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Thread: I'm ready, she's not

  1. #1
    Join Date
    Feb 2007
    Posts
    49

    Default I'm ready, she's not

    I am at my wit's end with nursing - it just isn't generally a positive experience for us anymore. Katie turned 2 in August. She mostly just nurses at nap and bedtime. She will go to sleep without too much struggle for other people when I'm not around but when I am, she requires nursing to help her fall asleep. I hardly have any milk at all left, and I'm really sore from her new teeth/bad latch and the occasional bite. When she is nursing one side, she claws at the other and if I try to block her or stop her in any way she screams and cries and usually bites me. When the milk is gone she gets very upset. Bedtime is taking several hours because she is extremely distraught when the milk runs out. I am a nervous wreck during the day because our nights are filled with screaming tantrums. My husband is losing patience too, and sometimes I feel like he thinks it is my fault or that I am upsetting her on purpose. I have recently read "How Weaning Happens" and what I got out of it is that I want weaning to be a positive thing, and I feel like if I wean her now it won't be. But this can't go on, I really need something to change. And of course there is the guilt for even thinking about weaning. Does anyone have any suggestions? I plan on attending an LLL meeting tomorrow night. BTW she has been crying now for 2 hours despite all attempts at soothing her by both parents. My husband is in there with her now trying to help her calm down and go to sleep. We co-sleep.

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Oct 2008
    Posts
    32

    Default Re: I'm ready, she's not

    That sounds so rough. I hope you can come to some solution soon. Sorry I don't have advice, but wanted to support you in this.
    Breastfeeding a young child is a relationship, involving two people, and it has to work for both of you. What's going on right now isn't working for either of you so I guess something is going to have to change, what and how, hopefully someone who's been through this can help with.
    Good luck.

  3. #3

    Default Re: I'm ready, she's not

    kelandkate,

    My daughter and I are approching the same situation as you are. She will be 2 in December, we co-sleep and I nurse her to sleep for all naps and bedtime, as well as through the night periodically when she wakes up.

    I feel frustrated and annoyed when she scratches and pokes at my other breast while nursing on the other. It hurts and when I tell her to stop, she bucks and throw an absolute fit causing her to wake up from her almost asleep status. The one thing that I am trying to get her to do is hold on to a stuffed animal while nursing her. A lot of the time it works to keep her little hands occupied while nursing her to nap. I have gotten her in the routine of having to get the special stuffed nursing toy before she can nurse (it helps me buy some time to finish up what I am doing and get everything ready for nap times etc. when I send her to go and get her special stuffed nursing toy). It seems to be working pretty well.

    My other worries are simillar to your situation of having the crying for hours. I am concerned about how I am going to wean her from the co-sleeping arrangement too. One at a time I guess.

    I just thought you should know, you are not alone. Until I checked out the LLL Breastfeeding forums I thought I was unique in my problems/successes, but seeing that other mothers/families are going through and dealing with alot of the same breastfeeding problems/successes has made me feel much better!

    I hope you have found some answers to help your situation! Just know that you have given your LO the best start by breastfeeding as long as you have.

  4. #4

    Default Re: I'm ready, she's not

    At times when my DS is seems frustrated because the supply is low and he wants to nurse to sleep I offer him a sippy cup of warm milk. Sometimes he refused but there have been times when he's taken a few big gulps and then rolled over and fell asleep. Good Luck!

  5. #5
    Join Date
    Feb 2008
    Posts
    93

    Default Re: I'm ready, she's not

    Does your DD have grandparants home or another family member she can spend the whole weekend with? This is how my family has weaned all their children after the age of 2. Of course if they are having huge problems at the family members home we were perpared to go pick them up. It worked wonders on all the children, and when they got home they were 100% weaned.
    Joyce May 5th 1998
    Natthaniel Nov 16th 1999
    Abbigale expected July 2nd 2008

  6. #6
    Join Date
    Sep 2008
    Location
    Maine
    Posts
    255

    Default Re: I'm ready, she's not

    When the milk is gone she gets very upset. Bedtime is taking several hours because she is extremely distraught when the milk runs out.
    Do you think she is hungry or thirsty? Maybe offering a snack and drink of water right before laying down?

    When she is nursing one side, she claws at the other and if I try to block her or stop her in any way she screams and cries and usually bites me.
    Sometimes, playing with the other side makes the milk come faster. Could this be what she wants? Maybe taking care of hunger and thirst ahead of time would help? Do you think she is just tactile? My DS needed something to fiddle with so that he could fall asleep. We would nurse while he handled a small security blanket. This may help as someone already mentioned.

