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Thread: I am fed up with MIL!!!

  1. #1
    Join Date
    Jul 2006
    Posts
    245

    Default I am fed up with MIL!!!

    I just need to vent because I am really getting sick of my MIL's crap. MIL lives with us (just 3 more months to go and then she is gone!!!) and she takes care of dd during the day as I am back to work for which I am very greatful. But she has been trying to push all sort of thing into my dd's diet since the moment dd was born. It took me 2 months to make her stop sneaking water into dd - after screaming at her several times about it. MIL is in love with formula and everyother day she tries to convince me that formula is better than my milk for my baby because she has reflux and is allergic to soy/cow's milk. MIL even managed to make me believe that my milk supply is low although dd has been on breast milk only since day 3 of her life!!!
    Anyways, the latest - I told MIL today that I am plannign to bf exclusively till dd is 6 months old and she was in shock and outraged how can I keep my baby on the same food for 6 months. According to her babies who are exclusively bfed for more than 4 months develop anemia.
    Is this true???? Do I need to give dd any vitamins/iron? Do babies get all the necessary vitamins/microelements, etc from the breast milk?
    Thanks for listening!! I don't have a lot of support form my familly about breastfeeding. Even my own mother who is otherwise very supportive of bfing thinks I need to introduce other foods at 4 months because I won't be able to keep up with my daughter's demand (apparently she does not have an idea about this supply/demand thing).
    Sorry for any spelling mistakes I am soooo frustrated.....

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Jan 2006
    Posts
    86

    Default Re: I am fed up with MIL!!!

    wow! you've got a stinker!
    no, what your MIL says isn't true
    i don't give ds any vitamins or iron supplements. he is 7.5 months old, and 95% EBF (he eats one or two small meals a day). if you are worried, a vitamin supplement wouldn't hurt, and it would probably shut up your MIL, so you could stop worrying about her sneaking formula to your baby.
    as for BF keeping up with your baby's needs after 4 months, around that time was when DS started to slow down. my dr told me that's normal, and if they continued to eat the amount they did as newborns, they'd be 500 pounds by the time they started kindergarten.

  3. #3
    Join Date
    May 2006
    Posts
    929

    Default Re: I am fed up with MIL!!!

    No, it's not true that EBF babies develop anemia. That's just plain ridiculous. Show her the AAP reccomendations http://www.aap.org/healthtopics/breastfeeding.cfm (breastfeed and the use of human milk). Your baby can do just fine if EBF for the first 12 months of life. You need to draw the boundaries and tell your MIL that you are the parent and are doing what is best for your LO. Tell her that the topic of conversation around feeding your DD is now closed unless she can support your decisions. And get DH to back you up. He needs to support his families decisions and tell his mom to back off.

    Maybe your MIL needs to be asked to leave sooner, if she cannot leave the parenting decisions to you. I'm sure that she is creating a lot of stress in the house which your DD is picking up on.

    Jennifer
    Amazed and Proud mom of Luke (Lucas) - 4/5/2006; 9 lbs 12 oz , 22in
    Wife to best friend Carl - 11/4/2001

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Aug 2006
    Posts
    8,018

    Default Re: I am fed up with MIL!!!

    Per the AAP:
    "The AAP Section on Breastfeeding, American College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists, American Academy of Family Physicians, Academy of Breastfeeding Medicine, World Health Organization, United Nations Children's Fund, and many other health organizations recommend exclusive breastfeeding for the first 6 months of life. Exclusive breastfeeding is defined as an infant's consumption of human milk with no supplementation of any type (no water, no juice, no nonhuman milk, and no foods) except for vitamins, minerals, and medications. Exclusive breastfeeding has been shown to provide improved protection against many diseases and to increase the likelihood of continued breastfeeding for at least the first year of life."
    You might show this to your MIL. However, it is a little unclear regarding vitamin supplements...I wonder about that?

    Molly

    Loving mama to JP (DS, 1/03 ~ nursed 6 mos), EL (DD1, 9/05 ~ nursed 4 yrs), EJ (DD2, 3/08 ~ nursed 3 yrs 9 mos), and
    JM (DD3, 6/12 ~ currently nursing), all born naturally
    Devoted wife to SAHD P, my hero
    A few of my favorite things that I've discovered on the forum: co-sleeping, baby-wearing, tandem nursing, baby-led solids, cloth diapering, APing, selective vaccination...the list goes on

  5. #5
    Join Date
    Jan 2006
    Posts
    88

    Default Re: I am fed up with MIL!!!

