearts even moreso.

  9. #9
    Join Date
    Feb 2008
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    grays harbor
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    Default Re: Stranger Dads

    Quote Originally Posted by @llli*mamabear View Post
    Cayla. Two months was hard enough for me, I can't imagine doing it as long as you have. It sounds like you are doing a lot to help your daughter stay close to her dad. And using both visual pictures and the auditory voicemails and recording on the bear are great ideas. I read somewhere that babies can recognize someone from only a picture--that they can put that person into their long term memory from just a few repetitions. Your daughter had 5 1/2 months to build some memories and you are working hard to keep them close. It's easy to have doubts because we don't know what's going on in our baby's heads, or because it seems like such a long time that dad is gone (relative to our baby's lives so far). But our brains are amazing things, and have capabilities we may never understand, and our hearts even moreso.
    thank you for your kind words. i appreciate it. i hope all my efforts does make her remember her daddy.

    CAYLA
    Mama 2 Allie who Self-weaned @ 2 1/2
    Korben Jon born 07/25/2011*

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