    Do you think she would be receptive to reading stories or doing something a little different at bedtime. Sometimes children have outgrown certain needs, but do not know what they need next. Maybe she has outgrown the need to nurse and is expressing frustration, but does not know what would meet her needs now?

    Nursing is truly a dance. It can be difficult to accomodate needs on both sides of the equation and figure out what they are. You will figure it out and things will get better. Sometimes it takes some time and a few missteps to get there. Good luck!
    2001 2004 2008

  7. #7
    Join Date
    Jun 2008
    Location
    Canadian living in New Zealand
    Posts
    39

    Default Re: I'm ready, she's not

    I don't have much help other than to say your not alone. My stomach and breasts look like I've been attacked by a litter of kittens! Not much fun, but I have started to wrap her up before feeding, she hates it for a couple minutes but soon settles in and falls asleep quicker than before. But she is only six months, don't imagine it would be as easy to wrap a two year old!
    First time mum to Alexa born April 25th 2008 10lb 2
    Exclusively despite a reluctant DH and believing in natural parenting, which isn't easy but well worth all the of and and from my MIL

  8. #8

    Default Re: I'm ready, she's not

    I don't have any advice - just know that you aren't alone. I didn't anticipate feeling this way, my goal was to get to a year, but Sam turned two in July, and I can't honestly see him stopping voluntarily. Ever. And I'm so ready for this stage to be over. I do my best to distract during the day, and he's getting a lot better about sleeping thru the night, but he nurses to sleep for naps and bedtime, and during the day, will nurse as often as I let him. I don't have any problems with supply, I almost wish I did. I think nursing a newborn is so much easier in a lot of ways - trying to wean a walking, talking toddler with definite opinions is something I never thought I'd be doing. And I had no idea how difficult it would be.
    Melissa
    Mom to Jessica (2/7/03) breastfed for 8 months
    Sam (7/6/06) breastfed for three years, five months, two weeks and three days (not that I was counting or anything :-)
    Julianna (4/29/10) struggled thru nursing strike, nipple confusion, thrush, multiple cracks and fissures, a staph infection and then another bout of thrush, but happily nursing away
    www.cohenfamily-melissa.blogspot.com

  9. #9
    Join Date
    Feb 2007
    Location
    MollyWeasleyIsMyHeroVille
    Posts
    6,863

    Default Re: I'm ready, she's not



    When DS is at my moms he sleeps FINE through the night all naps with no nursing. We're working on naptime weaning right now and some days I have to nearly swaddle him and hold him close, other days he is doing fine.

    At my moms he has an adiri bottle for just in case times, the only thing he wants it for is to hold it. She fills it with warm water and lets him hold it until he goes to sleep. The only tip I can offer you is to stay strong and don't give in. She'll learn that if she does xyz for so long she'll get what she wants if you do... we're battling that right now with DS too!


    ~Meg~
    Wife to Ray (09/07/07)and Mama to:
    Xander (01/19/07) nursed for 30 months
    Liam (12/12/09) still nursing through the night and in the mornings!
    Sebastian (7/29/12) my newest little nursling who graciously shares his milk with big brother!


  10. #10
    Join Date
    Feb 2007
    Posts
    49

    Default Re: I'm ready, she's not

    Quote Originally Posted by @llli*umbribyz View Post
    Do you think she is hungry or thirsty? Maybe offering a snack and drink of water right before laying down?



    Sometimes, playing with the other side makes the milk come faster. Could this be what she wants? Maybe taking care of hunger and thirst ahead of time would help? Do you think she is just tactile? My DS needed something to fiddle with so that he could fall asleep. We would nurse while he handled a small security blanket. This may help as someone already mentioned.

    Do you think she would be receptive to reading stories or doing something a little different at bedtime. Sometimes children have outgrown certain needs, but do not know what they need next. Maybe she has outgrown the need to nurse and is expressing frustration, but does not know what would meet her needs now?
    I don't think it is hunger/thirst related at this point. She has plenty of food and drinks before bed and knows how to ask for a drink or snack if she wants it. She doesn't have the patience to sit through actual reading of a story, even very short/quick ones, but she loves to look at the pictures and talk about them and make up her own stories. Unfortunately this seems to be more stimulating than relaxing for her, so we don't usually do it at bedtime.

    She is definitely very tactile! She is a serious "mouther" of all objects big and small and I have come to realize it is a sensory thing. She loves to touch and taste anything she can. Licking something seems just as interesting as touching it with her hands, it's like her tongue is an 11th finger or something.

    I also thought that maybe she has outgrown the need to nurse and is frustrated because she can't identify or express her new needs. I attended an LLL meeting tonight and below is a summary of my reflections following the meeting.
    Last edited by @llli*kelandkate; November 12th, 2008 at 03:30 AM.

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