    My MIL has also been VERY unsupportive of my BF, although not quite as vocal! I am so sorry, I know how tough it is. I can't imagine having to live with mine, even though she is very nice otherwise she is bullheaded with her opinions even when they are uneducated.

    I pretty much exclusively BF my DS until he was almost 9 months old and he had his iron level checked at his 9 month appointment which was fine. Basically he refused all solids until then. He also had reflux/colic and was very sensitive to dairy in my diet. I never tried soy and he NEVER got a drop of formula. He is a high need baby and BF CONSTANTLY for the first 4 months. I had many people telling me I needed to supplement him because he wanted to nurse all the time. Thankfully I just kept BFing him because I knew he was getting enough (wet diapers/weight gain 97# percentile). He still doesn't eat much at 13 months and I plan now to let him wean himself (never thought I would, but amazing how your views change after you have your own!).

    HTH and I wish you the best. The above posters gave you great information to quote with MIL. That helped me a lot. I also just don' t talk about it with her, but I don't live with her either!

    Best of luck to you! Let us know what she says!

  6. #6
    Join Date
    May 2006
    Posts
    596

    Default Re: I am fed up with MIL!!!

    I am sorry your mil is giving you so much grief. If she is causing more stress than good (which it sounds like that she is) then I would talk to your dh and tell him how you feel and see what kind of solutions ya'll can come up with. Good luck! hth

  7. #7
    Join Date
    Feb 2006
    Posts
    232

    Default Re: I am fed up with MIL!!!

    Borislava--I am so very sorry you are going through this--but a couple of things lept to mind while reading your post and the responses from other posters:
    1--I think DH needs to clarify that you and he are now the parents and are making all of the decisions regarding your childs' care.
    2--One of the posters above indicated that DH needed to ask her to support his families decisions--maybe a blunt explanation that you, your child and he are the primary family is in order. This tends to be a very difficult concept for mothers of sons to accept (My MIL hates me for it) but it is a necessary step.

    Finally--if your MIL refuses to respect you and her son's parenting decisions, I woud at the least find another person to keep your LO. A daycare would never put the kind of pressure and stress on you that she is. The fact is, it is a privilige for her to be allowed to keep her grandchild during the day--not a license to impose her parenting views on you.

    Be strong--you can handle this!! I know it's hard, but when you do it, it is empowering!

    Krista
    Krista
    Wife to Barney
    Mommy to Justin Reed
    Mommy to Ada Grace (7-7-06) 7 lbs 14 oz, 20 lbs 14 oz at 1 year


    Our little Angel, Henry James, grew his wings December 14, 2007

  8. #8
    Join Date
    Feb 2006
    Posts
    651

    Default Re: I am fed up with MIL!!!

    Borislava, I too have had a terrible time with my MIL and finally boldly, with my husband, discussed all the things that we plan to do with our child that are non-negotiable and told her that we either get her support, or she will have to stay away until she can accept it. It was very difficult to do for both of us, but we did it in a very loving respectful manner and while she is staying away for now, I think she will eventually come around.

    Also, my ds is 8 mo and is still ebf. No vitamins, no water, no solids, etc...only mama. And he is a big beautiful healthy boy with cute rosy cheeks Only the best for baby!!!

  9. #9
    Join Date
    Jul 2006
    Posts
    245

    Default Re: I am fed up with MIL!!!

    Thanks everyone very much for your encouragement and responses!!! It is great to have such a support here when I have none at home!
    I know I am in for a fight with my family but it seems I am the only one who has a clue what is best for my daughter - even dh doesn't care too much what we will be feeding her.
    I am planning to bring them to the next LLL meeting in my area so hopefully some useful information about breastfeeding can get into their brains.
    Thanks again - this forum is a lifesaver!!

  10. #10
    Join Date
    Aug 2006
    Location
    Bryan, Texas
    Posts
    4,260

    Default Re: I am fed up with MIL!!!

    you keep that precious baby on your milk and tell anyone who doesn't support that decision to STUFF IT! I took herbal iron builders (yellow dock root and alfalfa) after I had ds because i hemorrhaged pretty badly. after 2 blood transfusions, my iron was really really low....5.9 (the week before labor i was at 13). the iron was necessary because i was so low. but if you are healthy...there's no need to take anything. liquid vitamins wont HURT your LO, but they really aren't necessary.

    Keep giving that sweet baby your milk, and remind your MIL that you and your DH are adults with your DD best interest at heart.

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